New member here, in a trifectum of unsureness

[OxyGrip87]

Hi all, ibe been reading threads on BL for the past few years. Ill jump right to the point. Not sure what category this goes in, but feel free to move it where ever. SO a short history from past 4 years. Dad passed away, mother has stage 4 metastatic renal (kidney) cancer, has no kidneys and neverending dialysis now and it just passed to her bones. Depression ended up getting hooked on oxy because it numbs my emotions. Was up to 120mg a day, 60mg IR twice a day, was scared of the withdrawals so i never had the courage to quit. Found a goddamn devil in disquise thinking it would help. Methadone clinic. Thats where i fucked up. Went every day for a year and was up to 80mg liquid methadone a day, said enough was enough. Went down 2, sometimes 3mg a day until i hit 18mg, then cold turkey'd it. I wont even begin to explain how fucking terrible it was, for weeks. Stayed sober for almost a year, relapsed and now im back up to 120mg of oxy a day only this time im actually scared and not sure what to so BECAUSE during the past year i have been using 2 other medications that are actually prescribed. 20mg ER adderall one in AM and up to 4mg of xanax a day. So, daily routine is 1 addy when i wake up, dose oxy, 4 hours later dose oxy again(50 -60mg) then i wait atleast 4 hours and drop 2 to 4mg of xanax spread out over a 2 hour period then top it off with 2 benadryl to help me sleep. Thats been a daily thing for the past year. I ran out of oxy 1 day ago and cant get any until tomorrow. Just took 5g of red bali kratom to see if it helps. But i guess what im getting at is im scared that im on 3 different controlled substances at high doses. Im happy when i have them all and nobody notices im on anything. Just makes me feel normal and happy. I just dont know..... oxy wd sucks shit and benzo ibe heard is worse than methadone. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Random-dude-from-internet]

Welcome!

 

[G_Chem]

Hey man welcome,

Are you scared because if you come clean you fear losing the other two prescriptions? Understandable..

You can quit it all just gotta do one at a time, and I’d start with the oxy or benzo and end with the last being adderall.

-GC