So I started again tonight... I don't know what happened this time... I got home from work at 7pm tonight(at that point it was 24hr since last dose of half bundle of D) and i was takeing Gaba all day bc i knew i wasnt having and opiates and strting sub. So when i got home i fell right asleep. Then i woke up at 12am ( about 30 hrs now)with horrible WD so i took 2mg of sub i waited loke an hour n half and i was still in pain; very bad RLS so I redosed another 2 mgs of sub. Now another hour has gone by and my legs still hurt a bit.... Not going to dose again.... I don't want to go above 4mgs. Also took some more GABA and muscle relaxers. Hoping sleep will come soon very disappointed that jus 2mg wouldnt work. I don't know why it worked last week?!
One thing I have learned, is that no matter how hard you try, how many stories you read, and how many people you talk to, you just cannot predict the results of combining chemistry and individual biology with 100% accuracy. There are way too many variables. This thread is a great example. One person says he can taper off suboxone perfectly fine, another says there is no possible way to avoid suboxone withdrawal regardless of the taper and jumping off point. One time low dose suboxone works, another it doesn't. Furthermore, as has been discussed in a variety of threads, your body learns, changes, and adapts...unfortunately sometimes in ways that we would prefer it doesn't (e.g. addiction and worsening WD). We can make our best guesses in terms of how our bodies with react, but life laughs at our attempt to control it.
Also, as promised, I want to give a final conclusion with regards to my suboxone experience. In the end, Suboxone did not work for me this go-round. Now, let me say, I am in no way talking down about Suboxone, as obviously it has proved to help a lot of people, and despite the ultimate failure to provide the relief I was searching for, it did add some value nonetheless. For example, it gave me enough time to prevent relapse to get a clear head and gain some valuable insight regarding my situation, how I got into it, how deep I really was, and how much I really do want to get out. However, I also feel I experienced some atypical adverse reactions to the drug.
At first, I couldn't differentiate between the cause of symptoms I was having, as I didn't know if they were from jumping off from such a high dose of oxy, if there were issues with my DT due to going into PW, or if I was just reacting poorly with the suboxone. I now believe that at a minimum, I was having adverse reactions to the suboxone since I would wake up with cold sweats and leg pain, take the suboxone, which would fix the cold sweats and pain, but then an hour or two later get headache, abdomen pain, fatigue, loss of appetite, and later insomnia. Now, keep in mind it is very likely that indeed it is a combination of all three, and some of these symptoms are residual issues from the initial Oxy DT that are just not fully covered up by the amount of suboxone I used, or due to the quickly tapering; however, the fact that I would have symptom set A prior to taking it, and then an hour or two after taking it get symptom set B, leaves me confident that my reaction to suboxone was at least part to blame. That said, when I do it all over again, I may consider trying it on a more limited short-term (<6 days) low-dose DT that some have been very successful with.
Ultimately I would rather have a quick and more intense DT than a long and protracted one. Therefore, I ended up going back on a short action full agonist yesterday evening, and intend to stay on such for at least the next 3 to 4 weeks. My DT experience has allowed me to significantly decrease my tolerance, and while I am letting my body git rid of this longer-term high-affinity opiod, I am going to continue to further taper my dose down. Assuming I am successful with a good taper, I will either go CT with common DT "recipes," or possibly use lose doses of suboxone for a short time period as mentioned previously. My back up plan, worse case scenario, should my habit revert back to what it was, I will explore the methadone option if CT is absolutely not tolerable / feasible given life circumstances.
I also want to give some very much deserved credit to both BL and the BL community. I owe a LOT to those who have been gracious enough to share their knowledge, advice, and constructive feedback. These past 16 days (wow) have really opened my eyes on a lot of different levels. I feel much more aware of my issue, why I fell into it, how deep I got, how it impacts my future, as well as what I am going to do about it. Ironically, although I have been pretty miserable during this time frame, I at least reminded myself of who I was prior to being constantly numbed by the opiates, and oddly enough realized I don't even like the feel of the full agonist as much as I thought I did - which sounds strange now that I type it out. Anyways, I feel this thread has been a success in my HR in numerous ways, including using suboxone correctly, providing a support network, as well as education for continuing reducing my dependency on opiates. I am in a better state both mentally and physically than I would have been otherwise.
That said, if there are any mods reading, I do feel my original objective has been accomplished, and am OK if you decide it is time to close this thread. Otherwise, I would be more than willing to continue to provide updates and discussing the topic with those who wish to join in. My hope is that my experience with going into PW and having adverse reactions to the suboxone will provide some insight into an experience that is not as common as either the short 6 day DTs, or 2month+ DTs stories that I mostly found.
