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Recovery Neurological damage, medication intolerance and dark thoughts

Negentropic said:
@DeathIndustrial88 Yeah man I already know if I continue to press doctors about this and try to find answers that is going to be one hell of a headache. From my early experience so far... none of them are listening to me already and brushing it off. Sorry you have this bullshit too.

Do you still have sound sensitivity? It sounds a lot like what I had, it seems to come and go in waves but is always there in some fashion. Sometimes if I forget to turn my phone down the sound is so loud it almost feels like im about to have a seizure (and thus anxiety). It's nuts.

I wouldn't worry too much about the ashwagandha tea, I was taking pretty big doses like 1200-2000mg of the standardized extract.
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Have sometimes strong audio sensitivity.never took ashwaganda
 
Negentropic said:
@DeathIndustrial88 Yeah man I already know if I continue to press doctors about this and try to find answers that is going to be one hell of a headache. From my early experience so far... none of them are listening to me already and brushing it off. Sorry you have this bullshit too.

Do you still have sound sensitivity? It sounds a lot like what I had, it seems to come and go in waves but is always there in some fashion. Sometimes if I forget to turn my phone down the sound is so loud it almost feels like im about to have a seizure (and thus anxiety). It's nuts.

I wouldn't worry too much about the ashwagandha tea, I was taking pretty big doses like 1200-2000mg of the standardized extract.
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Does ashwagandha have some kind of effect in higher doses and what would you compare it to?

I actually don't get those sound sensitivity episodes too often anymore. I'd say in the last year I've had it maybe once.
But I've had other crazy things happen to me in the past year.

Back in May I had what felt like "stroke-like" symptoms. It started with tingling in the back of my head that slowly spread to the left side of my head and down into my jaw.
My brain also felt weird. It felt like I could feel that my brain was split in two halves, working independently rather than in unison. My vision felt like it was almost crooked & that I was two halves of a body stuck together asymmetrically. (it's hard to describe because it was so subjective). It lasted about a week and then I woke up and it was gone.

If I had had a stroke though, I would think they would have seen that on the CT scan a few months later that I did for my body jerks. So I dunno what it was.

Then in December I had an episode where I suddenly felt like I couldn't move my legs & had to go sit down. It literally felt like something was sucking the soul out of my body (no joke). I thought I was dying. It was almost like I was having a high dose DXM flashback or something (I wonder if this is a thing) Of course feeling this way also caused me to have a panic attack. So I had to take a clonazepam and it went away within about an hour gradually.

And then just a week or two ago, I woke up and had a constricting pain in the center of my chest. My breathing was fine & I wasn't coughing or sick. This pain lasted 12hrs and I thought I needed to go to the ER. But I waited it out til the next morning and it was just gone.

So I have no idea wtf has been going on with me. On a lighter note, my body jerks seem to have really decreased in frequency in the past 5 months or so.

but I was put on an antipsychotic in October and it caused me to have eyelid twitching in my right eye which began to twitch every day and has been twitching every day up until now in March.
And this was only after taking it twice and then I stopped, because I also lost my ability to drive while on it.



Honestly, either I am schizophrenic or maybe we have been mass poisoned or something strange has happened to us. Especially if we're being told by all these doctors that we're fine or just nut cases. I don't get it. I don't hear voices or see things & these pains, uncontrollable body movements and strange brain sensations are as real as the sunshine to me and I have no idea wtf is causing it all. I also had constant headaches too when the sound sensitivity stuff started.

I thought this was just some weird thing I was going through alone.

My thoughts were maybe that it was some how seizure related or some weird form of migraines or just something simple, but after like 5 years, I still haven't gotten any answers.

Can't wait for the next strange episode! /s
 
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@DeathIndustrial88 I don't know what exactly happened with the ashwagandha. I was taking too much of it for too long. Then increased my dose again, until I hit some critical level, started making me agitated, hallucinations and these weird rushes of physical sensation. Then once I quit taking it the brain zaps started.

Then all of the problems started and developed further after that.

I think small doses in tea are probably ok

A lot of online shit says it's supposed to be cycled and not taken every day for a long time, 2 weeks max. I took it for 2 months daily with no issues, then all of a sudden one day I had major issues out of nowhere.
 
Negentropic said:
@DeathIndustrial88 I don't know what exactly happened with the ashwagandha. I was taking too much of it for too long. Then increased my dose again, until I hit some critical level, started making me agitated, hallucinations and these weird rushes of physical sensation. Then once I quit taking it the brain zaps started.

Then all of the problems started and developed further after that.

