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new to bluelight :)

And im sorry looking back at my post I did make it seen a little easier said than done lol so forgive me I just thought why not try switching your opiates to something a little easier to manage with.

With me i had a decade of heroin use in mY life and I had to do a whole gram in one shot just to get that nodding feeling addicts crave so much. Getting high was starting to look like a thing of the past as my tolerance skyrocketed to over an 8ball of good dope every day I was getting sick of having to take it every couple hours or else I was Ill I felt lonely and my kidneys were almost shot , my liver was shot and my body was septic. I couldn't even take Tylenol without feeling signs of liver failure as I destroyed it taking codeine and percs in my early days. I was a mess and was all by myself. I couldn't take Methadone it made me sick unable to eat or shit along with sweating and feeling tired so I was back and forth in detox about ten times then one time I went in and they had suboxone it only came to Canada a couple years ago so we never used it before and when I took that it made me feel normal not high just happy no anxiety and able to sleep through the night without asking up every 3 hours to do a shot of dope. So I was so thankful and I only had a few relapses that lasted a week or so where I switched to dope from sub but every time I realised how stupid it is to be spending so much money on something to keep me well when I have sub so I would do my last shot of dope then have a nap and wake up a few hours later all sick so i take my sub and feel great like im back to normal. The last time I had to switch back to sub was January when my dad died and I found out what a bastard he really was but since then I feel great just getting my buzz on by taking sub and hope to detox off in the near future when I work all my problems out but for now.

I havent had to work to hard to stay clean hile on sub i mean i get high everyday on bupe and cannabis and I get to keep my hard earned money out of drug dealers hands and I don't have to sell dope and risk prison to keep up my habit but I still am high everyday pretty close to what I felt on heroin by taking bupe and marijuana together. At first sub will only cover withdrawals as you will need a high dose which blocks all euphoria from hitting you but as you taper down to 2mgs or so a day you will start feeling nice and high from the sub like as if you were popping painkillers like percocets or vicodin so it won't be that big a change for you if you can still get high while exploring the reasons you want that high in the first place so hopefully one day you won't even need the sub. The good thing about sub is you can take your sweet time and no ones rushing you or you don't feel rushed as your life will no longer be as chaotic. Staying on dope will only get worse over time until you end up alone like me and sick with only one thing to look forward to dope and even that is a love hate relationship as you know cause with dope it always wears the pants in the relationship lol it tells you where you gonna live, what your doing that day, where you are driving your car, and refuses to take no for an answer and pulls you back in if you try to deprive yourself of it or stop using.

You just gotta try I'm not being rude I was in your situation too but the first step is the hardest Its scary leaving your best friend behind that's always been there for you even if your not suffering through withdrawal it will be in the back of your mind
 
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I understand completely what your saying and where your coming from. I did love being on subs, I would iv 1-2 mg and I would feel great ALL DAYi loved it. My bf used the fact that I ived it (even tho I kept my works in MY DRAWER in MY bureau out of his sight.. He found it by accident one day or I think his brother ratted me out) as an excuse to get high & that's what started my relapse. But my problem is now that I can't get through more than half a day without dope. I always somehow manage to get at least one hit a day. I can't get thru to the 24-48 hr ark to avoid precipitated w/ds . I think that's where you and I keep having a bit of confusion. I would love to be back on subs, I have one handy for the day when it comes, my problem is I can't make it far enough through wd's to be able to take it.
 
Oh really you don't have to let yourself suffer to bad as long as you are physically sick your fine to take it. I wait 4 hours as I have a fast metabolism but I got a friend who waited 16 hours and still got really sick. So don't go by what I'd do or what captain heroin does cause we are all different and metabolise substances at a different pace.
 
No no my friend, lol I've experienced it myself. 3 times. Its the worst feeling ever. The longest I waited I think was 32 hrs? And I still got massive precipitated wd's :/
 
heroin_queen said:
Anyway can someone please justify my feelings about that whole thing and please tell me if im right or wrong about being upset about him taking a line and not at least paying 10$ for it.
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Yes, I will justify your feelings, he is a complete dick and I don't know why you put up with any of it. Well, I do know, but I really encourage you to just get rid of him and live your life better. <3

heroin_queen said:
So I say "dude that's NOT what captain heroin says!!"

