Hey there, brother. Sorry I couldn't read this thread earlier.
I was in the exact same boat as you! I was 18 at the time (around the time i signed up for BL :D ) when I engaged in a relationship that I didn't realize was an abusive one until looking back on it.
I was head over heels to finally find someone who had so much in common with me. We shared the exact same taste in music, movies and other art. She was the first person to exhaust me in the bedroom. I thought myself a lucky man.
I figured all relationships had their sacrifices and compromises, so i put up with the arguing. I put up with the public shaming and general shit talking. I eventually even gave her a second chance after sleeping with another man 2months into our relationship.
I became an empty shell after 2years.
It took me a wake-up-call in my life to realize that she was a large part of why I was suffering. I thought her to be too good, but more importantly, I thought myself to be worth nothing.
Looking back, things are usually much clearer.
Take as long as you need to heal your emotional state. I cannot stress the importance of not internalizing emotions. However, what's just as important is to look back and learn from your previous experiences. At least you'll be able to keep a keener eye from toxic people because, sadly, some of them have CIA levels of deception and cunning. And it just comes naturally without them even knowing better...
much love, man. you will grow from this.