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Raz

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2002
Messages
7,329
Location
In an igloo made of asbestos and chicken-wire.
Disclaimer: This is kinda crappy, I'm just grumpy and sleepy and way too tired to actually compose all of the below into something which reads well...lol..anywho....

It's dark and it's cold and I'm tired and cranky and hungover and all I really want out of life is a hug. Someone not to fuck, but to fall asleep with.

I've been thinking about travelling. I've been thinking about leaving behind all my insecurities and venturing out into the night scared and alone, propelled by adrenalin and the promise of the new.

So what's holding me back? I think about it for a while. My friends are growing old, my life is growing old. It's growing me old unless I do something new.

Maybe it's not so much the promise of the new, but the shock of the new.

Maybe it's the first harsh slap of Winter that hits me when I leave the house. Before the chill sets in and leaves me numb.

Maybe I'm tired of being numb.

I'm tired of being bored.
I'm tired of being boring.
I'm tired of being me.

I need...I don't know what I need. I don't know what I want to need. All I know is that it's new. It's out there and it's new.
 
all I really want out of life is a hug. Someone not to fuck, but to fall asleep with.

one way or another that's what we are searching for all our lives. that contentment. When things start getting mundane, things seem to start suffocating you and you get that feeling that you need to break out of that monotonous cycle.

Whatever it is, as you said - it's out there, and you'll find it :)
*hugs* it's not crappy, just straight from the heart :D
 
I've been thinking about travelling. I've been thinking about leaving behind all my insecurities and venturing out into the night scared and alone, propelled by adrenalin and the promise of the new.

So what's holding me back?

I don't think any of this was crappy at all. Quite good, as a matter of fact.

Sounds like `the robot' has grabbed the wheel of your will (see `Colin Wilson' about `the robot'). Spontaneity, it has been said, is one answer... the intense rush of the unfamiliar heightening awareness and bringing meaning back to life and all.

I have noticed in my world, too, that things have gotten cold and I am growing old... and seeing as how it's summer here in Ohio and I'm only 24, that should be a bad sign.

Indeed, boredom has to be one of the most horrid things. Sometimes going to extremes is the only cure... kind of like a pinch waking you up from your doze, or a shot of expresso or something.
 
i've never regretted doing anything odd and spontaneous, because it was indeed driven by my curiosity and spontaneous. i love the feeling of picking up everything in my present life, leaving, and resorting things (objects and mentality alike).
at the moment i'm trying to move out in august. i'm planning it this time, though. as i've said i don't regret anything i've done in the past. i moved out and it felt great to be free and alive, living each day as though it were my first (not my last- that phrase makes me think of dying, not living). i just want to have enough money this time to stay away from my home town. i hate it here. there's so much out there in the world i haven't seen, haven't experienced. you only live life once, so live it right. live it the way YOU need to. go with your instincts and run away. remember, you can always come back. your family and your friends will always be there. they're happy where they are. if you're not... if you're driven by an impulse to see more of the world... GO! i'm about to... 2 more months.

(don't forget, rewiiired! i know how good your memory can be;) )
 
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