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  • NMI Moderators: M!$TER-ED

New to Sant Fe NM

Hi there, I made my first post here today as well :)

I have lurked for a while, though, and it seems like this place is full of support, good advice, and knowledge.

Why don't you tell a bit more about yourself? You need not be embarassed if that's an issue for you - I would think it's safe to say, you're not alone!

Take care.

Peace.
 
I'm 30 years old from Trenton New jersey. I moved out here for work for a year or so. My major problem is heroin aand its seems pretty difficult to find out here unfortunately ... maybe a good thing..
 
I too am from the NorthEast. And I'm 35.

You say it's difficult to find where you are currently and that perhaps that is a good thing. Do you WANT to quit? Or do you want to want to quit? Or do you have no desire to quit?

How long have you struggled with this? And what's your story? How did you get into it, and why?

It is nice to meet you, MB, and keep reaching out. Though I would call myself a complete and total introvert, I am learning the older I get that having support from others who care is a necessary and good thing.

Peace.
 
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Well I lost my brother two years ago to an overdose on heroin and started using to numb my feelings. I started snorting dope first (aka wasting it). I have been shooting for the last 2 years.. I struggle with the idea of quitting honestly don't know if I'm ready yet.. my problem is that I'm a function addict which makes things more difficult for me. It's a spiral I am just to familiar with.
 
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother :(

Was he your older/younger brother? Do you have other siblings? What's the family relationship currently like? What was your relationship like with your brother?

I am a snorter currently because I don't want to go down the IV road... slippery slope. Though, yeah...wasting. I have chronic pain and it's way cheaper than buying pills. I hate doctors. Just sayin, so you know I have experience with it too. How long were you snorting before you jumped to IV?

I lost an aquaintence to suicide, he was an IV user. And an old friend of mine, I know he is still IVing. Have not talked with him in quite some time. Last time I tried to get in contact, it didn't happen. But that's another thing.

Just know I have both personal and friend experience with H. Hoping that knowing that makes you more comfortable talking with me.

Were you close with your brother? What are your beliefs as far as where we do or don't go when we pass on? Just trying get a feel for where you're at. I don't want to say anything that offends your beliefs, so it is helpful for me to know what they are. I don't judge, by the way.

You say "it's a spiral I'm all too familiar with". Do you mean, from seeing your brother go through it? Or have you been in this kind of situation before, using? Etc.

Functioning addicts tend to be rather intelligent people. You would think that would make it easier to quit, but to the contrary, it seems that high intelligence tends to make it harder.

What line of work are you in? Why did you move for work?

You say you don't know if you are yet ready to quit. What would you say are your biggest obstacles to quitting?

Why don't you tell me all of the benefits and consequences for you, in your life, regarding your use? Sometimes it helps to see it written out in front of you. And it will help me know you better, and hopefully offer you support in a helpful way that is useful to you.

Again, I am SO sorry to hear about your loss... that is an awful thing to go through.

Peace.
 
My brother was actually a step sibling but to me there was no difference. We had gone to school together in the same town all through life. Just so happens our parents got married and we became family and most important best friends..brothers! We spent every moment together from 13 to 27 he was the best thing that ever happend to me . I also have two other step siblings that I am very close with but older in age. I feel that I am a very lucky person to have these people in my life. Our group of friends for that matter had all been together for the past 15 years now. Some people dabble in this others not so much but all understanding and accepting none the less.
We had my brother cremated and I car his ashes with me everywhere I travel. He was just the nicest guy and no one would have ever though it was going to be him since I had other friends in far worse shape.
He had only been experimenting with dope for a month or two but he mixed zanax with it.. my other brother found him dead on his lunch break. I of coarse found out and lost it ... I lost my best friend and brother. Needless to say I wanted to feel nothing and didn't care about the consequences. Quite a few of my friends felt the same way so we all just started getting high. I feel terrible for what I do because of what it did to my brother and feel I should be better then this. Hindsight is 20 20 right ?!
I use to hide or avoid feelings ...that's what im supposed to say right , not that I like the way it makes me feel or how I get off watching that plunger pull blood and enjoy that rush.
Avoid shooting if you can you will never look back. It will increase your use and is much more deadly. I've overdosed twice not fun at all..
Are you local in NM
 
My dear, I have a few tasks to attend to, and then I will respond. I could do it now but I don't want it to be rushed. I want to take my time replying to you. Your post breaks my heart :(

And I am in the NorthEast currently but I did live in the southwest for a bit, and I have been to NM - a relative of mine lives there.

