New, have questions.

[Jan108]

Real oxycodone are hard to get in Canada (on the street at least anyways). What we call oxy here is actually fentanyl, that's what he tells me at least. He's shown me the difference between 'good oxy' and 'bad oxy' and the bad oxy are pressed into pills really shitty, and have a different color to them. He snorts them, says it's better that way. I've tried it a few times (for pain) and it really does feel nice and kills pain, but I'm scared to death of drugs like that. I'd sooner just smoke a bowl and chill than take stuff like that. Plus I've seen what he's like without and that scares the hell out of me!

He went on a 2-3 day bender over the weekend. I figured something was up because he wasn't home a whole lot. He came to me last night and gave me a handful of pills and asked me to dole out 3 every morning again, saying he's been doing too much and needs to get back down to his 3 per day. It was payday though, he bought a whack of them so I guess the temptation was too high, but at least he recognized it and gave them to me again so that he doesn't get carried away again. I'm sure the same will happen again next payday but hopefully he'll be able to get his testing done and into a clinic in the next few weeks.

 

[John.fort]

Okay so I'm new to this but I really need a few questions answered... Okay first I'll give some of my background. First off my drug of choice is more, more of anything that will get me high. But I've been able to kick everything but the opiates, the H, and the methadone. I've been using one of those three daily for about nine years. I've been on the methadone monster for 4 of those nine years. This past time at the clinic I was there for a year and a half, and and my highest dose was 140. I began my detox going down ten mgs every week till I got too 30 mgs. I stayed at 30 for two months then went dropped too 20 stayed for a month then went back up to 30, I then went down 3 mgs a day all the way to zero. I honestly didn't feel any wds till I got to like 6 mgs. So after my last dose I went 69 hours with nada then took 2 mgs of suboxone then another two today. Tomorrow I will tak one mg then one the next day, then a half a mg until the rest of the eight mg sub is gone. Will this just prolong my wds or will it make them a little less severe? If it does prolong my wds how long and bad will they be? I've quit the done twice before both times ct, one time at 120 and one time at 60, both times where hell on earth and lasted for at least a month. Since I was so low on my done it shouldn't be that bad should it? I mean at my 69 hour mark with nothing I wasn't like in terrible wds. Someone please tell me what to expect. Btw I'm 24, 6'3'', 177 lbs, active, and very high metabolism.

 

[Mstmil]

I'm not trying to be snotty Jan but is it possible that maybe you are falling for this guy? You can give someone pills to hold for you to make it look like an effort is being made but also have some more in your private stash. Sometimes love is blind. I also could be completely wrong.

 

[nygiants1313]

I am female. He is actually my roommate. I rented out a room in my home to help with some expenses I got hit with unexpectedly and I ended up with him lol

He has not once been late on rent, and has always paid me back, even if it means he goes without and gives me his last dime. I call him my respectable junkie, because he truly is. He told me not long after he moved in that he was an addict. It worried me at first, but as I got to know him, those worries subsided. I trust him completely. We have had many long talks, initiated always by him, about his lifestyle and his desire to quit and get his shit together.

I came home Monday to pack and load up my truck for a work trip and he was home. He gave me a handful of pills to hide thru the house and to text him daily as to where that days pills are. I got home last night and all was good. He did tell me he did score a real oxy (just one) while I was away but it did nothing for him, didn't even get him high he said (see, this is what I mean by I trust him, he is honest and tells me things like this. I don't judge, I don't tell him he disappointed me - because he doesn't, all I tell him is that i'm proud of him for sticking to his rules he's laid out for himself and even though he might slip up or take a couple steps back from time to time, he's still doing better than he was). I was away 4 days and he stuck to his 3 per day, other than that one oxy he scored off a friend and smoking some weed, which whatever, I smoke it too, so I think he did pretty good. He could have ransacked the house looking for his drugs, right?