He proceeded to stare at me blankly for about 5 minutes before telling me I was truly insane and needed help more than he thought. LMFAO he doesn't know what bluelight is hahaha I wish you could have seen his face!
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This is fucking hilarious. :)
 
I Thank you! Iknew I couldn't be that crazy. I was so pissed. Like "well that's all I have" like yea and that's all I had but I still had to give u a line and now I'm gonna be sick & u got nice & fuckin high last night right? For free? Fuckin asshole.

Hahahaha u liked my captain heroin story huh lmfao it was pretty awesome
 
I guess you process drugs really slow 32 hours is crazy but you shouldn't be too sick up till 24 hours if you actually do process drugs that slow. Its crazy how fast I can take it I have only ever waited 4 hours and I've been fine. But yea if you have opiates on your receptors you won't be feeling too bad up until they are completely cleared of opiates then you start to get real sick then it's time to take the sub. If you got precipitated withdrawal after 32 hours then you shouldnt be getting really physically sick until the 24-30 hour mark besides a bit of anxiety Or so in theory but like I said everyone is different when do you start getting sick?
 
Hiya HQ,

Captain Heroin is right. You need to get clean for yourself not for anyone else. If someone else isn't truly ready or truly wants to give up, they may do so but won't keep it up because they are not doing it for themselves. you're more than welcome to send me a PM If ever you want someone to talk to. I wish you all the very best. Also I hope that you are settling in here and enjoying Bluelight.

Best wishes with everything,
Evey <3
 
And also you could try mabye a benzo or something short acting to relieve your mental anxiety while you wait those 32 hours to get sick. There are other products that make that wait easier I can understand the mental withdrawals you would get waiting 32 hours even if your not quite physically sick yet its still hard cause you want to get high and have anxiety before the physical part comes.
32 hours though dam for heroin???
I would've loved to have still have heroin on MY receptors 32 hours after shooting up when I was still doing dope cause with me 2 hours later bam I start with the aches pains sweats and whatnot then at 4 hours I'm unable to eat or do much of anything until I fix again. I can't imagine still having heroin in my body 32 hours after shooting up but like I said we all process drugs so differently
 
And I didn't understand your story you said the guy who asked you for the rail never even got you the heroin? He was just the guys brother who didnt even get you the dope you said ?
If so then I would've told him to FUCK off that's my dope unless the guy helped me get it somehow then I would feel obligated.

But I know what you mean it sucks so bad when your hooked and somebody who isn't wants to get high off your stuff and they don't realize that's what's gonna keep you functioning the next day. I had a buddy like that you would give him one point then half hour later can I have another? And so on until I told him to get the fuck out of my house dam noochers
 
No lol the guy who asked for the rail was my boyfriends brother who lent me the money to buy the dope. Then I bought the dope, and had to give him a line for letting me borrow it. Which made no sense to me bc why should I share my shit with him if he's not gonna throw down on it? Like at least knock 10 off what I owe u if ur gunna take away from my supply you know? And yea I do metabolize drugs very slowly. By 32 hrs I don't feel like I have any left but there must have been some stragglers on my receptors cus pwds kicked in BAD. I've tried 24 hrs, 12 hrs, then about 30 like I said, never long enough. I've come to the conclusion that I must wait at least 48 hrs to take sub and I think its bc of how long I've been on the dope? I've literally only gone one day without it since the middle of march. Its awful. The days I wake up sick and all I can think about is how to get 40$. Or at the very least 35. & then that guy won't be around so I have to get up 50 cus the other guys live farther away and won't come out for one. I hate it. Me and my boyfriend are constant enemies, that's the worst. Were supposed to be a team, u know?

Evey thank u for your support, thank all of you. I know I should just get clean but the temptation is to great if he's still getting high. I know that's a cop out, I know. But it's honestly the truth.

I wish I had the will power to just stick out the couple days and take the sub. I know I'd feel wonderful I remember feeling amazing all the time. My room and house were spotless, I loved being at work, I loved just being regular. Even if IV'ing a drug to be normal was still wat I was doing it was manageable. I took care of myself, showered every day, I would do my hair, I had enough money/energy to do laundry. Life was so much better on sub.

