Not the right time
Something that rings in my ears over and over,
"Its just not the right time for us." No it never is. There is something in the way.
You work overseas and are never home, plus you don't love me anymore.
or
I've lost it. Can't control it. Can you blame me? And you can't even support me... you're gone, you have to be. And when you are back I won't exist in your mind anymore.
Its always the same story. I fucked up. Its me thats the problem. I'm just too fucked up for you to handle.
All I want is someone to love me, more than family. More than that. To tell me they love me for who and what I am. No look down on me for imperfections. To hold me close when I cry. And to have all the happy pictures posted on the Internet of us together and a dog maybe. Looking like we couldn't be happier.
Its not going to happen for me. They are ok with the outside, but when they see the tattered soul that remains of abuse and heartbreak and rejection, they run.
They can't take the tears and all the fears.
I'm going to die alone...
My mind is racing and not even medication can bring me down. Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I do ANYTHING right?
The person I want closest I push away, I just can't stop it. Hold me, be there. But life is too busy for currently employed nutcases like me.
This mornings felt, I'll check in, now, I feel I'll check out.
Why till after the holidays? Because when I was a Jehovah's Witness, my mom said that me not being a part of Christmas was worst that the pain of divorcing my father.
I'm a mess and should sleep but can't. The world sleeps and rests cuddled together at peace, and I sit there a write a blog that few if any read and cry...
Wanna trade?
Something that rings in my ears over and over,
"Its just not the right time for us." No it never is. There is something in the way.
You work overseas and are never home, plus you don't love me anymore.
or
I've lost it. Can't control it. Can you blame me? And you can't even support me... you're gone, you have to be. And when you are back I won't exist in your mind anymore.
Its always the same story. I fucked up. Its me thats the problem. I'm just too fucked up for you to handle.
All I want is someone to love me, more than family. More than that. To tell me they love me for who and what I am. No look down on me for imperfections. To hold me close when I cry. And to have all the happy pictures posted on the Internet of us together and a dog maybe. Looking like we couldn't be happier.
Its not going to happen for me. They are ok with the outside, but when they see the tattered soul that remains of abuse and heartbreak and rejection, they run.
They can't take the tears and all the fears.
I'm going to die alone...
My mind is racing and not even medication can bring me down. Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I do ANYTHING right?
The person I want closest I push away, I just can't stop it. Hold me, be there. But life is too busy for currently employed nutcases like me.
This mornings felt, I'll check in, now, I feel I'll check out.
Why till after the holidays? Because when I was a Jehovah's Witness, my mom said that me not being a part of Christmas was worst that the pain of divorcing my father.
I'm a mess and should sleep but can't. The world sleeps and rests cuddled together at peace, and I sit there a write a blog that few if any read and cry...
Wanna trade?