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New GF uses; but I've been "clean" for 5 months.

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,256
Location
Looking-Glass Land
so, I've been away from dope/opiates for 5 months; been using bupe and it has helped and then some.

I left my old girl because she was just driving me nuts and although she helped out so much, she drove me nuts (she was a nurse, never a user; always against me using).

anyway, I havent been dating or anything because I know I need to focus on sober, blah blah, but at work the other day a girl came in and got a tattoo and we hit it off. well, now it's been 3 weeks. we smoked weed together (I still smoke) and she mentioned how she's prescribed the same type of anti-depressant I am, also klonopin for anxiety and uses coke every few weeks w/ her aunt just cuz they like it.

well, she tells me all this because I told her straight how I was an ex junkie and she wanted to be upfront; but at the same time, it kinda worries me. although, coke was never my thing and she even had it tonight and I didnt go near it. weed, yea both smoke alot but I'd be smoking w/ or w/o her. also, 2 of her cousins are ex dope fiends and have been clean for over a year, so now I have them in my life to a degree as well.

not sure if this all good or all bad? anyone?

the girl is ME but in a WOMANS body; its nuts. luckily, she wasnt a dope fiend like me.. but everything else is spot on. killer personality, killer tattoos covered, killer jokes/funny/talkative, etc. but she does coke; which isnt the end of the world but it does worry me in certain ways. she asked before picking up if I was OK w/ it and said no prob, cuz its really not for me.. but does anyone else have this? or find it weird? or problematic?

I feel fine, no worries, no nothing.. but I wanna check w/ my Bluelight peeps; they know!

help me out, peeps.
 
You told her "no prob" that she could use and it didn't bother you, but clearly its bothering you to a degree if your coming here to make a post. I would tell her that your trying to stay away from it. I don't know what level of self-control she has but there's a pretty good chance she's doing it more often than advertised. The worst possible scenario is if you get hooked on this girl then she starts blowing down coke in front of you all the time, and you find yourself in a difficult situation. If she's a worthy girlfriend, you should be able to talk with her about it. If she starts showing signs of getting careless with it and you see her use goes up, you need to bring it up immediately and remind her that your against it. If it gets too out of hand, you will have to make a hard decision to stay with her or not.
 
well, it truly doesnt bother me because by now means is she what I would call a USER; like I once was. I am coming here asking for advice; if others think the same as me; if others think differently, if so, then what do you think? would you think the same? nothing of it? never in a million years?

like you said, it worries me how OFTEN she shares this w/ her "aunt". girl went out and bought 2 8ths. it's not like that is nothing. its a decent pickup for a Friday night to sit around a house; I barley say her do shit and she acted fine/normal and I dont THINK she'd put me in that situation; and to be honest, even if she did, coke would be last thing I'd even try/want to do. but youre right, ill just be more open to her. I told her how dope controlled my life, took my money, friends, family, everything. dope was my everyday life and all that mattered. she knows.

lets have a talk and ill have to update tomorrow, ha.
 
It may not seem like a big deal now. But you do have an addictive personality given your past. Even tho it seems like a drug your not interested in now, if your around it and exposed to it from time to time you might eventually give in and then you will probably want to use it more. This may seem unlikely but more often than not, when 1 person in the relationship is a "user", it will eventually effect you whether you end up getting hooked yourself or it will put a massive strain on your relationship. Now you're wondering if she is considered a "user"? well, in my eyes, if your going to a dealer, getting a couple eights, and blowing it down from time to time. I would consider that a user, even if its not happening on a daily basis. Maybe if she was only using it when she ran into it at a party or something, I would say that's more of a recreational thing. When you have a dealer sitting on stand by, it's pretty easy to hit him up whenever you feel like it. Not saying she's doing it a whole bunch, but if she is, you will probably find out sooner than later. I would just figure out how your going to respond to her in that situation and be firm with her. If you let it fly, it will continue. And it may continue no matter what, which is what would make it hardest for you. Hopefully this doesn't happen but I'm predicating my response off worst case scenario.
 