We had a chat last night and he said that he doesn't think 3 are going to cut it. He told me he's going to bump it up to 4 per day because he can't make it thru the work day on what he's rationed himself to (he takes one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one before bed so he can sleep). I told him it seems like he's trying to justify taking more, but never having been an addict myself, I can't pretend to understand. As long as he is trying to control it until he can get to the clinic, then that's all that matters. It shows me he does have a real desire to take his life back. As it stands now, he can't get into a clinic until mid to end January at the earliest and they told him to just keep doing what he needs to do to hold on until he can get in. This rationing of his pills was entirely his idea, and the fact that he gives me his drugs to try and keep him on on the track he's put himself on tells me he's really wanting to do this.

Admittedly, I don't know him all that well, I've only known him for like 6 months, but we connected right off the bat, like we've been best buddies for years. He always tells me that I'm the only person he can be honest with and talk about anything with, he's told me I'm his best friend, that he'd be lost without me, etc. It's not just drugs we talk about either, we talk about his on/off prima donna girlfriend, his batshit crazy mother, abuse he suffered as a child, all kinds of things. I realize that may be the addiction talking, but it's not just words with him, his actions back up the things he says too. I was honestly excited to see him after being away 4 days last night and he was just like a puppy when he got home, all excited that I was back lol

As for the money, if I have it, and he needs it, I will help him out where I can. If I don't have it, I wont, and there have been times where I didn't have it and he's ok with it, he finds other ways. He's always paid me back when he said he would and after seeing what he was like without, I wouldn't let anyone go thru that, especially knowing they're serious about getting help and just going thru the motions until they can get the help they need. He also knows not to take advantage though. I told him if he fucks me over just once, I'm done. He's been nothing but honest with me from day one about a lot of things so I need to respect him for that. As long as we can keep things real, then it's all good. He's done things for me too, so it's not all one sided. He is a good guy, he just needs someone in his corner I think, just to know he's got some support and someone who really does care for him as a person, not just for his money, drugs or whatever else.

I'm sorry but I just had to laugh at this. If I wanted to manipulate someone very easily and wanted to get high i'd tell them EXACTLY the same thing "hey so and so i'm so sorry but I wanted to confess. I caved in and scored 1 pill but I swear only 1 and it didn't even do anything to me whatsoever but I wanted to be straight up with you " meanwhile i was high as fuck but you are so easy to fool especially if they had feelings for me

not saying your roommate did this, and i admire your courage in fighting this battle alongside him. you are an amazing individual and hes lucky to have you

just some food for thought though from someone who has lived the life and is/was an honest junkie = no such thing!!

 

[Jan108]

Lol yup, you guys are totally on the ball here. Yeah, there are feelings there, how can there not be? we live together, we've fooled around some, but it is what it is. he does his own thing, I do mine. He's got an on/off again gf that he's trying to get away from (and I know he's not lying on this one because he's shown me the texts and I've heard him talk to her on the phone, she's batshit crazy). Me, I'm not interested in a relationship. I've had so many bad ones that I just prefer to do my own thing, when I want and with who I want.

He ended up going to detox last week. Lasted 3 days and signed himself out. Was making coffee Saturday morning and he came downstairs, shocked the shit out of me, had no idea he was even home. He looked like hell, he's not a drinker, but hit a bottle of rum up pretty good. We spent most of the weekend in bed watching movies because he was so sick. I ended up taking him out to get more pills, he got 2. Took one and almost instantly felt and looked better. During that weekend we spent laying around watching tv, we did a lot of talking and you guys were right. He was getting more, he was also hitting up the coke and H, which explained the odd night when he didn't come home (again, we're not 'together', he can do his own thing, just as I do mine, so I never questioned it, not my right to). He told me he poked on occasion, that he didn't tell me before because he didn't want me to think any differently of him. I just told him I was shocked, I knew he was into a lot of things, but needles never crossed my mind. Yup, I am a bit naive I guess. I don't think of him differently, I know he's got problems. I know he's a junkie and I don't know why I was so surprised when he told me he poked, I should have known. It's not often he says but he does do it. He showed me his arms and they looked fine (I've had friends who's arms have just been ruined by needles so I kinda know what to look for?).

He's been out of detox since Saturday and he's only had 1 pill each day since, and I can say this with certainty because I've been with him the whole time, I drove him to get more and once he gets out of his dealers car, he jumps into my truck and gives them to me, still wrapped. Plus I can hear him in his room when he's cutting up pills. He went back to work today, will he get more? Probably but at the end of the day, it's not my job to police his drug use, I'm not his mommy. If he wants to get clean like he says he does, then he needs to do it on his own. I can help him where I can, I can be his sounding board when he needs to talk, whatever but the onus is on him to be honest with himself.

