icequeen6669
Greenlighter
Hi, i just registered to bluelight, i have been one here quite a few times doing research here and there, but figured it was time to register, Im 31, female and have been addicted since the age of 13. The only times I have been clean are a few jail terms (short, 6 months, a few months here and there), and during 4 pregnancies, I have battled mental illness my entire life, baker acted 97 times from the age 12 to 17, so much time spent in mental institutions, being perscribed countless meds,( diagnosed Generalized Anxiety, social anxiety, as a child oppositional defiance disorder, which evolves as a adult to Anti social or borderline personality disorder, I have been plagued with servere and debilitating anxiety about people and public places , I have Agoraphobia as well, I have alot of anger and have been violent mainly to myself but to the few people I have in my life, I have 4 kids with the love of my life, but I know i am unable to give my kids the stable life they deserve to they live with the paternal grandmother, we are always in contact and they know i love them, love them enough to put aside my desire to have them with me to give them a life the deserve, and know i put them first, unlike alot of drug addicted parents who insist they can do drugs and be good parents, dragging innocent children thru the hell that drugs are, legal, or not. At 17 i detoxed off all psych meds truly the worst hell i have ever felt, but as a child and teen perscribing psych meds is wrong, messed me up big time, killed my sex drive, and now the drugs they pushed on me at 12 are now with the warning not for anyone under 18. I have been a IV drug user since 13, meth is my drug, have just avoided any kind of life rarely leaving my house, got Disablility for all my mental issues, I use avoidance as my psych treatment, for weeks and months at a time never leaving my front door, and just want to say I am addicted, it will always be me, but if people can quit and have a life without drugs I say Do it, Honesty is key , Lying to yourself or anyone is always regretted.... thank you for allowing me to rant... 
