themagnificentrunt
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2016
- Messages
- 3
Warning this is going to be long.
Obviously as I'm here I have a problem one that has gotten a bit out of control and to be honest I'm just want to use this place to vent about how it all started, how it all got out of hand, and how it's all ending now and maybe speak to someone who's been through the same stuff at some point. You can call me Runt it's a nickname I picked up some time back and it has stuck with me a long time so feel free to refer to me as that. I'm currently on day 5 of recovering from a Fentanyl addiction that had its height seen me consuming a Gram every 2 weeks for about 2 months straight but my entire battle with opiate addiction has been going on since 2012 before the birth of my first son. It all started innocently enough with Tramadol that was prescribed by my family doctor for lower back pain that I was dealing with. With the stress of becoming a father, buying a house and starting a new job the tramadol let me feel like my old self and it felt good. However I made it through my entire childhood and 20s without ever doing drugs so I thought I could contain this monster. I started doing them just on the weekends then just on days I knew were gonna be a pita at the office or watching the kiddo, then every other day, then everyday. Before I knew it they weren't doing it for me I could no longer get the "feel good" effect from them. Luckily I had a source for something strong from a member of my family who had them and didn't use all of there's in a given month. They cared deeply for it so a little story about "my poor back" and out flowed the hydrocodone out of their medicine cabinet of which they had 100s. However I caught myself and decided to kicked it after I read how bad the withdrawal can be but I was already 1.5 years on the tramadol and nearly a month on the Norco so here came the ass kicking and boy was it a wake up call. I quit cold turkey and made it through and after about a month things returned to normal so to speak and I felt like my old self. I spent about 3 months off anything and then one day I tweaked my back pretty hard at work and remembered I had a refill on the tramadol and the whole prcoess started anew. That was sometime in 2014 and since that's been the longest time off of anything. I have a couple of 2 week and 1 month quits with withdrawals that just didn't hold because I didn't identify that it was the stress leading me to the cravings.
At the beginning of this year I had quit and I was doing good I had made a commitment and was nearly 3 weeks clean when the worst thing that could happen happened, my father died. Being that I was the only person that could take care of all of the legal things as well as care for my elderly mother and figure everything out I ran to the one thing I knew I could count on me to get me threw with it all. However my supply had dried up one of my reasons for quitting but I'm a resourceful person or at least I think so i turned to the dark net to get my fix. Now I make good money but feeding a pill habit from street dealers or dark net was not something I was interested in but Fentanyl in a spray bottle that I could make at home was cheap and effective and was just the ticket. I researched and researched who the best was to order from and found a guy that had a good rep and let my first try and drug buying rip. Being a man with a family and a good job it was nerve wracking thinking about getting caught but this guy was legit and you'd never know what he was sending wasn't 100% legal product without drug testing it and his packaging gave nobody a reason to. I got what I needed and I buried my grieve under a ton of opiates and beared down and got done what needed to get done. However my tolerance grew leaps and bound till the point where a 50MG bottle wouldn't last me a day and move up to 100MG bottle. At my height I was making 250MG bottles that would last me just around 3-5 days depending on what I was doing and such. As such my pocket book was taking a huge hit I drained 5K out of my account and looking back on it that's the dumbest thing I've done other than putting myself into this position of addiction in the first place.
So I came up with a plan to get off this I still had a small source for Oxycodone and Tramadol so I hit them up for whatever they might have to slowly lower my self down. I had tried cold turkey once time on fentanyl and it's the only time in my 30+ years on this planet I thought about killing myself so I knew that wasn't an option. I got about 50 10MG percs and 90 tramadol and started to use less and less fentanyl every day leading up to the run out point. It's also worth mentioning I closed all my accts for getting bit coins and access to the dark market so I couldn't just easily get more. So any way I tapers as best as I could the last couple days of fentanyl I mixed a 100MG bottle and a 50MG bottle and used them sparingly this got me threw about 4 days before I was cold out and I started on the percs. However I found that them alone won't enough to hold it back well enough so I stacked 4-8 Tramadol at the same time and was dosing just enough to where I could feel the dull ache in my legs and back knowing that a light case of my withdrawal had sat in. This past Monday at 6PM started 0 hour when I took my last dose of percs and tramadol which was 4/9 thought about splitting it but decided to just get it over with. When I woke up the next morning more withdrawal symptoms had set in running nose, stomach problems, and some shivers but they were tolerable WAAAAAAAY more so than last time. However there was an unexpected consequence all the grief that I had buried rose to the surface and was becoming a problem to deal with. I went to work anyway but work every 10 seconds something came up that would just make me start to fall apart there was no way I was getting through this. To this point NO ONE not my wife, mother, friends, brothers, nobody knew about my problem. Only my father knew and I felt I owed him to him to quit, but I know I needed to tell someone before shit really hit the fan. Being that my employer is also one of my best friends I chose to tell him and it was the best choice. He understood completely having gone through detox for opiates from a back surgery once. He knew exactly what I was going through and told me to take as much time off as I needed. A weight had lifted I felt but I still had to tell my wife, I was worried but headed home and tearfully told her the whole thing and she also supported me 100%. I'm lucky that I have great people around me to support me and give a flying F about me something I thought I was lacking but just wasn't looking.
Anyway I'm not out of the woods yet I know I've got a long way to go but I feel like it's gonna be different this time. People know so I have checks and balances, I've identified the stressors that were leading to the usage, and I've identified that I"m not alone in this struggle which I thing is the biggest thing. Any like Hi and stuff nice to meet all of you.