I do believe he's honest though. Maybe not about his drug use. He gave me the 2 pills he scored the other day and told me to put one away. I told him what's the point if he's just going to go out and get more? Told him that he needed to practice some self control and quit lying to himself and to me that he's just sticking to what he's limited himself to per day. I told him there were a few nights when he came home and I knew he was wasted (and I did), but I didn't say anything because it's not my business. I'm not here to nag him.

There have been times when he's been so broke and couldn't get any and was hitting up friends for cash and drugs. I have cash in my room, in my drawer where I keep my weed (and he knows it's there), I have all kinds of things he could easily take and pawn, if he wanted to rip me off, he could in a heartbeat. This man won't go into my room without asking me. He left his meds in my room and texted me yesterday asking if he could go in and grab his meds. If he's out of weed, he asks if he could get some out of my room, then he'll text me a pic showing me how big of a joint he rolled just so I know (I've never asked him, weed in my house is communal as far as I'm concerned. If I'm out, I smoke his, if he's out, he smokes mine, I have no issue with it but he always wants to make sure I know how much he's taken for some reason, the money in my drawer has never been touched, nor has the expensive jewelry I have in there). He will take something out of the pantry and leave me a note saying he's taken a can of soup or a chocolate bar or whatever. Totally unnecessary but this is just what he does. And it's not one sided. I've gone out with my friends and have gotten just shitfaced and he'll text me asking if I need a ride home, and will drive across town to come get me, then take me back in the morning to get my truck, he's done lots for me too, it's not like I'm giving and not getting anything back.

He knows if he steals from me just once, he's out. I had another guy who lived with us and my camera from my security system caught him stealing weed out of a drawer in the kitchen. I had him on tape 3x before we finally confronted him. He admitted it and asked me to give him another chance. I told him absolutely not. If I let someone live in my house, I expect to be able to trust them and expect them to be respectful of things that are not theirs, especially if he's not contributing to the pot - pun intended, and he had no business helping himself. He never ever bought his own, he just blazed with us when we did. I told him he was to start packing. He was out by the end of the week. I will not tolerate any thieving in my house.

I trust him 100% in my house. With his drug use, maybe not quite 100% but I do know he's trying. I also know that he's going to slip up at some point too, and that's ok as long as he keeps trying. I know you guys are probably rolling your eyes at me but he's never given me a reason not to trust him. Time will tell but so far he's been doing pretty good. He's been home with me every night, where usually he'll take off for a few hours to do his thing which usually involves coming home wasted. I'm a firm believer that everyone needs someone in their corner, especially when they're not at their best. He has nobody here, his gf is a nasty twat that he can't talk to at all, so where does that leave him? I've been at rock bottom before and thankfully I had people to help me when I needed it the most so I guess I'm kind of paying it forward. Am I stupid for trusting him? Maybe so, but I think everyone deserves a chance, that could be a world of difference to someone who just needs someone to believe in them.

 

[DuckieMan]

To be honest he is most likely getting 2 packs of pills each time he picks up, I've done the same thing with family before. Say I am giving them the extras when in reality i had given them just a few and had 30-40 I hid.
As for shooting up, I did for 3-4 years, I could show you a picture of when I was and you'd never know i was an iv drug user. If he was really ready to get clean he woulda stayed in detox. And not trying to depress you at all, but next time he is needing you to help him coo don't, he has to feel what detox is and what a nightmare it is to make him realize its time.

