New Member seeking advice

[ileanni]

I've been lurking around this site for the last year or so, reading other member's posts that relate to my issues. I'm an opiate addict and have been for about 8 years. I'm also addicted to benzos again. I kicked that habit last year after having seizures from running out of xanax and not being able to find any. So I had my doctor put me on Klonopin and then tapper me off that. It worked great for about 6 months. And then i started taking them again everyday. My DOC is usually hydrocodone. Well a year and a half ago me and my husband decided it'd be cheaper to just join a methadone clinic than it would to cover our $300/day habbit on the pills. So we did. That was the worst mistake i ever made. We were on the clinic for 8 months, and here in Texas there's no limit on how many mg you can go up to. So i got up to 110mg/day. Long story short, i ended up quitting that shit cold turkey.. and on top of going thru the wd i had broke my ankle 1 month before i quit and had to have surgery to have a metal plate and 5 screws put on it. But that's a whole other crazy story to be told. So when i kicked the methadone, i was extremely sick for a month straight. i couldn't eat cause i couldn't keep anything down. Well i guess i was sober then for about a month. and then i thought a few pills won't hurt. and then my daily habit returned. So last week, my husband and i got on suboxone. so i haven't taken any pain pills in a week. but i'm still taking bars every night, which i want to get off of as well. i'm taking 1 8mg soboxone film a day. and i feel great. But i'm scarred that isn't enough. I want to get off of everything all together!! Any advice??

 

[maniquan]

Hey ileanni I can totally relate to what your saying. I myself have been a casualty of the clinic before as well and I learned the hard way that it truly is just another addiction albeit much worse than a hydrocodone habit. I would recommend doing some soul searching to see if complete abstinence from drugs is really what you want. If it is, then seriously consider having a medical detox followed by a couple weeks of treatment. I know this all depends on finances and such but this will give you a couple weeks to really dry out in a safe environment. This last time around getting clean I was on 200mg of meth plus about 10mg alprazolam/clonazepam daily so I know how badly benzo/opiate withdrawl sucks but IT CAN BE DONE! PM me any time for advice or just to B.S. GOOD LUCK!

 

[ileanni]

I'm positive that i want to get off of everything.. i want to be able to feel normal without putting some or any kind of opiate into my system. And I want to be able to go to bed at night without taking any kind of benzo. And i don't have the financial means necessary to do a medical detox. I'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids. My husband works 60 hours a week. So i have to be here to take care of the kds. I know it's not gonna be an easy thing. When i detoxed off of methadone, even after the physical symptoms passed, i couldn't deal with the mental state it put me in. I was so depressed. Like extremely depressed. Having dangerous thoughts that i had never had before. It was scary. That's one thing i don't want to have to deal with again. Addiction runs in my blood. both of my parents used to be heroin users before i was born. They've both been on methadone for 20+ years. I have 2 uncles and 2 aunts that are either addicted to methadone or pain pills. 3 cousins that are addicted to either. And my 2 brothers when they aren't in jail are addicted to pills. It's all around me. I've separated myself from a majority of them with the exception of my parents and brothers. But just going to my dad's house and seeing him methadone box laying there just brings that devil up out of me and the wheels start turning in my head. i know this is something i've gonna have to fight with for the rest of my life. I'm just hoping it'll get easier as i go...

 

[maniquan]

Most medical detox facilities (or even hospitals) will take insurance as well as cash so I'm not sure if you have any insurance but it might be worth looking into. Sounds like you really have your hands full (apart from getting the monkey off your back!) what with looking after your kids and all but I've seen other women in your exact position go through this and make it to the other side. If a supervised detox is not possible right now you'll want to taper as much as possible with the methadone and benzo's with the help of your prescribing dr/psych. There is a wealth of good information on OTC meds and other activities that will help immensely with your detox. Phreex had some excellent detox guides so check those out. Just know that your not alone and this is something you can take at your own pace, but once you start never backpeddle, even if you have to maintain on a half-mg of the benzo for the psychological benefit of having it, this is better than giving in to the urge to get high and going all out. If you have time in the day or are able to get a sitter I would suggest going to a meeting or at least reaching out to those in recovery who have some clean time under their belt. I know everyone has their own opinion on NA, AA...and all the various A's lol, but I've found that an atmosphere of recovery oriented individuals does enormous good in keeping my mind on track. Your doing an amazing thing ileanni and feel free to talk anytime about this.