New member

[Art1884]

Hello all,
I've read these posts for about a year and have never posted or responded...however, I don't think I could respond since I wasn't registered, ha!
I'm an opiate addict and am working towards getting sober but it's so hard. I'm also married to an opiate addict. He has been an addict for years to other drugs and about two years ago started pain pills. I followed him and started. We both have amazing jobs with such great pay but we're constantly broke. I want to be clean but it's hard when that temptation is in the same bedroom.
Hopefully I can get some much needed wisdom from people who have been clean and sober. Do I leave and start a fresh new life? I want to badly. Ugh! I'm so lost.

 

[Smoky]

Hi, Welcome aboard ! !

I'm an Opiate addict in recovery. Great to have you here. When you say, " Do I leave and start a fresh life ? " what does that look like?

In my experience I couldn't taper off work and get clean living with another active user. I had to personally separate myself from him and the environment, as he wasn't ready to also quit.

This is just my experience. Check out some of the Recovery sections below including the Dark Side and perhaps even, Relationship forums.

Best,
Smoky

 

[Art1884]

Hi Smoky!! How exciting that you've replied to me!! I haven't been on here in a while because I've been busy taking opiates! Ugh! I'm so tired of this life. I have 3 kids and I'm scared as hell that Christmas is going to be horrible for them because I spend crazy amounts of money on percs.

I want to leave my husband. Not to blame everything on him because it was and is my decision to co to us to take them but I feel like if I married a different man or not gotten married at all I wouldn't be in this situation. In the beginning before I was a full blown addict, he would fill this little shot glass up with pills for me to take. He would constantly refill it whenever it got low. About 10 years ago, he introduced me to cocaine and I ended up doing coke for about 2 years and stopped when I got pregnant with my second child. I haven't done coke since.

You left your significant other? How? Was it hard? Did you two have children? Married? I desperately need some type of support. No one knows what I do on a daily basis except my husband. No one would ever believe it. I work out constantly, I'm very health conscious and I'm so damn insecure that I am always all made up...makeup, hair fixed up, always trying to be super fashionable. I have so many issues. I have zero self love. Im so so broken. Sorry for rambling. I've prayed for a mentor. A wise woman that has been in my situation and conquered life. Im desperate for someone. Ugh.

Thank you so much for responding to me!! It means the absolute world to me. Thank you, thank you!! I hope you're having an awesome day so far!

 

[Smoky]

Hi,

Absolutely ! !

Glad you decided to respond and stick around. I do understand on some level, especially regarding the holidays, as well as being tired of life. That's how I was, so very sick and so very tired of the lifestyle. financial loss... and emotional pain.

Being on the constant cycle of pills is so very difficult. Have you tried something longer acting, or Suboxone.. at least to stabilize then taper off? Or considered it? There are emergency medications as well available for tapering. Having children is tough and living with an active user isn't the best environment to do so in. It can be done but the triggers are there. As you say, " in your bedroom "

First time, I went into short term rehab, then found sober roommates to reside with, got on antidepressants (not on currently) and found a therapist. I was able to leave him at this point. I couldn't when I was with him. We would separate but I couldn't stop using in the same environment. The environmental change made all the difference in the world and being around others with a similar purpose. A second time I was living alone when I relapsed and tapered off alone, now have over 2 years. My experience was better though being with others recovering, a more solid experience, simpler without the distractions with more support.

It's different for everyone. How are you doing today? Have you spoken to him about your desire to leave and get better? Would he be willing to take care of the children if you did ?

Also, check out --- > The Dark Side & Recovery forums below. Others have indeed been in similar situations. It's so very difficult to take care of ourselves. Sometimes that means separating from our loved ones or being okay with getting clean while he is still using. It's not your fault, it's not his - it's an illness and you can get better.

Much love,

Smoky