- Runt
Obviously as I'm here I have a problem one that has gotten a bit out of control and to be honest I'm just want to use this place to vent about how it all started, how it all got out of hand, and how it's all ending now and maybe speak to someone who's been through the same stuff at some point. You can call me Runt it's a nickname I picked up some time back and it has stuck with me a long time so feel free to refer to me as that. I'm currently on day 5 of recovering from a Fentanyl addiction that had its height seen me consuming a Gram every 2 weeks for about 2 months straight but my entire battle with opiate addiction has been going on since 2012 before the birth of my first son. It all started innocently enough with Tramadol that was prescribed by my family doctor for lower back pain that I was dealing with. With the stress of becoming a father, buying a house and starting a new job the tramadol let me feel like my old self and it felt good. However I made it through my entire childhood and 20s without ever doing drugs so I thought I could contain this monster. I started doing them just on the weekends then just on days I knew were gonna be a pita at the office or watching the kiddo, then every other day, then everyday. Before I knew it they weren't doing it for me I could no longer get the "feel good" effect from them. Luckily I had a source for something strong from a member of my family who had them and didn't use all of there's in a given month. They cared deeply for it so a little story about "my poor back" and out flowed the hydrocodone out of their medicine cabinet of which they had 100s. However I caught myself and decided to kicked it after I read how bad the withdrawal can be but I was already 1.5 years on the tramadol and nearly a month on the Norco so here came the ass kicking and boy was it a wake up call. I quit cold turkey and made it through and after about a month things returned to normal so to speak and I felt like my old self. I spent about 3 months off anything and then one day I tweaked my back pretty hard at work and remembered I had a refill on the tramadol and the whole prcoess started anew. That was sometime in 2014 and since that's been the longest time off of anything. I have a couple of 2 week and 1 month quits with withdrawals that just didn't hold because I didn't identify that it was the stress leading me to the cravings.
At the beginning of this year I had quit and I was doing good I had made a commitment and was nearly 3 weeks clean when the worst thing that could happen happened, my father died. Being that I was the only person that could take care of all of the legal things as well as care for my elderly mother and figure everything out I ran to the one thing I knew I could count on me to get me threw with it all. However my supply had dried up one of my reasons for quitting but I'm a resourceful person or at least I think so i turned to the dark net to get my fix. Now I make good money but feeding a pill habit from street dealers or dark net was not something I was interested in but Fentanyl in a spray bottle that I could make at home was cheap and effective and was just the ticket. I researched and researched who the best was to order from and found a guy that had a good rep and let my first try and drug buying rip. Being a man with a family and a good job it was nerve wracking thinking about getting caught but this guy was legit and you'd never know what he was sending wasn't 100% legal product without drug testing it and his packaging gave nobody a reason to. I got what I needed and I buried my grieve under a ton of opiates and beared down and got done what needed to get done. However my tolerance grew leaps and bound till the point where a 50MG bottle wouldn't last me a day and move up to 100MG bottle. At my height I was making 250MG bottles that would last me just around 3-5 days depending on what I was doing and such. As such my pocket book was taking a huge hit I drained 5K out of my account and looking back on it that's the dumbest thing I've done other than putting myself into this position of addiction in the first place.
So I came up with a plan to get off this I still had a small source for Oxycodone and Tramadol so I hit them up for whatever they might have to slowly lower my self down. I had tried cold turkey once time on fentanyl and it's the only time in my 30+ years on this planet I thought about killing myself so I knew that wasn't an option. I got about 50 10MG percs and 90 tramadol and started to use less and less fentanyl every day leading up to the run out point. It's also worth mentioning I closed all my accts for getting bit coins and access to the dark market so I couldn't just easily get more. So any way I tapers as best as I could the last couple days of fentanyl I mixed a 100MG bottle and a 50MG bottle and used them sparingly this got me threw about 4 days before I was cold out and I started on the percs. However I found that them alone won't enough to hold it back well enough so I stacked 4-8 Tramadol at the same time and was dosing just enough to where I could feel the dull ache in my legs and back knowing that a light case of my withdrawal had sat in. This past Monday at 6PM started 0 hour when I took my last dose of percs and tramadol which was 4/9 thought about splitting it but decided to just get it over with. When I woke up the next morning more withdrawal symptoms had set in running nose, stomach problems, and some shivers but they were tolerable WAAAAAAAY more so than last time. However there was an unexpected consequence all the grief that I had buried rose to the surface and was becoming a problem to deal with. I went to work anyway but work every 10 seconds something came up that would just make me start to fall apart there was no way I was getting through this. To this point NO ONE not my wife, mother, friends, brothers, nobody knew about my problem. Only my father knew and I felt I owed him to him to quit, but I know I needed to tell someone before shit really hit the fan. Being that my employer is also one of my best friends I chose to tell him and it was the best choice. He understood completely having gone through detox for opiates from a back surgery once. He knew exactly what I was going through and told me to take as much time off as I needed. A weight had lifted I felt but I still had to tell my wife, I was worried but headed home and tearfully told her the whole thing and she also supported me 100%. I'm lucky that I have great people around me to support me and give a flying F about me something I thought I was lacking but just wasn't looking.
Anyway I'm not out of the woods yet I know I've got a long way to go but I feel like it's gonna be different this time. People know so I have checks and balances, I've identified the stressors that were leading to the usage, and I've identified that I"m not alone in this struggle which I thing is the biggest thing. Any like Hi and stuff nice to meet all of you.
- Runt