I think small doses in tea are probably ok

A lot of online shit says it's supposed to be cycled and not taken every day for a long time, 2 weeks max. I took it for 2 months daily with no issues, then all of a sudden one day I had major issues out of nowhere.
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Wow. This is good to know! I will watch my intake of it then.

I figured it was just another mildly sedative herb type thing and that there'd be no harm in drinking it, but there could be.

My problems started after heavy DXM, heroin, vodka & meth usage. So maybe I fucked up something in my neuro-chemical processes, I have no idea.
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
Does ashwagandha have some kind of effect in higher doses and what would you compare it to?

I actually don't get those sound sensitivity episodes too often anymore. I'd say in the last year I've had it maybe once.
But I've had other crazy things happen to me in the past year.

Back in May I had what felt like "stroke-like" symptoms. It started with tingling in the back of my head that slowly spread to the left side of my head and down into my jaw.
My brain also felt weird. It felt like I could feel that my brain was split in two halves, working independently rather than in unison. My vision felt like it was almost crooked & that I was two halves of a body stuck together asymmetrically. (it's hard to describe because it was so subjective). It lasted about a week and then I woke up and it was gone.

If I had had a stroke though, I would think they would have seen that on the CT scan a few months later that I did for my body jerks. So I dunno what it was.

Then in December I had an episode where I suddenly felt like I couldn't move my legs & had to go sit down. It literally felt like something was sucking the soul out of my body (no joke). I thought I was dying. It was almost like I was having a high dose DXM flashback or something (I wonder if this is a thing) Of course feeling this way also caused me to have a panic attack. So I had to take a clonazepam and it went away within about an hour gradually.

And then just a week or two ago, I woke up and had a constricting pain in the center of my chest. My breathing was fine & I wasn't coughing or sick. This pain lasted 12hrs and I thought I needed to go to the ER. But I waited it out til the next morning and it was just gone.

So I have no idea wtf has been going on with me. On a lighter note, my body jerks seem to have really decreased in frequency in the past 5 months or so.

but I was put on an antipsychotic in October and it caused me to have eyelid twitching in my right eye which began to twitch every day and has been twitching every day up until now in March.
And this was only after taking it twice and then I stopped, because I also lost my ability to drive while on it.



Honestly, either I am schizophrenic or maybe we have been mass poisoned or something strange has happened to us. Especially if we're being told by all these doctors that we're fine or just nut cases. I don't get it. I don't hear voices or see things & these pains, uncontrollable body movements and strange brain sensations are as real as the sunshine to me and I have no idea wtf is causing it all. I also had constant headaches too when the sound sensitivity stuff started.

I thought this was just some weird thing I was going through alone.

My thoughts were maybe that it was some how seizure related or some weird form of migraines or just something simple, but after like 5 years, I still haven't gotten any answers.

Can't wait for the next strange episode! /s
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yeah man, I think we have fucked up serotonin systems just based on what we took that caused it and the symptoms, I originally fucked up my serotonin with the psychedelics 4 years ago which is what triggered the schizo symptoms, but that seemed to heal over time, these are new symptoms

serotonin seems to control so many damn things in the brain including body movements and sound sensitivity (I've been googling every fucking paper on serotonin in the last few weeks)

I was certainly schizophrenic in the past, voices and visual hallucinations and all that jazz, but mostly recovered after 2 years. I still call myself schizo because I do have various symptoms these days, but they are quite mild. I hear incessant music playing in my head which is annoying as FUCK, but I get used to it.

I feel like once you tell the doctors what caused it they just go "oh, drugs... he's fucked, go home" and leave it at that. Sad.

I also have had this unending dull headache since this all started. Nothing helps that.

and holy fucking shit my tinnitus is worse than ever now, that's also hard to deal with at night

Don't want to be all doom and gloomy, it upsets me and gives me anxiety. But fuck man, it's hard not to, especially when doctors are so dull about it.
 
Negentropic said:
yeah man, I think we have fucked up serotonin systems just based on what we took that caused it and the symptoms, I originally fucked up my serotonin with the psychedelics 4 years ago which is what triggered the schizo symptoms, but that seemed to heal over time, these are new symptoms

serotonin seems to control so many damn things in the brain including body movements and sound sensitivity (I've been googling every fucking paper on serotonin in the last few weeks)

I was certainly schizophrenic in the past, voices and visual hallucinations and all that jazz, but mostly recovered after 2 years. I still call myself schizo because I do have various symptoms these days, but they are quite mild. I hear incessant music playing in my head which is annoying as FUCK, but I get used to it.

I feel like once you tell the doctors what caused it they just go "oh, drugs... he's fucked, go home" and leave it at that. Sad.