 

[nygiants1313]

To be honest he is most likely getting 2 packs of pills each time he picks up, I've done the same thing with family before. Say I am giving them the extras when in reality i had given them just a few and had 30-40 I hid.
As for shooting up, I did for 3-4 years, I could show you a picture of when I was and you'd never know i was an iv drug user. If he was really ready to get clean he woulda stayed in detox. And not trying to depress you at all, but next time he is needing you to help him coo don't, he has to feel what detox is and what a nightmare it is to make him realize its time.

lol came in to say this.

no doubt hes telling the dealer before hand he needs 2 different packs, and hes sliding one into his sock while handing you over the other one

I know we are kind of bashing the whole hes honest thing because he does this and this and this, but really we are just showing you as addicts exactly what we do to look like we are being honest, but addiction is really hardcore and most likely hes taking more then you know. Like the reason he hasn't gone out as much in the last few days is because he had more money saved up after those 3 days in detox and picked up a nice amount with the money that was saved when he got out therefore not having to leave as much right now because he stocked up while looking good in your eyes. (run on sentence much?? haha)

I guess this is more of a blog type thing of living with an addict now.

seeing you have your security in your place, I guess my only advice would be DO NOT get into a relationship with this dude lol

good luck

 

[Jan108]

He knows what detox is. This isn't his first rodeo. He left because of the center. I know a few people who have gone in that center and have left after only a couple days. It doesn't have a good track record. I also work for the government ministry that oversees shelters and we deal with this particular center quite a bit due to the fact it's a no fee treatment center and works with homeless shelters and the patient feedback we get back is not the greatest in most cases.

Like I said, I'm not his mother, I'm not snooping around trying to catch him lying, doing more drugs than he claims, none of that. I really don't give a shit what he takes, as long as it doesn't affect me or my life, and I've told him that. I never once offered to help him. He came to me asking me for help with his drugs, to ration them for him. If he felt he wasn't getting enough and had to sneak around to get more, then that's his deal, not mine. If he wants to lie, then he can live with that but from the day he told me he was an addict, I told him I don't give a shit, just don't lie to me (about things that REALLY matter) or steal from me and honestly, so far we've not had any issues. What he does is his business. I rarely ask him about things but we talk all the time and he tells me stuff, and once our conversations get to that point where he's telling me stuff, then I'll ask, but mostly just out of curiosity, I've never once held anything he's said over his head. He chose to go to detox on his own and I definitely know when he's high as he can't keep his eyes open longer than a few minutes and constantly nods off. He's not been like that since he got back from detox. He seems a bit depressed and quiet, but definitely not high like he usually is.

As for money, sorry, nope, he definitely doesn't have a big stash of money put away lol He makes really good money, but most if it goes to drugs, or drug related debt. I've given him money here and there, gave him some for smokes this morning, but he always pays me back when he says he will. He currently does not have his ipad, snowboard or the stereo out of his car and who knows what else, it's all been pawned and he's running out of time to get it back and is stressing as he doesn't want to lose it all. Trust me when I say he has no money. He's also been off work for over 2 weeks now, partly due to the weather and partly due to checking into detox, no work = no money.

I'm just an ear when he needs one, and honestly, unless you know a person, spend time with them, you guys can say all you want but I get to experience it all firsthand and I can honestly say I've never hand any issues with him. I think the worst issue I have with him is listening to him pace around all night when his RLS kicks in, and if that's the worst I have to deal with, then I'm ok with that. I trust him 110% in my home. I know you all say there's no such thing as an honest junkie, but I believe there is. My little brother was a thief, and while not quite a junkie, he was getting there fast. He'd rip anyone off he could and he did, but he never, ever took anything from anyone he respected, including his family and closest friends. He lived with me for awhile when he was still alive (when he was at his worst) and nothing ever went missing from my house. Bash all you want, but I live with the guy, and yeah, while he may be a junkie, he's never given me any reason not to trust him. I leave my purse out all the time, jewelry, my house is filled with stuff that could easily be pawned and I'd not notice right away, etc... and have never had an issue. He's helped me out with stuff when I've not had the cash too and then ends up pawning his shit because he's given me money for something we need in the house, repairs, or whatever.

If it turns out you guys are right, I will be the first one here eating crow and saying yep, y'all were right. As it stands now though, I completely trust him because he's not given me reason not to. I guess time will tell. Will see what he's like when he gets paid again and if he goes back to his old routines or not.

 

[DuckieMan]

He knows what detox is. This isn't his first rodeo. He left because of the center. I know a few people who have gone in that center and have left after only a couple days. It doesn't have a good track record. I also work for the government ministry that oversees shelters and we deal with this particular center quite a bit due to the fact it's a no fee treatment center and works with homeless shelters and the patient feedback we get back is not the greatest in most cases.

