Hi, folks:
I'm not a serious heroin Junkie yet, but I'm on the way there (I'm quite dependent on it) and I need it to stop NOW. I'm a middle-aged woman whose life fell apart when my best friend became seriously ill and we lost everything trying to get him medical care.
It all started 2.5 years ago when my [very ill] best friend decided to kill himself, asked for my help, and swore me to secrecy. I had to walk around for six months, keeping my secret, and it was eating me alive. I live in a very, very bad place (it's a residence for homeless vets; nearly everyone here is a male criminal and drug addict. I'm a white female and until recently, wasn't a drug user).
A neighbor watching me walking around bordering on tears for months became concerned, and offered me some heroin to snort. Unfortunately for me, not only did I love it, but I was suddenly able to function. (I'm normally paralyzed by depression and don't bother to get out of bed.) But there I was, getting out of bed, doing laundry, running errands, and enjoying my hobbies!
He did this once a week for six months until my best friend died. Then he went to two and sometimes three times a week. I didn't know how to obtain the stuff on my own, so I was grateful for his generosity.
Christmas day, I figured out where the biggest dealer in the building was, so I went to him and bought a bag. It was so easy to do, I did it every day. In the middle of this month, after working my way up to two bags a day, I ran out of money. Unlike my neighbors, I wasn't gonna start breaking into rooms to steal things, or mugging people on the street. It had to stop.
Luckily for me, I once participated in a drug study for depression, and the medication had some Suboxone in it. I'd stockpiled some of it, and took it to stay with my dad out of state and detox myself. The first three days were miserable, the fourth was okay, and on the fifth, I had to go to the ER because I thought I was gonna die. I was given several IVs and some Ativan, and felt better and was sent home.
As as soon as I got home from visiting my dad, I tried to finish the bag and a half I had left, dammit. I had no effect. That's a good thing.
Today is day nine, and I hafta constantly and violently keep stretching because my muscles feel "weird." There isn't a good word to describe it. I think constantly about stopping taking the study drug and going to buy more dope.
I live in NYC and I understand that there are places that can help me, but I don't know how to find out. I don't know whether Suboxone or Methadone (or something else?) is appropriate for me, but I don't wanna be a drug addict. There are women who come to my building to give blowjobs in exchange for drugs, and I'm terrified that could happen to me. I really, really need a pointer to someone who can help me TOMORROW. I live in Spanish Harlem (10035), and I soooo don't wanna be a junkie.
I don't do groups. I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna walk in somewhere, have my options laid out, and select one. I'd be ever so grateful if someone could tell me zactly where to go for some short-term treatment to make it so that I can stop thinking about doing dope again while I try to get out of this dangerous shithole I live in. Please; I'm desperate. An address of some place that can help me would help me enormously.
I'm on Medicaid, if that's important.
Thanks so very much for some addresses.
I'm not a serious heroin Junkie yet, but I'm on the way there (I'm quite dependent on it) and I need it to stop NOW. I'm a middle-aged woman whose life fell apart when my best friend became seriously ill and we lost everything trying to get him medical care.
It all started 2.5 years ago when my [very ill] best friend decided to kill himself, asked for my help, and swore me to secrecy. I had to walk around for six months, keeping my secret, and it was eating me alive. I live in a very, very bad place (it's a residence for homeless vets; nearly everyone here is a male criminal and drug addict. I'm a white female and until recently, wasn't a drug user).
A neighbor watching me walking around bordering on tears for months became concerned, and offered me some heroin to snort. Unfortunately for me, not only did I love it, but I was suddenly able to function. (I'm normally paralyzed by depression and don't bother to get out of bed.) But there I was, getting out of bed, doing laundry, running errands, and enjoying my hobbies!
He did this once a week for six months until my best friend died. Then he went to two and sometimes three times a week. I didn't know how to obtain the stuff on my own, so I was grateful for his generosity.
Christmas day, I figured out where the biggest dealer in the building was, so I went to him and bought a bag. It was so easy to do, I did it every day. In the middle of this month, after working my way up to two bags a day, I ran out of money. Unlike my neighbors, I wasn't gonna start breaking into rooms to steal things, or mugging people on the street. It had to stop.
Luckily for me, I once participated in a drug study for depression, and the medication had some Suboxone in it. I'd stockpiled some of it, and took it to stay with my dad out of state and detox myself. The first three days were miserable, the fourth was okay, and on the fifth, I had to go to the ER because I thought I was gonna die. I was given several IVs and some Ativan, and felt better and was sent home.
As as soon as I got home from visiting my dad, I tried to finish the bag and a half I had left, dammit. I had no effect. That's a good thing.
Today is day nine, and I hafta constantly and violently keep stretching because my muscles feel "weird." There isn't a good word to describe it. I think constantly about stopping taking the study drug and going to buy more dope.
I live in NYC and I understand that there are places that can help me, but I don't know how to find out. I don't know whether Suboxone or Methadone (or something else?) is appropriate for me, but I don't wanna be a drug addict. There are women who come to my building to give blowjobs in exchange for drugs, and I'm terrified that could happen to me. I really, really need a pointer to someone who can help me TOMORROW. I live in Spanish Harlem (10035), and I soooo don't wanna be a junkie.
I don't do groups. I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna walk in somewhere, have my options laid out, and select one. I'd be ever so grateful if someone could tell me zactly where to go for some short-term treatment to make it so that I can stop thinking about doing dope again while I try to get out of this dangerous shithole I live in. Please; I'm desperate. An address of some place that can help me would help me enormously.
I'm on Medicaid, if that's important.
Thanks so very much for some addresses.
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