New...to most

[S_W]

So, here's the back story.
I got hooked on crack after a few months of trying it. It was a bad scene BUT I walked away cold turkey.
Went to classes, etc.

Coke was never a problem for me. It was just a party drug. I could take it or leave it depending on the nigh.

This strange part of me feels like I'm kinda not all the way though my recovery (as strange as this is gonna sound) till I try other drugs. Like mostly all drugs.

Knowing me the way I do I just feel like if I don't try them controlled I'll try them uncontrolled (controlled = with my best friend going through something similar who calls me out when I'm fiending)

More and more I've been having the feeling like, if I try everything out there I'll be done.
NOW, I know that just being 'done' with a drug isn't as easy as it sounds. Trust me, I quit 'hard' cold turkey and haven't touched it since despite loving my addiction as much as I do.

I just am very worried that if I don't try more stuff in a controlled environment (at home, somebody there, etc) just to see what they feel like (I'm a go big or go home) I'll end up trying them elsewhere with less control

My best friend has done most everything and she's the one I'd want there cause she knows my tendancies.

Knowing me the way I do... I know I kinda need to go big or go home and 'going home' isn't an option since I've done the crack and still dabble in the cocaine.
I really feel, knowing me the way I do... I just need to go balls out.

I know just how terrible this. Also that I've been researching ways to take drugs without needles. Thats my personal line I draw there!

I'm a complex gal and I can't properly explain this drive.
I've smoked pot, crack, snorted coke and popped E
For most that would be plenty but in my mind I think that I missed out on the lesser (schrooms, MDMA, etc)
But I also wanna try the harder stuff.

I think the way I see it is that if I've tried crack (what everybody sees as one of the worst) I almost feel like I should just go for the gusto...

Now, not for ever. Literally just to try. A weekend or two where we binge out on lots of different stuff just to see.
I know it's weird, even before the drugs I didin't think quite straight.

I don't even have a question here really, I mean I have a list of drugs I wanna try...
I guess just some feed back pls and thx

 

[hurtin4certain]

stay away from drugs kids. they will bring the pain.

 

[NoRegrets]

This strange part of me feels like I'm kinda not all the way though my recovery (as strange as this is gonna sound) till I try other drugs. Like mostly all drugs.


More and more I've been having the feeling like, if I try everything out there I'll be done.


I just am very worried that if I don't try more stuff in a controlled environment (at home, somebody there, etc) just to see what they feel like (I'm a go big or go home) I'll end up trying them elsewhere with less control

i have same , iv been clean for a month now , but i still wanna try lots of other drugs , but i kno if im gonna touch them again , there is no way im goin 2 stop
and im gonna have problem again

 

[SececaRD]

Please use the REPORT Button rather than bringing more attention to the post in the thread.

 

[Lolie]

Sounds a lot like "pink clouding" where people believe that having got clean of their drug of choice they'll have control of their use of other drugs.

The kicker is that no-one can tell you which particular drugs will be a problem for you. Some people can take or leave crack while it totally consumes the lives of others. Some people are social drinkers while other people's lives are destroyed by it. Ditto meth. Ditto heroin.

That you can walk away from one drug doesn't guarantee you can do so from another. Your strong urge to go balls out and binge on other stuff and your feeling that you've "missed out" are reason for caution, and suggestive of you still thinking like a drug abuser.

The drugs aren't going anywhere - they'll always be there. You have the rest of your life in which to "try everything". That you feel a sense of urgency about it is definitely a red flag.

 

[Legerity]

I remember when I was in rehab I would hear about some of the things other people had done and I would think "Damn, I wish I would have tried that before coming here...". The problem with that line of thinking is that there will always be something you have not tried. Consuming every single street drug and research chemical that exists would require a lot of time, money, and energy. If there are a couple of things you are curious about trying that is one thing, but trying it "all" can be a never-ending quest. Maybe you will want to try a new route of administration once you've tried the drug. Or maybe you will try something and like it more than expected, making it hard to stop it after a weekend or two of use. Who knows?

There also seems to be some conflicting messages in your post. You say you want to use in a "controlled" manner, but then you mention that this will consist of binging over a weekend. If binging is what you want to do then you might as well be honest with yourself about it, labeling it as controlled or moderate use doesn't change anything.

I'm not telling you there is something inherently wrong about wanting to try them, but I'm just suggesting that you be realistic and honest with yourself. Why is it so important to you? What do you think you will get out of it? Do you really think one or two uses will satisfy your curiosity?