new to this forum, but very upset *sensitive topic*

[Shady Kaity]

It recently got brought up and made a joke out, the fact that I, unfortunately, had to have an abortion literally two days before this past mothers day. It most likely brought up as a cruel joke, seeing as the person knows nothing about me or my past, but it brought back a lot of bad memories of that day, and now im quite upset. I guess I haven't really dealt with the emotions of it yet, and im not quite sure what exactly im feeling at the moment...not sure what I even should be feeling...im just crying silently.
If any girls or anyone for that matter, who has been through this or a similar situation, can relate to me, or even just someone to maybe try to help process my emotions, please try to talk to me. Bad memories are plaguing my thoughts, and I just want to be able to cope with the reality that the abortion did happen, and its in the past.
Any help, or words of advice are appreciated.
Thanks.

 

[stellablue]

I have not been in this situation, but it seems like a very cruel thing for your friend to say to you. I don't see the joke in it or that they are much of a friend for being so cruel. If I were you I would just distance myself from that person. Sometimes things are better left in your past and not thrown in your face. Everyone has things that we are not happy about or wished it didn't happen. Fact is in retrospect it can not be taken back. So now you need to try to come to terms with it, and know your real friends would have never brought it up like that to hurt you. I know of a few friends that are dealing with this kind of situation, and a couple of them needed councling afterwards. It is a very hard decision to make, I could only imagine the pain your feeling now. I am sure you had your reasons. Again I just think you need to help yourself heal and come to terms with this. Sorry I am not more help but I wish you the best. Love and light.

 

[Sappy_6794]

It recently got brought up and made a joke out, the fact that I, unfortunately, had to have an abortion literally two days before this past mothers day. It most likely brought up as a cruel joke, seeing as the person knows nothing about me or my past, but it brought back a lot of bad memories of that day, and now im quite upset. I guess I haven't really dealt with the emotions of it yet, and im not quite sure what exactly im feeling at the moment...not sure what I even should be feeling...im just crying silently.
If any girls or anyone for that matter, who has been through this or a similar situation, can relate to me, or even just someone to maybe try to help process my emotions, please try to talk to me. Bad memories are plaguing my thoughts, and I just want to be able to cope with the reality that the abortion did happen, and its in the past.
Any help, or words of advice are appreciated.
Thanks.

Oh my god, thats so mean that someone brought that up as a joke! I hope that you don't feel guilty about what you did. I haven't been in this situation, but ive put a lot of thought into it if I ever need to make this decision, so my words may not be so helpful... But I want you to know that many ladies have had to do what you've done, amd don't feel so bad about it. There was a reason you did what you did, its not like you just went out and said "Hey, i want an abortion today!". You did what you needed to, there was a reason you decided you couldnt take care of a child at this point in your life, and I think it was a very adult and mature decision. Its better to do what you did than raise a child in a un-perfect time in your life. You are a lady, so be strong and don't let these people get you down : D *hug*

 

[herbavore]

I would advise you to get counseling if you can. The person that made a joke of this is incredibly insensitive, though it may have been from lack of experience and not any intentional meanness. Having an abortion, no matter what your views, is a traumatic experience. Even when it is the absolutely right decision it feels terribly wrong. The world treats this issue in the most polarized black and white terms and IME it is the epitome of grey. The hard and fast platitudes from either side do nothing to foster understanding of the complexity of the decision or the reality of what it entails. I had an abortion as a young teenager at a time when they had only just been legalized in NY(still illegal everywhere else in the U.S.). I thought that I had made the right decision and "put it behind me". "Putting it behind me" carries a certain amount of irony for me now. I did not leave it in the past--it is right there behind me to this day! When I had my first child, a welcome pregnancy, it resurfaced with more guilt than I thought was bearable. Having just lost my youngest child to overdose, it now surfaces again in the most irrational and insidious way. I have been trying to deal with it in counseling and I strongly suggest that if it available to you that you pursue that option, as well. Burying emotions is the most dangerous thing we can do with them and yet it is usually our first attempt at protecting ourselves. Please PM me any time. I'm sure that you will get a lot of responses here to help you process your feelings. You are very brave to post and also to want to delve into the feelings themselves. Much love and support.

