padlolt90
Greenlighter
Hello everyone,
I am new to this "bluelight" site, and not sure how it really works. I suppose I will introduce myself and explain what i hope to achieve from this whole thing.
I am 24, turning 25 on the 26th this month. I live in northern Minnesota and I am addicted to Crystal Meth. I first tried meth when i was 14 years old, with a senior in high school. I only did it that one time. When i was a 15 and a sophomore in high school i started dating someone who was prescribed adderall. I didn't even know what it was or anything about it. But, after a few months of us dating i tried it and i was hooked. I was worth him for 9 years and during that time i abused his medication. At first he didn't mind sharing but as time went on he noticed i was taking alot and realized i had a problem so he stopped giving me any. That only caused me to hide and steal it from him. Late 2012, i did meth for the 2nd time ever. I went on a binge for about a week. It became a huge problem for me and i checked myself into rehab in February of 2013. However, i left after 4 days. I stayed doing outpatient therapy for a couple months afterwards and was clean off meth for over a year and half. But, i still was using adderall. In August 2014, i relapsed again, this is when i split up with my boyfriend of almost 9 years and the last time i took adderall. From August 2014-June 2015 i heavily used meth.
In the beginning of June this year, i quit using. I lasted about a month but relapsed. I only used one time.
I quit again, and went another month. I relapsed again in a little over a week ago. This last relapse was the hardest to overcome and i just stopped using a few days ago.
I'm really struggling this time and I'm not sure why that is. I know that I'm much happier living a sober life and it took me awhile but i finally found myself again. The person that i had lost throughout my years of addiction. Even though i want to be clean and don't want to use anymore, i keep relapsing around the same time in my recovery.
Anyways,
Not sure if this is what i was supposed to do or say in my introduction but I'll leave it at that.
I am new to this "bluelight" site, and not sure how it really works. I suppose I will introduce myself and explain what i hope to achieve from this whole thing.
I am 24, turning 25 on the 26th this month. I live in northern Minnesota and I am addicted to Crystal Meth. I first tried meth when i was 14 years old, with a senior in high school. I only did it that one time. When i was a 15 and a sophomore in high school i started dating someone who was prescribed adderall. I didn't even know what it was or anything about it. But, after a few months of us dating i tried it and i was hooked. I was worth him for 9 years and during that time i abused his medication. At first he didn't mind sharing but as time went on he noticed i was taking alot and realized i had a problem so he stopped giving me any. That only caused me to hide and steal it from him. Late 2012, i did meth for the 2nd time ever. I went on a binge for about a week. It became a huge problem for me and i checked myself into rehab in February of 2013. However, i left after 4 days. I stayed doing outpatient therapy for a couple months afterwards and was clean off meth for over a year and half. But, i still was using adderall. In August 2014, i relapsed again, this is when i split up with my boyfriend of almost 9 years and the last time i took adderall. From August 2014-June 2015 i heavily used meth.
In the beginning of June this year, i quit using. I lasted about a month but relapsed. I only used one time.
I quit again, and went another month. I relapsed again in a little over a week ago. This last relapse was the hardest to overcome and i just stopped using a few days ago.
I'm really struggling this time and I'm not sure why that is. I know that I'm much happier living a sober life and it took me awhile but i finally found myself again. The person that i had lost throughout my years of addiction. Even though i want to be clean and don't want to use anymore, i keep relapsing around the same time in my recovery.
Anyways,
Not sure if this is what i was supposed to do or say in my introduction but I'll leave it at that.
I commend your desire to better yourself and change your life. Amphetamines can be a very cruel mistress. I've battled them myself for quite a number of years. The physical side of amph withdrawal isn't the worst, other than the lethargy, its the mental and emotional strain that usually causes the relapse. You've done great so far, a lot of people aren't as strong as you are. You just need to remember that people love and care about you, and even tho your an addict, that your a good person. Have you given any thought to outpatient counseling or NA/AA? Everyone is different and what works for some, might not work for others. You just need to find what works for you. If possible, get a good support structure of people that care about you and never be afraid to ask for help or lean on a shoulder. 