Alabasster
Greenlighter
Hi All, You can call me Al if you like. I'm pleased, if not too confident, to be here.
I'll try and keep this brief as I tend to waffle on and lose readers I think. My history mainly involves alcohol and Valium although now I am firmly ensconced in opiate territory. I am 43 years old, with pancreatitis (due to a polypharmacy overdose in 2010) and a painful liver condition that does not involve hepatitis. Currently I am on 100mg of methadone syrup for pain after changing from 16mg of suboxone ended up on after my struggles with valium and codiene (alcohol hos been a non-issue since New Year's Eve 2014). As is common amongst those of our ilk I suffer from anxiety and depression.
Last year I finally beat a seven year valium addiction that caused pancreatic necrosis and ultimately diabetes after an overdose involving valium, alcohol and MANY pills. It was not deliberate, it was not a cry for help it was simply a combination of substance abuse, confusion and high anxiety. It changed my life. Whether for the better (no more booze) or not (pancreatitis, pain, diabetes) is up for debates. Now I have a liver that's giving crazy readings (GGT >1500 no joke), pain and stress.
My liver started playing up just as I finally got off all my anti-depressants, anti-psychotic and beta blocking meds that I had latched onto thinking they would help me get off the valium.....maybe they did. But now I am caught in the methadone web and am, basically, scared out of my wits. The problem (I think) is that I never stabilized properly when I started methadone about 3 months ago as I was Tramadol (Ultram) at the time. You see it began with waking up at 7am (early for me) with a jump and a heart rate that kept climbing until I had my methadone dose. This was weeks and weeks ago and I mistakenly thought it was a depressive episode kicking off again seeing as I'd only quit lexapro, remeron, zyprexa and inderal slowly and carefully over the previous months. Today is my first day on a lower dose of remeron and zyprexa after spending the last week waking at 3am soaked through with sweat, anxious and confused. My psych and I agreed the remeron was too high and not helping (I have been building up to 60mg/night over the last 2 months). Anyway we came to the conclusion that my methadone dose was too low.
About 10 days ago my clinic increased my 'done from 90 to 100mg and this gave me reasonable sleep for only 3 days. It has taken a long time to recover a clear enough head to understand I never stabilized on 'done and have suffered needlessly for weeks. You see I am very anxious about increasing my methadone because I know one day I will want to come off it and all I've read is how horrible that process is.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm going for metabolism blood tests (2) to see if my dose is being processed too fast by my liver. Hopefully I'll get some answers and be able to tackle the issue with my clinic. I am wonder a few things though. Would splitting my dose of 100mg solve the problem? (I'm doubtful) Could it really be as simple as increasing my dose until I'm stable for a week or so? How can I make those early hours before I get my dose tolerable because it is the WORST way to wake up? and finally, Won't I just adjust to the higher dose and end up in the same position therefore starting a vicious cycle???
If there is anyone left after my rant, thanks for reading and thanks especially if you were able to offer any advice. I look forward to being a part of this community and I hope my loooong message hasn't been too painful.
I'll try and keep this brief as I tend to waffle on and lose readers I think. My history mainly involves alcohol and Valium although now I am firmly ensconced in opiate territory. I am 43 years old, with pancreatitis (due to a polypharmacy overdose in 2010) and a painful liver condition that does not involve hepatitis. Currently I am on 100mg of methadone syrup for pain after changing from 16mg of suboxone ended up on after my struggles with valium and codiene (alcohol hos been a non-issue since New Year's Eve 2014). As is common amongst those of our ilk I suffer from anxiety and depression.
Last year I finally beat a seven year valium addiction that caused pancreatic necrosis and ultimately diabetes after an overdose involving valium, alcohol and MANY pills. It was not deliberate, it was not a cry for help it was simply a combination of substance abuse, confusion and high anxiety. It changed my life. Whether for the better (no more booze) or not (pancreatitis, pain, diabetes) is up for debates. Now I have a liver that's giving crazy readings (GGT >1500 no joke), pain and stress.
My liver started playing up just as I finally got off all my anti-depressants, anti-psychotic and beta blocking meds that I had latched onto thinking they would help me get off the valium.....maybe they did. But now I am caught in the methadone web and am, basically, scared out of my wits. The problem (I think) is that I never stabilized properly when I started methadone about 3 months ago as I was Tramadol (Ultram) at the time. You see it began with waking up at 7am (early for me) with a jump and a heart rate that kept climbing until I had my methadone dose. This was weeks and weeks ago and I mistakenly thought it was a depressive episode kicking off again seeing as I'd only quit lexapro, remeron, zyprexa and inderal slowly and carefully over the previous months. Today is my first day on a lower dose of remeron and zyprexa after spending the last week waking at 3am soaked through with sweat, anxious and confused. My psych and I agreed the remeron was too high and not helping (I have been building up to 60mg/night over the last 2 months). Anyway we came to the conclusion that my methadone dose was too low.
About 10 days ago my clinic increased my 'done from 90 to 100mg and this gave me reasonable sleep for only 3 days. It has taken a long time to recover a clear enough head to understand I never stabilized on 'done and have suffered needlessly for weeks. You see I am very anxious about increasing my methadone because I know one day I will want to come off it and all I've read is how horrible that process is.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm going for metabolism blood tests (2) to see if my dose is being processed too fast by my liver. Hopefully I'll get some answers and be able to tackle the issue with my clinic. I am wonder a few things though. Would splitting my dose of 100mg solve the problem? (I'm doubtful) Could it really be as simple as increasing my dose until I'm stable for a week or so? How can I make those early hours before I get my dose tolerable because it is the WORST way to wake up? and finally, Won't I just adjust to the higher dose and end up in the same position therefore starting a vicious cycle???
If there is anyone left after my rant, thanks for reading and thanks especially if you were able to offer any advice. I look forward to being a part of this community and I hope my loooong message hasn't been too painful.
Welcome to Bluelight! 