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I was having a similar conversation over the holidays about a friend who purported uses cocaine *every so often* Thing is, we figured since this person makes a hefty salary yet always seems to be scrounging that usage may be downplayed. Not saying that's gonna be the case with this girl but when a person admits to be a "casual user" it's often a sign of more than occasional use. Don't take offense, coming from a junkie this crosses my mind.
* (sinus infections/constant cold) look for the obvious signs of abuse besides frequent using in front of you
 
Without knowing you personally, my only advice can be to stay clear... It's asking for trouble.
 
tough. the other night we picked up together and I met the kid she grabs from; he also had weed on him and showed us some good bud but neither of us cared. well, we went back to her aunts and I guess her and her aunt do it together but I saw NOTHING done in front of me.

she introduced me to her cousin who also had an opiate problem; was a bit younger girl, I think 24 or so, and has been clean 6 months now (no bupe, no nothing, so good for her). her family knows/knew about my past because I am upfront w/ it because it seems to help me out also, so there was minor talk about bad times, etc and both are thankful. but weird the DAUGHTER had that addiction but the mom is doing "sneaky" coke w/ my GF/girl/whatever? I didnt even ask if she did any because I didnt see shit and she seemed fine, so whatever.

girl is still cool as shit but thats just a quick story from last night. today we didnt chill and she was just out w/ her friends. who knows.

so far, so good. shes VERY much like me, as I said before. but being a lot like me might NOT be a good thing; although, I know I am a good dude who fell to addiction, so hopefully shes the same and addiction is NOT an issue. we'll see how it plays out from here.

anyone else go out w/ someone who uses/or USES the drug you are getting off? or drugs in general as u try and stay sober?
 
two addicts just doesnt work in a committed relationship, it turns into a nasty cycle of co-dependency and a false sense of love, in other words ur best druggie buddy/friend/lover/sex mate...my experience...when i was clean, she was RXed Adderall, i couldnt help but sneak in her purse and take 1...
 
@ BostonBrown, Damn it's hard because I know you like her a lot. Cocaine can be a motherfucker, but for others not so bad. I mean she's only snorting it right? And with the daughter/mother situation, discretion is a good thing because she probably doesn't wish to see others watching her get high?
 
It's definitely a bad idea. The whole point of suboxone maintenance is for you to change all the areas in your life that involved drugs, otherwise it's basically like living the life of an addict but with using an opioid prescribed to you by a doctor instead of having to hustle up the money for your fix each day. If you are still using other drugs and associating and even dating people that still use then you are setting yourself up for failure if/when you get off of the suboxone.

I find one of the negative aspects of suboxone maintenance to be that you don't feel the need to make these changes since you are content with the feeling you get from suboxone which makes you crave other opiates less, and so if you think it'll be the same when you get off the subs you will likely end up right back to where you were before getting on subs. That's the 'false sense of security' that I've said that subs made me feel, since you can get away with a lot more on subs without relapsing than you can when you are 100% clean.

I'm going to move this to the recovery support section since BDD is for dosage questions and basic questions one has about a drug or drugs they are going to take, and RS is for questions about life after using.

BDD --> Sober Living

Mods, feel free to move to TDS if that's a better fit.
 
T. Calderone said:
@ BostonBrown, Damn it's hard because I know you like her a lot. Cocaine can be a motherfucker, but for others not so bad. I mean she's only snorting it right? And with the daughter/mother situation, discretion is a good thing because she probably doesn't wish to see others watching her get high?
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dude, I like this a lot. legit it might not be a bad thing. there are those who are able to use here and there. im just far from being one of those people w/ a certain drug.
 
konanwarrior said:
You said her and her aunt picked up 2 8ths? Thats a lot there mate, 3.5 grams each! How often did this last her?
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does seems like a lot. i never asked but ill bring it up next time i see her just to see what she says. when i used i could rip an 8 ball in 2 days no prob. so depends if she uses in a rush or a few just to get through the day lines.
 
all still well and going. no drug use aside from a few bowls of weed. we'll see. things are still steady and no drug talk aside from script meds we are prescribed.
 
so far, so good. she's not an EVERY DAY TYPE GIRL that I am seeing, which makes things easier. also, she has a lot of her own personal problems w herself, her family, etc, so I can understand where she's coming from.

I have no worries about using; I am really happy w/ the life sobriety has led me to thus far, so by now means am I going to use. I understand there are many slip ups, but I am lucky enough to not even have the connects, peeps, etc, I once had.
 
Ive read this thread through, and you seem like you know who you are and what you want (dont want) so I say stick with this girl. Its not like she does it in front of you, or offers, or anything like that. From what you say all the using goes on with the aunt behnd the scenes. Also you seem quite fond of this lady ;) so good luck!
 
This is rough because from what you said you cant tell when shes using, so it will be fairly easy for her to hide. I also find it odd that shes ok with using infront of you when youre not using. I mean, snorting coke is a pretty social drug and I would feel uncomfortable around my s.o. using when im not. In fact, if shes just a casual user as she claims, why in her right mind would she want to use with you around and not save itfor a night without you, just her and her aunt.

It just seems like strange behavior. Like t.cal said, a lot of people who say they are casual users use that as a cover.
 
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