Hang in there, love.

Be back very shortly.

Peace.
 
Hello my friend-

My tasks took me far longer than I had anticipated, and I am having a hard time staying awake now. I will be around tomorrow. I hope you get some good restorative rest tonight.

Remember - we are all here for a purpose. We all have a mission to accomplish in this life. Your life is important. You are important.

And with a little support, you can find your life's purpose, and find joy.

Please be gentle with yourself, and take good care.

Talk soon.

Peace.
 
Aww, I am so sorry to hear what you've been through :(

It must hurt so badly... the finality of death is a deep, deep pain, for those left behind.

If you don't mind, I am very curious about your beliefs regarding a possible afterlife? If you feel uncomfortable sharing here, feel free to email me.

And please don't worry - I am not a religious person who is going to try to preach to you. I am not a follower of any organized religion, actually, but I do have my own beliefs. However, within that, I am fully aware that my beliefs could in fact be wrong, so I don't judge anyone's beliefs, whether they believe in life after death or not. I will not preach to you about beliefs.

I ask because I think that people's beliefs tend to tie into how they cope, when you add in their individual personality. So I am curious what your thoughts are - if you feel like he is "with you", if you feel that he no longer exists at all, etc., and how you personally feel about those thoughts.

It really stood out to me, that you carry his ashes everywhere you travel. It sounds like your relationship was very deep and special. Your sense of loss must be so profound :( Can I ask, does it feel like it was yesterday, does it feel like lifetimes ago?

As far as what you're "supposed to say" ("I use to hide or avoid feelings ...that's what I'm supposed to say right, not that I like the way it makes me feel or how I get off watching that plunger pull blood and enjoy that rush."), please feel free to be honest with me, I certainly won't judge you for enjoying some part(s) of it. Say what you truly feel. No point in denying any aspects of it, the better you understand all of the reasons you use, the better armed you will be to work on those things.

My goodness, that he hadn't been experimenting long just adds to the tragedy in a way. I'm just so sorry you had to go through all of that. Do you feel guilt over anything? If so, I would be more than happy to talk with you about that, to try and help you look at things with another perspective so you can move past those terrible feelings.

Later on, I will email you a small story about an experience I had, after my friend shot himself in the head. I still feel guilt over having not been there. I didn't know he was suicidal...but, given his personality as well as events that occurred before his suicide, I should have known. Ugh. Guilt is a horrible thing to cope with.

I am going to drag my half-asleep a55 to a little field of sorts, down the road, to play frisbee for my dog. It's beautiful outside and I live in an apartment, so I need to find ways to keep her happy and healthy without a yard :)

She just sighed, so I suppose I'm taking too long for her lol.

I will be back on Bluelight after I return. Looking forward to seeing your reply.

Take good care of yourself my friend, and be gentle on yourself.

Peace.
 
Hey there sorry I have actually been pretty busy today. I haven't found anyone out here yet but have had some leads I just made some poppy tea to see how it works. I'm fairly religious and believe in god and do go to church. It's just such a struggle to feel good without this shit even tho I know it's possible. I'm just dying for a shot I need some fucking energy. I hope all is well on your end ..
 
Hey, how's it going?

I had a thought pop into my head, and wanted to give you a friendly reminder...

Having lived on both coasts I know that in the north east the H is typically in powder form, while on the west coast it is usually tar form.

Since you IV, I just wanted to remind you to be safe. Do you have any experience prepping tar? I'm sure there are many posts on bluelight that can help you if you are not familiar with it.

The first time I tried H I was on the west coast, and a friend prepped a small shot for me. I had a cross tolerance from taking pills, and he was so overly cautious with me that I didn't really feel much. I threw away the needle he gave me pretty soon after that, as I have bad chronic pain and did not want it to become easy to do that, in times of desperation, when the pain gets so bad that I will do ANYTHING to make it go away.

That's my one and only IV experience!

Please be careful, stay safe, do your research!

I will write more later on. Let me know how you're doing!

Peace.
 
How are you, my friend?

I'm hours away from 24 hours off of H! And doing ok so far!

I hope you are well. Thinking of you :-)

Peace.
 
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