The last entry in here is from right after my first semester of college. Now I'm done with college. Graduated Magna Cum Laude and also got to spend a semester abroad at Oxford University, UK. Too bad Bachelor's degrees are useless.
My last post on Bluelight is from almost a year ago. It's a trip report about methylone, which I had tried for the first time 2 weeks before my report. Now I've done it about 25 times. I prefer it to "molly" now because of its consistency. I stopped doing rolls a while ago and was only doing molly, but now molly is such a well-known term that it's often cut to shit just like rolls. Methylone (or M1 as everyone around here calls it), on the other hand, has been consistent. I've gotten it through 4 different people and it's always the same.
Regardless, I went overboard this summer. My two rules about drugs were always 1. never use MDMA or similar substances more than once a month and 2. only take psychedelics if the setting is right and it's been planned out. Made a lot of bad decisions this summer, mostly due to a girl who's no longer in my life. It's different than the summer of 2006 though, because I'm not 16 anymore and should've been doing more productive things. I also don't regret the summer of 06 and am happy I have those memories with the people that were involved. I don't have awesome memories of this summer. When I was 16, I knew nothing about what I was doing to my body but didn't care and had a blast. I found bluelight shortly after that and have been reading this site for 6 years now and have become quite knowledgeable about drugs. Bluelight changed the way I use, basically I became smarter about it. This summer it's like I threw all that out the window and lived like I was 16 again. But this time, it wasn't fun except when I was actually on drugs. Because I knew what was happening and I knew I wanted to stop doing it. But when the opportunity for some cheap thrills arose, it was too good to pass up. It's so easy to do drugs. You just take a little chemical and it forces you to feel fucking awesome. As rational as I could be about it when I was thinking about it objectively, that rational thought made no difference when a guaranteed good time was right in front of me. And she really liked drugs, and I really liked spending time with her. I can't deny that was a big part of it.
Things have been calmer. I've been trying to be healthy. Because honestly, it feels great when you're living healthy. It's not like drugs, where you feel fantastic some of the time and neutral or even crappy the rest of the time. Just feelin good all the time. I broke out of the cycle in September. I replaced drugs and my drug friends with hiking. I'd hike all the time, all over Massachusetts, almost always alone. Then I bought a mountain bike and started biking trails which is awesome. But recently it's been getting cold and it seems every day I don't have work, it's raining. So now I can't do that as often, but when I do finally get the opportunity, it's always awesome. Since I can't be outside all the time anymore, I've been eating huge breakfasts every morning and started a new work out schedule. Been feeling pretty good about that for sure. It's the one thing I can control right now. I've been looking for jobs, really anything at all, while still working part time and living at home. It sucks because I've applied to so many places but no luck, so I've been feeling kinda shitty about that. But there's not much I can really do about it, while I can control working out and eating.
And I still indulge on occasion. But it's back to how it used to be. I've been using recreationally for years and for the majority of that time, it's been nothing but positivity. It's just sometimes you fall off the horse. But that's no reason to stop riding entirely, just gotta make sure you don't fall off again. Or something.
My last post on Bluelight is from almost a year ago. It's a trip report about methylone, which I had tried for the first time 2 weeks before my report. Now I've done it about 25 times. I prefer it to "molly" now because of its consistency. I stopped doing rolls a while ago and was only doing molly, but now molly is such a well-known term that it's often cut to shit just like rolls. Methylone (or M1 as everyone around here calls it), on the other hand, has been consistent. I've gotten it through 4 different people and it's always the same.
Regardless, I went overboard this summer. My two rules about drugs were always 1. never use MDMA or similar substances more than once a month and 2. only take psychedelics if the setting is right and it's been planned out. Made a lot of bad decisions this summer, mostly due to a girl who's no longer in my life. It's different than the summer of 2006 though, because I'm not 16 anymore and should've been doing more productive things. I also don't regret the summer of 06 and am happy I have those memories with the people that were involved. I don't have awesome memories of this summer. When I was 16, I knew nothing about what I was doing to my body but didn't care and had a blast. I found bluelight shortly after that and have been reading this site for 6 years now and have become quite knowledgeable about drugs. Bluelight changed the way I use, basically I became smarter about it. This summer it's like I threw all that out the window and lived like I was 16 again. But this time, it wasn't fun except when I was actually on drugs. Because I knew what was happening and I knew I wanted to stop doing it. But when the opportunity for some cheap thrills arose, it was too good to pass up. It's so easy to do drugs. You just take a little chemical and it forces you to feel fucking awesome. As rational as I could be about it when I was thinking about it objectively, that rational thought made no difference when a guaranteed good time was right in front of me. And she really liked drugs, and I really liked spending time with her. I can't deny that was a big part of it.
Things have been calmer. I've been trying to be healthy. Because honestly, it feels great when you're living healthy. It's not like drugs, where you feel fantastic some of the time and neutral or even crappy the rest of the time. Just feelin good all the time. I broke out of the cycle in September. I replaced drugs and my drug friends with hiking. I'd hike all the time, all over Massachusetts, almost always alone. Then I bought a mountain bike and started biking trails which is awesome. But recently it's been getting cold and it seems every day I don't have work, it's raining. So now I can't do that as often, but when I do finally get the opportunity, it's always awesome. Since I can't be outside all the time anymore, I've been eating huge breakfasts every morning and started a new work out schedule. Been feeling pretty good about that for sure. It's the one thing I can control right now. I've been looking for jobs, really anything at all, while still working part time and living at home. It sucks because I've applied to so many places but no luck, so I've been feeling kinda shitty about that. But there's not much I can really do about it, while I can control working out and eating.
And I still indulge on occasion. But it's back to how it used to be. I've been using recreationally for years and for the majority of that time, it's been nothing but positivity. It's just sometimes you fall off the horse. But that's no reason to stop riding entirely, just gotta make sure you don't fall off again. Or something.