But again, the temptation would still be there. In those 2 days of being sick I'd experience him nodding and eyes pinned and it would fire up the wretched demon already causing a burning hell inside me. And it would be too much to focus on the fact that the demon would sleep if I just pushed through.

I don't know. Its going to happen eventually. One of these days I'm going to have to run out of sources/ideas to hustle money. I already owe so many ppl money. Ppl that love me that wouldn't pester me about it. But I feel shitty bc I know they really didn't have it to give and they did any way. I have this uncle that have me about 600 in 2 weeks after receiving a disability retro check bc I kept going over there dopesick and he couldn't stand to see me sick so he'd tell me to call the guy. As long as I paid him back, which I promised I would.

& then there's my dad, desperately trying to make up for a lifetime of not being around, giving me 100 here and 50 there, thinking he's helping pay my gas or electric but he's just feeding bananas to the monkey on my back. I haven't stolen, though. Thank goodness. Except one time I took 50 in change from my boyfriend's brothers safe. But fuck him he stole my iPod when I was 16 and again when I was 19 so I don't feel bad about that.

But exactly trainspotter like why the fuck should I have had to give him a line?? That fucking line could've kept me well today! I wouldn't be sitting here dopdsick with money I borrowed off my other uncle for a 'bus pass' waiting for the dope man, puking shitting wiping my nose sweating and shivering like just so he could get a nice buzz with his beers and weed and last longer in the sack with his girl that night like FUCK HIM. Ugh. W.e. I'll be well soon.

Oh yea & my dickhead bf bought 3 bags yesterday came home and said he only had 1... Lies. ( I read his phone inbox ) split that with me & did his shot. The perfect proof that he has more is when he doesn't save his morning shot. He's gunna take a sub he says. Like mothwrfucker every time u say ur gunna take a sub I pray u actually do being so fuckibg stupid. He doesn't believe in pwds. Cus he's never had them/seen them. Ever ytime I got them I was alone and they only lasted about an hour bc I only did 1 mg thank God. Anyway, I ended up tossing and turning all night and at 3 am decided fuck it I'm doing my shot I need to sleep. And convinced myself I'd be a le to get him to share in the morning.

Nope. Big fight. Says he's taking a sub. Then he sends MD to get him a snack for his lunch... I walk back in the room and he's stuffing a needle in his pocket claiming he's going to shoot the sub. Lies. He thinks that's gross. So he tells me he hates me blah blah blah but u kno what? Fuck him I'm not giving him none of what I get these 2 bags are MINE!!
 
Yea that's too bad your boyfriend sounds like he's getting really bad and pissing off his work isn't good too he's becoming unreliable by the sounds of it .

And it doesn't really matter how long you have done dope for its all about tolerance when it comes to how physically addicted an addict is. Say a person did a gram a day for 5 years then there's someone else who only did heroin for 6 months but he did an 8ball or more a day. The person who had the 8 ball a day habit is gonna be more (physically) addicted to the stuff than the decade long addict due to how high his tolerance is from doing all that dope.

This is the scientific part this doesn't account for the person mabye falling in love with he dope cause they've done it for so long that's all mental the physical withdrawals are determined not by length of time the person was on drugs but yet how much the person tolerance was.

You are just somebody with a slow metabolism cause 32 hours is a long time for something with a half life of about 4 hours.

Your just one of the rare exceptions(well not so rare other people mention the same thing sometimes with heroin but average wait time is 8-16 hours I found) that have to wait at least 24 hours due to how their body processes Drugs. Your boyfriend sounds like he can get away with doing it sooner like I can he just processes drugs differently than you do its not really how long you've done it for I mean I've done heroin a decade or so and I can take my sub only 4 hours after . Another thing is you can try a Lower dose to start cause injecting 1mg is a lot of bupe you should always start slow at say 0.2mgs then add to that until you feel well every hour the higher dose you do the greater your chances of going into withdrawals are the smaller you do the less chance you have and if you do get PW's then its not as severe as taking one huge dose.

