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NEWLY OPIATE FREE, Need to help using fiance...advice, help, anything

ShamrockClouds

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
Messages
39
Hello fellow Bluelighters! I first want to say that about a month and a half ago I came to BL in search of support, advice and guidance....and I swear the only way I was able to kick oxy then sub then lastly loperamide because of the help I received on here, just a thank you to the BL community. I can only hope I am able to help a few people by sharing my experience. I did post daily from before I began my accelerated suboxone taper, the complete thread can be found at the following link.

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/751489-Stuck-in-Suboxone-Hell-need-a-gameplan-that-works

I am now on day 26 free of suboxone and oxy and going into day 5 without any help from the loperamide (which I personally feel is a miracle drug, but with that being said, I do NOT reccomended anyone go this route before you know how it reacts with your body at reccomended doses, before researching it THOROUGHLY and most importantly, DO NOT take for a day longer than you have to. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to PM me, I will answer any PM). I feel 100% today and have for about 5 days now....and I feel like there is just more to life now, like someone handed me my life back and said, "one last shot pal". I feel so lucky and fortunate enough to have made it through the detox (with LOTS of work to do everyday for the rest of my life to stay well)...and I have nothing shy of major compassion and love for those fellow addicts still suffering, which leads me to my CURRENT SITUATION THAT I NEED SOME GUIDANCE with, as this is my first time trying to get someone else off the shit. Unfortunately it is my fiance and gf of 7 years who I love with every ounce of my being...but being off the opiates myself, I am finding I have a short fuse and dwindling ability to handle some of the shit I'm now faced with.

My fiance is 28, and there isnt a doubt that I want her to be my wife and have my children, just so that is clear, which is probably why this is so hard. With that being said, I am also willing to do whatever it takes to stay off this shit personally. She is not working now (was indirectly caused from the oxy addiction, can elaborate if necessary) and is only able to get money from selling shit or asking to borrow from her mom (who lives with us) or another family member. Please note she had been employed full-time from age 20 through this past October, so this is someone who has a work ethic second to none. Needless to say, probably 70-85% of what she does get, goes to pills or subs if she cant find pills. Everyday she says its her last, and she means it, but we all know that the "last hurrah" is never the last (litterally have tears welling up writing this). It has caused horrible issues with her entire family and even some between myself and her family as a result of some of the lies she says to get what she needs. The last 3 weeks have been difficult as I am gone from 7am until roughly 8 or 9 at night (1:45 commute each way with traffic) for work. I have received text messages from her freaking out and I feel horrible for her, but it's very distracting and almost debilitating when it happens during a meeting or with a client. On top of that, I am in process of getting through my pre contract employment and am living off savings until salary kicks in next friday, so I dont even have the $ for her, but end up giving it to her anyways so I can at least sleep and prepare for work. This all leads me to today....which is why i ended up coming here for advice....something has to happen, just dont know whats in each of our best interets.

Today started off great, we had a great day yesterday, beatiful weather, good food and just enjoyed having a full day together for the first time in a while. We watched Sons of Anarchy all morning until 2:00pm then I was on the phone trying to figure out a few bills that I have been killing myself to keep current (with some assistance from my retired father living on a fixed income as well). Immediately after I was off the phone, complete 180 turn to shit. All of a sudden I am the bad guy, and essentially getting blamed for everything. Finally she said to leave...and that if I wasnt there her family would give her money...just some crazy nonsense. Saying things like "you're not going to help me please leave so I can feel better"....just shit that lacked basic logic. Finally I said I would leave and I just needed a few suits from the basement for work.....she proceeded to lock herself in the basement and said if I didnt leave she would call the cops and say that I did something to her. That was my que....i went outside and didnt know what to do. My family lives 2 hrs away and I have a huge day tomorrow. I texted her and said i would give her $ and then she is all apologetic and crying and saying she would make it right and pay me back....just so stressfull and nightmarish. I know I shouldnt be enabling but I dont know how to get someone to help themselvs...ahhhhhhhggghh....its sooooo frustrating. All the while knowing she is hurting and just wanting to take the pain away.

She refuses to take the lope because she thinks she will never poop again. I will never force something on her, I just thought that her seeing me detox with it would motivate and give hope. Now she is saying if she does pills once every 4 days she will be done...and that she has subs if she really feels like ass, but if I say anything to try and help, the response is like pure hatred to me for even mentioning it. Its just really difficult to handle. I will say that I have not had a single craving since my worst accutes....god I just want to help her. Also, she smokes them and is at 60mgs a day (this info comes from observation and knowing what $ I give her, but I suppose it could be more)

I need advice or past experiences similar and how it worked out. I will pay for a detox once I can afford it, but that wont be for another 19 days. Do I keep buying them for her until then? Should I look at rehabs? She has no insurance now due to not working and cobra would have been almost $500/mo.....

Thank you to anyone willing to read this whole post....any thoughts or advice would be awesome.

ShamrockClouds
 
She reminds me of me...
My ex would buy me as much heroin as I wanted when I cried and pleaded. It didn't help me.

I know that she's probably feeling sick, I know that she's hurting, but you giving her more money is just going to allow her to keep getting sick. Tell her that you'll pay for a detox in time, but until then she needs to at least try to stop. At the very least, regulate it with her and only give her enough money so that she can taper. If she wants to use, she needs to have the money to get shit herself or she will forever think of you as the source for her drugs. I had to learn that the hard way.

You guys are in a partnership. You are in this Together. Equal ground. Everyone needs someone to lean on once in a while, but she has to realize that she needs to hold her own in this world, especially if she wants to use drugs. There's no room in the universe for another broke girl who thinks she needs drugs every day.

Her saying that she'll call the cops and tell them you did something to her? Disgraceful. Ruining a man's life like that by lying is inexcusable, even if you're sick. She should still know that's wrong.

I know that you love her and want to spend your life with her. But she needs a break from these drugs, point blank, or she'll continue acting like this until this is who she really is.
 
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