New member wanting BL feedback on how to heal relationships with kids

[jhess3993]

That is so wonderful to read and has made my day! Well done, and keep it up Do you intend to quit drinking, or is it a happy medium?

Oh and MzDiz doesn't really come by here much any more. She is well though! Just busy doing other things. But she might come on and see this, you never know

I truly hope I quit drinking someday. It's always in the back of my mind. I just keep feeling like my body needs a "reboot," if you will. I am thinking that a bariatric surgery will benefit me in that regard.

 

[jhess3993]

I quit talking with him years ago. And i absolutely love the analogy of a smashed plate. Holy shit. How prescient.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi kiddo. How are you doing three years on? Are you still clean? How are your parents?

hey, i'm doing excellently thanks!! things are much better with my parents. can still be hard with my mum but we've never had a perfect relationship. i've bought a house with my partner and have an awesome job. doing mundane shit like going for runs and trying to make the garden nice. i've never had a garden before so just making it up as i go along!

Oh, thank you so much for your response. I don't hear as much as I would like to from my children, but I have made my peace with that. I saw them both months ago, in December, and hope to be able to see them again this year. We still communicate on occasion. Sometimes my heart aches that I'm not closer with them but I have a comforting peace in my soul that all these wounds will become completely healed eventually. Probably not at any given point in time, but rather over the course of time.... but somehow i know that there will be a complete reconciliation.

that is wonderful. it sounds like you have come to a place of acceptance, but with the optimisim that comes from knowing you truly are doing everything you can.

With regard to chemicals, I've stayed off dope, have not touched it and don't event think about it....things that used to trigger me never do anymore. I still drink too much. 2 or 3 tall boys of malt liquor a day. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's important to be honest. Still, I feel like I've come light years from where I was from.

The downside? I've gained a hundred lbs. Literally, a hundred fucking lbs. I have an appointment this week with my doctor for my usual shit (cholesterol labs etc), at which time I'm gonna bring up a referral to a bariatric surgeon for a lap band. Because being a giant behemoth of a woman sucks.

All that said, I'm in the best relationship of my life, with a completely sober, beautiful, absolutely precious man I met 6 days after I got off that bus. He is completely sober and completely normal, but somehow completely accepts me. ME! With all of my crazy baggage and now all of my weight... If that isn't a miracle, I don't know what is. His stabilizing presence in my life has allowed me to reconnect with my family in Michigan, especially my father, who died 2 years to the day after i got off the bus after fleeing the hell I was in. My partner bought a house two months after I met him, within less than a mile of my father, his wife, and my biological mother. Interestingly, a year after I moved here, my sister moved back here from Vegas, and my brother from Buffalo. The brother didn't get back til after dad died, but my sister did and I know she was a huge blessing to him in those last horrible days if his illness.

i have found myself drinking too much too, not every day right now. its not ideal. i feel kinda embarassed too.

and also gained nearly 100 lbs!! i don't know what i was when i went to rehab but you could see all the ribs down the middle of my chest and 25 inch waist jeans were falling off me. so i needed some of that weight. not all of it though. i've lost about 30 lbs which puts me comfortably in the healthy weight range. i hope it goes well with your dr. bariatric surgery is a huge and frightening step so i hope your dr is supportive and provides you with the psychological help you'd need for that as well as the physical help.

it souds like your life is somehow coming together, with your family and your partner.

so many people drop by here in a difficult place and we never hear again. i always wonder, and often fear the worst, so it is just amazing to have someone come check back in on us with good news.