Like I said, I'm not his mother, I'm not snooping around trying to catch him lying, doing more drugs than he claims, none of that. I really don't give a shit what he takes, as long as it doesn't affect me or my life, and I've told him that. I never once offered to help him. He came to me asking me for help with his drugs, to ration them for him. If he felt he wasn't getting enough and had to sneak around to get more, then that's his deal, not mine. If he wants to lie, then he can live with that but from the day he told me he was an addict, I told him I don't give a shit, just don't lie to me (about things that REALLY matter) or steal from me and honestly, so far we've not had any issues. What he does is his business. I rarely ask him about things but we talk all the time and he tells me stuff, and once our conversations get to that point where he's telling me stuff, then I'll ask, but mostly just out of curiosity, I've never once held anything he's said over his head. He chose to go to detox on his own and I definitely know when he's high as he can't keep his eyes open longer than a few minutes and constantly nods off. He's not been like that since he got back from detox. He seems a bit depressed and quiet, but definitely not high like he usually is.

As for money, sorry, nope, he definitely doesn't have a big stash of money put away lol He makes really good money, but most if it goes to drugs, or drug related debt. I've given him money here and there, gave him some for smokes this morning, but he always pays me back when he says he will. He currently does not have his ipad, snowboard or the stereo out of his car and who knows what else, it's all been pawned and he's running out of time to get it back and is stressing as he doesn't want to lose it all. Trust me when I say he has no money. He's also been off work for over 2 weeks now, partly due to the weather and partly due to checking into detox, no work = no money.

I'm just an ear when he needs one, and honestly, unless you know a person, spend time with them, you guys can say all you want but I get to experience it all firsthand and I can honestly say I've never hand any issues with him. I think the worst issue I have with him is listening to him pace around all night when his RLS kicks in, and if that's the worst I have to deal with, then I'm ok with that. I trust him 110% in my home. I know you all say there's no such thing as an honest junkie, but I believe there is. My little brother was a thief, and while not quite a junkie, he was getting there fast. He'd rip anyone off he could and he did, but he never, ever took anything from anyone he respected, including his family and closest friends. He lived with me for awhile when he was still alive (when he was at his worst) and nothing ever went missing from my house. Bash all you want, but I live with the guy, and yeah, while he may be a junkie, he's never given me any reason not to trust him. I leave my purse out all the time, jewelry, my house is filled with stuff that could easily be pawned and I'd not notice right away, etc... and have never had an issue. He's helped me out with stuff when I've not had the cash too and then ends up pawning his shit because he's given me money for something we need in the house, repairs, or whatever.

If it turns out you guys are right, I will be the first one here eating crow and saying yep, y'all were right. As it stands now though, I completely trust him because he's not given me reason not to. I guess time will tell. Will see what he's like when he gets paid again and if he goes back to his old routines or not.

Were just trying to warn you, I never stole from family or friends. I always made sure I had a roof over my head, just trying to let you know that any loaning of money to this man whether he pays you back or not is enabling him. Also trying to steer you clear of feelings for him as its bad news for the both of you.

I am betting if you asked him to let you control his money to help himtaper off that his answer would be hell to the fuck no. To me seems like he's not ready for sobriety. He tells you just enough to get your compassion and I'm sure that's all, most junkies given the chance will take the cheapest.option to get high. And once you inject that usually becomes the only roa unless your putting on a show. I could show you pictures of all injection locations on my body and you'd never guess i was injecting for years, and looking at me in public you'd never even think twice that I was a user of every hard drug made. Deception is what were second best at, first is always finding a way to score. And again this is just advice to help the both of you, you are enabling him. Don't buy him cigs or give this man money let him suffer for him to fully realize, does he have a car or do you drive him where he has to go?

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

talk to him about getting on suboxone, or the vivitrol shot. suboxone and vivitrol are way batter than methadone in actually trying to get clean. in case you don't kno, vivitrol is a shot you get once a onto that completely blocks any opiate high for 30 days. there is absolutely no way of beating the shit, you can shoot 20 bags a dope after getting vivitorl and not feel a dam thing.

you are making his trying to get clean WAAAAAY too easy, if i had that luxury he has id be dead. no way he's going to stop using this way just no way in hell sorry… just my 2cents..

