PharmGirl77
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2015
- Messages
- 26
My hands are sweating as I type my first post. Not sure what I'm worried about. Accepting/admitting I'm an addict maybe?
Anyways, I've been following Bluelight for a couple years. When I would Google drug questions there was always at least one Bluelight thread in the results. The more I've read from here, versus other forums, the more I've grown to like and trust Bluelight. So I guess this is the next step!
I'm an opiate addict. Like most of us I imagine, I didn't start out with the intentions of becoming one. Three years ago I got my tonsils out, and had some leftover painkillers lying around. One day I was really dragging (I work full-time, married, two kids, house, etc...), and I remembered I had those stupid, stupid pills. They never made me tired. In fact, they gave me tons of energy and made me feel really good. So I took a couple, had a great day, felt like superwoman. I got tons of stuff done, and at the time, truly felt they made me a better person. All too quickly two wasn't enough. Then it was three, four, ... you know how it goes. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when I needed 600mg oxycodone in a day to feel "good." It occurred to me that 600mg of oxy was a lot, and so I searched for others out there on similar doses. And when I read in a post that some/most people had switched to heroin by this point, it was a wake-up call.
I've tried to quit multiple times in the past. The first time I didn't even realize I was addicted until I had horrible withdrawals from quitting cold turkey. Lately, I've been more successful with tapering, and I also had several meetings with a counselor from my church. I have a really good support system. But those pills...I am around them every day. I have complete access. I'm an alcoholic working in a bar, so to speak. I have lost my ability to cope with things naturally. I reached a point when I thought there was a pill for everything. You know what? There isn't. Trust me. It's never, ever enough...
But it's been nearly a week since I've taken anything. I had read a lot about loperamide being helpful in opiate withdrawal, so I gave it a try. It worked really well. All the physical symptoms went away (hot/cold flashes, sweating, diarrhea, stomach cramps, dilated pupils, that horrible skin crawling...). Emotionally I'm on a roller coaster though. When I get stressed, my body totally overreacts, and releases way too much adrenaline. Before or when I first get to work I'll start dripping sweat, shaking, horrible anxiety...but it eventually passes. I'm researching PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), which I hadn't heard of until recently, and it explained a LOT about why I've had so much trouble in the past.
I am determined to make 2015 a GOOD YEAR, a life-changing year. I haven't completely destroyed my life yet. I WILL get better! I have to. I love my husband and kids too much. I'm not taking them down with me. Here goes nothing...
Anyways, I've been following Bluelight for a couple years. When I would Google drug questions there was always at least one Bluelight thread in the results. The more I've read from here, versus other forums, the more I've grown to like and trust Bluelight. So I guess this is the next step!
I'm an opiate addict. Like most of us I imagine, I didn't start out with the intentions of becoming one. Three years ago I got my tonsils out, and had some leftover painkillers lying around. One day I was really dragging (I work full-time, married, two kids, house, etc...), and I remembered I had those stupid, stupid pills. They never made me tired. In fact, they gave me tons of energy and made me feel really good. So I took a couple, had a great day, felt like superwoman. I got tons of stuff done, and at the time, truly felt they made me a better person. All too quickly two wasn't enough. Then it was three, four, ... you know how it goes. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when I needed 600mg oxycodone in a day to feel "good." It occurred to me that 600mg of oxy was a lot, and so I searched for others out there on similar doses. And when I read in a post that some/most people had switched to heroin by this point, it was a wake-up call.
I've tried to quit multiple times in the past. The first time I didn't even realize I was addicted until I had horrible withdrawals from quitting cold turkey. Lately, I've been more successful with tapering, and I also had several meetings with a counselor from my church. I have a really good support system. But those pills...I am around them every day. I have complete access. I'm an alcoholic working in a bar, so to speak. I have lost my ability to cope with things naturally. I reached a point when I thought there was a pill for everything. You know what? There isn't. Trust me. It's never, ever enough...
But it's been nearly a week since I've taken anything. I had read a lot about loperamide being helpful in opiate withdrawal, so I gave it a try. It worked really well. All the physical symptoms went away (hot/cold flashes, sweating, diarrhea, stomach cramps, dilated pupils, that horrible skin crawling...). Emotionally I'm on a roller coaster though. When I get stressed, my body totally overreacts, and releases way too much adrenaline. Before or when I first get to work I'll start dripping sweat, shaking, horrible anxiety...but it eventually passes. I'm researching PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), which I hadn't heard of until recently, and it explained a LOT about why I've had so much trouble in the past.
I am determined to make 2015 a GOOD YEAR, a life-changing year. I haven't completely destroyed my life yet. I WILL get better! I have to. I love my husband and kids too much. I'm not taking them down with me. Here goes nothing...
