Newbie to site

[Misfortune]

Greetings I'm Misfortune, on seriously dangerous cocktail of respiratory failure & deadly prescription meds: Fentanyl 25mcgs/hr patch, diludid 16mgs tabs as needed, lyricia 75mgs twice a day, nortriptoline 150mgs once a day, xanax 0.5mgs 4x's a day, prozac 80mgs once a day, flonase, Excedrin Migrane 1000mg every 24 hours & various vitamins.
I've been suicidal since elementary school with major depressive disorder, suicide attempts, possible borderline personality disorder? Or Manic?
My doctor's all communicate, know what meds I'm on & all the other fun details of being me.
I am the most unluckiest person in the world & when I fuck up I fuck up BIG time, same with serious injuries hence all the opoid pain medication.
I find it wretched that I have such a high level of tolerance to narcotics that I have to take so many drugs at such high levels. I don't feel Euphoric when taking them & I do not understand addictions? I've stopped all my meds at once & going days & weeks without them. It is not hard for me to do. Stupid yes cuz of possible death from benzo & narc withdrawals.
I'm here because I know there has to be people like me on here & want to talk about emo's related to them.
I've done herion for a few weeks & all it did was make me sleep & sleep very well. But no high & no addiction to it, I just didn't do it, I just stopped, boyfriend who shot me up had to do hard core detox 45 days inpatient & rehab inpatient which I do not understand his addictions?
Well enough about me blabbering I just was gonna say hello

 

[RDP89]

Hello and welcome to Bluelight, Misfortune!

 

[Bearlove]

Welcome to the site.
Phew that is one hell of a lot of medication !

We have a few sections that you may find informative or useful - Pain Management/Living with pain is discussed over in Healthy Living and we have a section called the 'Dark Side' where people discuss mental health issues / suicide etc (maybe your story may offer some hope to others).

Check them out if you like.

Bear

 

[Chalzz]

Hey Misfortune, your boyfrieds Detox may come from many years of experience. But understand that we All have a different sotuation. Im sorry to hear about your luck. .! It happens to alot of us at some point . . My situation is similar with your bad luck too, it just fell on a differrent side of the spectrum. Strenghth and solidarity comes with unity and compassion for others. We play hard around where im from, but unity, trust, and loyalty fell off the Atlas about ten years ago, and its been a struggle to keep the balance ever since. This sparked an interest to look thru a broader spectrum for help. . Hang in there, be safe, and for the positive in Every negative. Its hard to see it, but its there. .