 

[Jan108]

I really do appreciate the warnings, truly, and believe me, I've been careful. I've had the money in the past when he's asked to borrow some and I've lied to him telling him I had none, probably just as many times as I've given him money, if not more. I'm not a rich person, which is why I rented a room in my house to begin with. When I tell him I don't have it, he's fine with it and thanks me anyways. I honestly can't support his habit. If I give him $100, that's not even enough for a day, given the pills are $25 a pop and he was snorting 10+ per day. But you know, anytime he's known I've needed money and didn't have it, he gives it to me, it's not a one sided thing here, he helps me out too if I fall short on a bill or something.

He has actually talked to me about his poor money management skills and has asked me if he gave me money out of every pay for me to put away for him if I was comfortable doing it. His suggestion, not mine. I've told him if that's what he wants to do, then yes, I can keep his money for him if that's what he wanted. He just needs to get back to work, which he went back today and get some money happening again, then we'll see what he does with it. And yes, he has his own car. I only drove him on the weekend to get some because he was so sick and hadn't slept in the 3 days he was in detox. I did not want him to drive as we've had a lot of snow and I didn't want him to get into an accident given how tired and sick he was. Very rarely do I drive him anywhere, unless we're going somewhere together, and even then, half the time we go in his car.

I know I'm enabling him. He knows it too. When he got out of detox he told me that he didn't want to try and do it at home, because he knew if I saw how sick he got, I'd give him money for drugs so he wouldn't be that sick, and he was right, last time he tried this at home, I gave him money because I couldn't stand to see him so sick. He said he didn't want me to see what he was going thru (the vomiting, the shits, mood swings, whatever else), especially so close after Christmas, knowing I was broke that I would give him whatever I could to help him out so that was one of the reasons he chose to go to detox. He is on a waiting list for a methadone clinic. I know there are waiting lists here because I called myself (long story as to why I called) and my best friends ex is in and out of detox all the time, and each time he needs to go back to a clinic, there's a waiting list. He needs to go get some heart test done and labwork and he's to call the clinic once a week to see if they have any openings. He's gone to a couple doctors and he needs to get into the program first and then see what he can take. We're in Canada so I don't know what other options we have here. I know we have 5-6 methadone clinics in my city and I know he takes other meds that were prescribed when he originally went to the doc to get a referral to the clinic. I know they put him on gabepentin (??) and something else that started with an S, seraquil or something? He's got other meds he takes but I honestly don't know what they are. I will write down the names of the two drugs you mentioned and look into them.

You can say no way he's going to stop using but you know what? He went to the doc's all on his own, came clean with the doc about the addiction, called the methadone clinics himself, he's done a lot of legwork to try and get help, when he found out the wait list for the methadone clinic could be up to 2 months, that's when he decided to try detox. To me that doesn't seem like someone pulling a scam on me, to me that says he's trying and wants to stop. He tells me all the time that he wants his life back, that this oxy/fentanyl he's taking is the devil, that it steals your soul and he wants to beat it. He's been showing me pictures of himself as little as a year ago and saying he has to stop, just due to what he looks like now compared to what he looked like a year ago, he's lost a ton of weight. I believe he's really trying and I know he got really discouraged when he was in detox because they weren't helping him, they were giving him the drugs he's on now (the gabepentin or however it's spelled). He's had one pill a day since he got home on Saturday (and again, I know this because I was with him 24/7 and I know for a fact he doesn't have cash stashed away) and he seems to be doing ok. The first pill he took on Saturday, he struggled with it, he didn't want to do it but he felt so rotten. I just told him to do what he needed to do. He ended up doing it in the evening and then waited till Sunday evening to take his next one and last night, he didn't take it until about 7 pm. He said he's not getting high off them, but it's just enough to take the pain away (medical conditions, this is what got him on this road) and let him function somewhat normally. Again, he can do whatever he wants, he can snort 5 at once for all I care, but his actions and what I've seen him do are telling me he's really trying to get himself clean.