 

[Shady Kaity]

Thank you all so much. The reason why I felt it was the best decision to do what I did is that I am only 20 years old, I have an almost two year old son who may be diagnosed with autism, is showing signs of ADHD, and has to have all these test done, I felt there was no way to handle two kids seeing as im just making it with my son now. I do feel really guilty, that is definitely one of the key emotions I feel, and I think anger...or sadness that I automatically turn into, as I usually do. I always think of the What if, or the What could have been, and the fact that I kept my son with a man that I didnt truly love, and i'm so hurt by the fact that I wasn't able to keep this child for the man i'm truly in love with now, i feel guilty about that too...if that even makes sense..I have a lot of self hatred over that. I have a mentality that I can handle anything life throws at me, so I feel as if having the child might have possibly worked itself out some how...again the what ifs and what could have beens flooding my mind. And why did I have to go through that, why was I chosen to experience this? I truly believe everything in life happens for a reason, so I hope that reason plays out soon. I thought I had put it behind me as well but when the very rude and inconsiderate, ignorant question " how many abortions have you had", was asked. it brought back the memories of that entire day....and that day was two days before mothers day...of all weekends...i just realized today that it is not behind me, i am not okay with it, and i don't know how to deal. I feel as if i almost regret doing it because its causing me so much agony....but I couldn't have cared for that child at this time in my life, so maybe i should look at it as sacrificing my selfishness for the sake of the baby not being well cared for? Idk i'm very distressed.
I do have a therapist and will bring it up at my next visit. Again, thank you all for your kind words, advice, and taking the time to listen to me.

 

[Alex000]

If there is one thing I do not believe in it is regrets. You can't change the past, it is what it is, and it has made the present. Without events in the past, things would be different today, and you cannot change the past, so there is NO reason to hold a single regret. I do not like the saying "can't (or is it don't) cry over spilled milk", because you can and that is natural, just don't regret the fact it was spilled. I don't know if this makes sense, but it is how I feel.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You are still an amazing person and I'm sure you wouldn't feel this bad if you didn't have a lot of empathy in your heart.

It would truly take a twisted/disturbed person to make a joke out of a medical procedure, so please, don't let this upset you no matter how upset you already are. Look towards bigger and brighter things. Anyone who makes fun of you doesn't deserve your time and energy at all.

Sometimes people will say cruel things to us in life, you just have to let these people go as they aren't your friends.

 

[Shady Kaity]

thank you, you guys are right...no regrets. I did it for the right reasons and it was the best, but hardest, decision i could have made.. I just hope that it gets easier over time to think about it

 

[Missykins]

The decision to terminate a pregnancy is an extremely difficult one, and I have never met a women who made that decision do so without feeling
some remorse after the fact. These crazy "pro-life" (whose life are they referring to?) people act as if women consider abortion as they would any
other form of "birth control" which is simply not the case. I imagine that, as with any other traumatic event, there will be certain triggers that
will bring feelings of sadness back to the surface again. That's normal and to be expected, and, in no way does it indicate that you made the wrong
decision. And it doesn't mean that you won't be a great mom in the future when you're ready and able to care for a child with a supportive partner.

 

[Termino]

My daughter had an abortion a couple years ago. I was the one who went with her to the clinic. She still has some feelings of guilt, but acknowledges that deep down she knows she made the right decision. Based on your circumstances Kaity, I'm sure you did the right thing too. It's unfortunate that some people are so cold and insensitive to others. Abortion is not a joke at all.

My son is diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder, ADHD & depression. Caring for him is a lot of work... fortunately he's the youngest. I think that you need to really focus your attention on your son. It's not his fault who his dad is, so don't even consider that. Treasure your little boy and rest assured that you did what's right for you. And try not to let stupid assholes get you down.

 

[Shady Kaity]

My daughter had an abortion a couple years ago. I was the one who went with her to the clinic. She still has some feelings of guilt, but acknowledges that deep down she knows she made the right decision. Based on your circumstances Kaity, I'm sure you did the right thing too. It's unfortunate that some people are so cold and insensitive to others. Abortion is not a joke at all.

My son is diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder, ADHD & depression. Caring for him is a lot of work... fortunately he's the youngest. I think that you need to really focus your attention on your son. It's not his fault who his dad is, so don't even consider that. Treasure your little boy and rest assured that you did what's right for you. And try not to let stupid assholes get you down.

Thank you for your words, its very much appreciated. you all have been so kind to me and have made me feel much better about the whole situation.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi Kaity, hun I am so sorry to hear that someone thought it would be even a little bit funny to make a joke out of such a personal and sensitive issue
I had an abortion 4 years ago. At the time I was extremely clucky and wanted to become a mother so badly, and I had no idea I was pregnant (we weren't trying). When I found out I was pregnant, for medical reasons I had to have it terminated at 6 weeks. I took it pretty well at the time because I knew that there was no other option, it had to be done.

...8 months later my first nephew was born. THAT is when it really broke me. I saw how perfect and amazing this little baby boy was, and to know that I could've also had a beautiful baby at that same time, completely broke my heart. I spent months second-guessing the abortion, I cried a lot and pined for the baby I could've had. My boyfriend had to constantly remind me that it had to be done and we could not have had that baby. But it still hurt.

So, I understand what you're going through Kaity. As others have said, you absolutely made the right decision. I know it hurts sometimes but please remember that. You've got a beautiful son who needs lots of attention right now so it's great that you're able to focus yourself on him for now
I also think it's a good idea to bring this up with your therapist at your next appointment, and I hope you feel better once you've talked about it with them. Take care, and please feel free to PM me any time