Sameoledope
Greenlighter
Hey everyone, 43 yrs old, US VFW, 1st 5 yrs opiates worked my way to slamming, H, dalauded, fen patches, whatever man, I was in my late 20s, hurt my back, started on fucking loratabs of all things. Lost everything I had, Finally I went to Methadone clinic, 4 years, was back working and making bank, then I got a new job, was worried about the domes and drug tests, fitness for duty shit, so I got me a sub doctor and I moved over to subutex, 6 years, best move I thought I ever made, I moved up in my new company lightening speed, nobody could keep up, I was running the show in 4 years, ran it for 2 years.
I was a single father raising 4 kids, 3 boys, 1 girl and still managed to dominate at work. My energy was endless, I self reduced to 8 mg daily, sold the other half my script to friends in need and lived like a king.
Except I was secretly depressed, lonely as fuck, and so fucking scared to lose my script, I saw my Dr religiously, I was often told I was his favorite patient, never once in 6 years had I Failed a drug test, missed, rescheduled or couldnt pay, Ever.
It all came down so fast, house of cards style, I'm still spinning. But I got my hands on the stick and I'm pulling back with everything I'm worth.
It all started with a woman. From my past with whom I had a short but passionate fling when I was younger. She came into my life randomly, I thought it was a god send, most say she wrecked me, I disagree, I still think she was a godsend. She wrecked me better than anyone has ever loved me.
She took me on a tour of a hell I forgot existed, I thought I seen some shit, fuck man I have seen some shit, I thought I was bad enough for anything, I was so so wrong. But it did do one thing, it made me want to be clean of it all, everything, 1st time since I felt the delicious warmth soak into my muscles and erase from them old and new pains, and whisper in my ear that everything from yesterday was gone and everything tomorrow was gonna be love and joy.
I actually need reality back in my life, it's raw, it's bright, it fucking painful and my body feels like I'm the dead coming back to life, but every goddamn shake of my legs, every muscle spasm, gut cramp, ruined underware cuz i though i had to fart (won't get me again) tremor, nausea induced projectile vomiting scene from excorcist, muther fucker, I don't know why but I am relishing every bit of it because I fucking deserve it all, I am punishing myself for my sins, old and new, I want this experience seared into my brain, I want it to be the 1st thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed, for the rest of my sober life. I will rip the fucking head off any muther fucker who puts something in my face again, (they get one chance, after that it will not be pretty).
Also, FYI I had a powder coke habit for a year, smoked meth for a year or so, and I smoked crack for 3 months, all prior to my opioid dependency and during my spiral I was taking my subs and main lining crystal meth for about 4 months. It cost me my job, my house, my kids, and finally the woman rolled out too. Had a company car, fucking brand new 2016 loaded out SHO Taurus was on the way, fucking furnace orange or something, my black one was 3 yrs old already. Now I'm on foot staying from friend to friend. Detoxing with people who have always been sober is a quick way to wear out ya welcome. Especially when they had no idea you been high 24/7 the last decade and a half, they don't even recognize you, fuck neither do I.
But fellas, I'm a bad mutherfucker, I got skills, better than most, marketable skills, and even with my spiral at my ladt job i left enough queations unanswered that my reputation in the industry is still strong and my will is a beast, I got a plan and I'm coming back and im gonna be harder than ever and maybe a little pay back to a person or two is in order. Oh but not the girl, I love the girl, even still, I can't blame her, I'm a grown ass man who made his own decisions, but snitches, they gotta get stitches, it's the way of things. But me, I'm 1st on the list, allot of punishment, as to not forget, then my carear, my kids, then who know, maybe the woman, cuz guys, holy shit, she is one bad mutherfucker too. Damn.
Every word is truth, I still got a story to tell, my spiral feels like I watched it on tv, so surreal. And if you think I'm exaggerating about the woman, I'm not, baddest muther you ever seen. SS you know who you are girl, I still love ya, I know why you had to roll out. Thanks for that, it got me moving in the right direction.
PSB.
I was a single father raising 4 kids, 3 boys, 1 girl and still managed to dominate at work. My energy was endless, I self reduced to 8 mg daily, sold the other half my script to friends in need and lived like a king.
Except I was secretly depressed, lonely as fuck, and so fucking scared to lose my script, I saw my Dr religiously, I was often told I was his favorite patient, never once in 6 years had I Failed a drug test, missed, rescheduled or couldnt pay, Ever.
It all came down so fast, house of cards style, I'm still spinning. But I got my hands on the stick and I'm pulling back with everything I'm worth.
It all started with a woman. From my past with whom I had a short but passionate fling when I was younger. She came into my life randomly, I thought it was a god send, most say she wrecked me, I disagree, I still think she was a godsend. She wrecked me better than anyone has ever loved me.
She took me on a tour of a hell I forgot existed, I thought I seen some shit, fuck man I have seen some shit, I thought I was bad enough for anything, I was so so wrong. But it did do one thing, it made me want to be clean of it all, everything, 1st time since I felt the delicious warmth soak into my muscles and erase from them old and new pains, and whisper in my ear that everything from yesterday was gone and everything tomorrow was gonna be love and joy.
I actually need reality back in my life, it's raw, it's bright, it fucking painful and my body feels like I'm the dead coming back to life, but every goddamn shake of my legs, every muscle spasm, gut cramp, ruined underware cuz i though i had to fart (won't get me again) tremor, nausea induced projectile vomiting scene from excorcist, muther fucker, I don't know why but I am relishing every bit of it because I fucking deserve it all, I am punishing myself for my sins, old and new, I want this experience seared into my brain, I want it to be the 1st thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed, for the rest of my sober life. I will rip the fucking head off any muther fucker who puts something in my face again, (they get one chance, after that it will not be pretty).
Also, FYI I had a powder coke habit for a year, smoked meth for a year or so, and I smoked crack for 3 months, all prior to my opioid dependency and during my spiral I was taking my subs and main lining crystal meth for about 4 months. It cost me my job, my house, my kids, and finally the woman rolled out too. Had a company car, fucking brand new 2016 loaded out SHO Taurus was on the way, fucking furnace orange or something, my black one was 3 yrs old already. Now I'm on foot staying from friend to friend. Detoxing with people who have always been sober is a quick way to wear out ya welcome. Especially when they had no idea you been high 24/7 the last decade and a half, they don't even recognize you, fuck neither do I.
But fellas, I'm a bad mutherfucker, I got skills, better than most, marketable skills, and even with my spiral at my ladt job i left enough queations unanswered that my reputation in the industry is still strong and my will is a beast, I got a plan and I'm coming back and im gonna be harder than ever and maybe a little pay back to a person or two is in order. Oh but not the girl, I love the girl, even still, I can't blame her, I'm a grown ass man who made his own decisions, but snitches, they gotta get stitches, it's the way of things. But me, I'm 1st on the list, allot of punishment, as to not forget, then my carear, my kids, then who know, maybe the woman, cuz guys, holy shit, she is one bad mutherfucker too. Damn.
Every word is truth, I still got a story to tell, my spiral feels like I watched it on tv, so surreal. And if you think I'm exaggerating about the woman, I'm not, baddest muther you ever seen. SS you know who you are girl, I still love ya, I know why you had to roll out. Thanks for that, it got me moving in the right direction.
PSB.
the struggle is real. I felt awful cause I didn't take care of my girls for those 4 days I had my mom take them to school and they pretty much left me in my room saying mommy is sick she needs her pills. Broke my heart. My employees were a little annoyed thinking I took the week off just for whatever. My husband is supportive but he says I need to taper down and at least get back to my normal doses .