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Hi everyone. Pretty new to this forum and very new to sharing, so I apologize in advance if I make some errors in the future. I am a 38 yr old female in Asia who is currently trying to battle my own substance abuse. As usual in high-achiever, I developed very early insomnia problems in my teens. Fear of failure and not making the top contribute to my insomnia. I used to sleep at 10pm and woke up at 2am just to study till 6am since that's the best time to do it. The house is quiet and no disturbance. Competition is very high in my country so I needed to do what I could to "make it". As such, at around the age of 15, I started having insomnia and fear of not sleeping since that would mean less concentration on exam days. I started with antihistamine then and gradually fell to diazepam. I got into the best university on scholarship and graduated within 4 years. Got my first job at 21 in an MNC and never backed down since then. However, my diazepam no longer enough at around the age of 27 and I fell into Ativan. I am married, with a daughter and a kind husband. Two years ago, I left my high post in a European MNC trying to overcome my Ativan and Diazepam addiction. I turned to herbal supplements while trying to wean off my drugs. Took a less stressful role and trying to self medicate myself. Without realizing and massively due to ego, I tried valerian root, gaba, melatonin, relora, lemon balm and anything I could find OTC. I have to admit that I abused all these supplements based on the belief that they are there to counteract the "real drugs", so no harm in consuming them as I pleased. Till last week, I can count per night, starting at 7pm, 2 pills of theanine serene, 2 pills of gaba, 2 pills of sleep sound. 8 pm, 2 pills of theanine serene, 2 pills of gaba, 5 valerian pills, 5 sleep aid, 5 pills of melatonin. 9 pm, same as 8pm, and another dose at 10pm. In the past 1 year I have slept apart from my husband since I realized that my insomnia affected his sleep as well. He would always hold my hand while I cried eventhough he is asleep. So, last year I moved to the guest room. Only the past 3 nights I have totally decided to cut all the supplements since my husband decided to remove them completely. The past 3 nights surprisingly went well. I slept with only 1 melatonin, 2 sleep sound and 2 theanine serene and 2 antihistamine. I could sleep, but in the morning I suffer from headaches, heightened sensation and nausea. I didn't dare to eat anything, just drinking water. I am not working now, so maybe this is ok. My husband asked me to see a doctor but I am too scared. Do you somehow know if this is a withdrawal effect?
 
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