Bupe is strong stuff and the lower dose you do the better it feels ultimately because of its unique mechanism as a opiate agonist/antagonist and taking into account microgram doses convert to nor-bupe which instead of being a partial agonist like plain bupe is its a full on agonist such as morphine is. This is why pain patients who get bupe prescribed cause they don't react well to other drugs or whatever usually get the bupe in microgram doses every 4 hours or so due to the fact bupe only works on pain the first 4 hours its in your body despite its long half life.

The average dose for pain patients who get bupe prescribed in either an injectable form or in temgisic buprenorphine pills ( sublingual Buprenorphine pills for pain that come in strengths of 0.2mgs and 0.4) is usually 0.4 mgs to 0.6 mgs every 4 to six hours. When taking like this maximum euphoria and pain relief is achieved out of the medicine large doses end up being a waste but are needed usually at first for heroin addicts with big habits for instance I started on 8mg after coning off my large heroin habit but now I only need 0.3mgs every 6 hours to get buzzed and my pain relief taken care off since ei have a lot of issues for my age in that sense.

I hope things start getting better for you and you keep coning back here to BL we do have a sober living section too that is great for support from many addicts who have been through addiction and come out the other side a better person.
 
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I'm finally well. My dope man came thru about 2 hrs ago thank the gods of drugs. Now I don't have to call out of work tonight. It was only a 3 hr shift but still I don't wanna be an asshole and call out. But I CANT go to work sick its the most miserable experience ever.

I'm really fucked up about my relationship being destroyed bit by bit by this drug. It really bothers me. 10 years together and we've never fought like this. It's always me starting the fights too bc I hate being lied to & I hate being dope sick. I love him so fuckin much it hurts. We've been through so much adversity already in our lives together and this is supposed to be the happiest times of our lives.

When we were younger we struggled with his drug/alcohol problems that kept landing him arrested. 2 years on probation, violated 7 times and kept getting slaps on the wrist and then his luck ran out in the summer of 2010 and he ended up in jail on a 2.5 year sentence. I spent the next 16 months dreaming about how much better our future was going to be. Fantasizing about these very years I'm in now being so incredibly wonderful bc we're together under the same roof in the same bed. Were supposed to be happy. This is not how it was supposed to happen. I was always his rock, helping him stay away from the drugs. That was my life mission since I was 16 was to help him fight it even if I fought my whole life. And now I'm a junkie with him and we're miserable. I hate myself for letting it get this bad. I knew better. But the H has such a grip on my brain & spirit. I'm not myself.

Every night I watch him sleep & talk to his sleeping self & apologize. He's truly beautiful when he's asleep. I just want us to be close again so bad. I want my partner and friend back. I hate this. Even fixing up my shot today I cried a little bc I'm so tired and I want us to be free again. Free to live and love and just be 2 people in love. I'd give anything. Often times I think he'd be better off without me, as would the rest of the ppl I know. I don't have any friends. I haven't talked to my family (aunts uncles cousins) in 10 years. My mother moved to Colorado with my only brother. My father lives in a sober house about an hour from here but he's never been a consistent part of my life anyway. Davids all I have. He's all i've ever had. He's taken care of me for years. I love him so fucking much.

Idk what I'm talking about anymore this post sort of lost its direction. I'm sad, & a little opiated; not as much as I should be for the size of the shot I took. Tolerances are a bitch, huh? I'm gonna go fix up & get ready for work

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice and opinions. Bluelight was a good idea for me. I'll check back in soon
 
I hope things get better everyone deserves a chance I hope you find the strength to get well same with the boyfriend I mean its easy for us to say oh just leave him you know but I can tell he truly is your world besides the dope so that isn't as easy as it sounds.

Keep coming back take as long as you need :) I hope you know I wasn't eevr judging you I've been where you are I was just trying to put things into perspective for you we are not here to judge you but to be here for support when you shall need it.
Keep coming back keep making attempts to get clean it's all part of the process where you try have a set back but as long as you get back on the horse as they say and making attempts that's good on you. It took me almost ten tines in detox before getting to where I am today and now I'm starting school to become a counsler hopefully working in the local detox as they have treated me so well I've rthe years and been so patient with me and understanding and I want to give back and help my fellow addicts.
 
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