I also have had this unending dull headache since this all started. Nothing helps that.

and holy fucking shit my tinnitus is worse than ever now, that's also hard to deal with at night

Don't want to be all doom and gloomy, it upsets me and gives me anxiety. But fuck man, it's hard not to, especially when doctors are so dull about it.
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I've often thought it was a serotonin thing as well because of the specific drugs I was combining at the time.

If I have any hope to offer, is that what happened to you was recently right? Well my sound sensitivity & seizure-like shit lasted a good 4 years. But it has died down and I've learned to live with having some body jerks here or there. But these new episodes and recurring issues are frightening & I have no idea if they're related or not.

I actually have had a headache right now for 2 days straight. Just a dull vague one that sits there. It will go into the background some times but then become prominent again and really sharp.

When I'm not having headaches, I some times get sharp tinges of pains that zap on the sides of my head once in awhile. Like a bloodclot just popped or something. lol


I put my body & brain through hell all through my 30's. I even gave myself rhabdomyolysis a few years ago. I treated myself at home cause I didn't wanna go to a hospital. But all bloodwork claims my kidneys are fine. lol

I'm wondering if my lifespan has been greatly shortened and doctors either just don't care or they know and just are telling me. lol

I like when they tell me it's all anxiety too. I asked one nurse once if it was normal for some one my age to have myoclonic jerks. And she said no and that I probably damaged something in my brain. But the doctor didn't seem to care. He actually put me on xanax and sent me on my way. lol And then I saw a neurologist and he told me it was probably just anxiety and they kept trying to push a script of lorazepam on me even though I told them that I was already on clonazepam. lol
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
, is that what happened to you was recently right?
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yeah, this all started about 2 months ago

DeathIndustrial88 said:
I like when they tell me it's all anxiety too. I asked one nurse once if it was normal for some one my age to have myoclonic jerks. And she said no and that I probably damaged something in my brain. But the doctor didn't seem to care. He actually put me on xanax and sent me on my way. lol And then I saw a neurologist and he told me it was probably just anxiety and they kept trying to push a script of lorazepam on me even though I told them that I was already on clonazepam. lol
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man I would kill for some fucking benzos man, it would make life a little bit bearable, also having chronic insomnia

my doctors tell me its anxiety but then don't give me any benzos at all and tell me to fuck off >_<

normally I'd just drink my problems away, but can't do that it makes it worse right now, so I've been hoofing all this sober and it's torture
 
Negentropic said:
yeah, this all started about 2 months ago


man I would kill for some fucking benzos man, it would make life a little bit bearable, also having chronic insomnia

my doctors tell me its anxiety but then don't give me any benzos at all and tell me to fuck off >_<

normally I'd just drink my problems away, but can't do that it makes it worse right now, so I've been hoofing all this sober and it's torture
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It sounds like you could use some benzos! They decrease neurotransmitter activity and can help smooth these freaky loud sound sensitivity episodes and what not.

That pisses me off that they don't give people benzos who need them.


I'm in a situation myself where I might have to part with a doctor of mine who gives me all my meds and has for 5 years, because I might have to move to another state. And my biggest fear is moving and then being cut off and given shitty crap like SSRI's, etc.. that I've taken millions of times and have never helped.

I understand your frustration. I would have to go back to drinking too if I lost all my meds. And then my life would really crumble.

Very large pots of brewed chamomile has been shown to have some benzo activity. It's always worth a shot until you can find a good doctor. Don't expect miracles from it, but it could help in the midst of a weird mental attack and also aide in sleep.

The smell of chamomile reminds me of a time in my early 20's. I was walking around late at night with my dog and then partner. It was so peaceful and serene (I might have been high on tramadol) but I just felt so good and so alive & free in that moment. Whatever plant it was around us was giving off a scent reminiscent of chamomile and cherries. Dunno why, but ever since then, the smell of some chamomile tea gives me that nostalgia and reminds me of when my life felt more meaningful and beautiful.
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
I'm in a situation myself where I might have to part with a doctor of mine who gives me all my meds and has for 5 years, because I might have to move to another state. And my biggest fear is moving and then being cut off and given shitty crap like SSRI's, etc.. that I've taken millions of times and have never helped.
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yeah man that same scenario happened to me, my doc 4 years ago in Texas who diagnosed my schizo also gave me good stuff like benzos and adderall, loved that guy

then I moved to NC and every doctor since has been absolute ass... I made the move spontaneously... wanted a "Fresh start"... now I regret it deeply

DeathIndustrial88 said:
Very large pots of brewed chamomile has been shown to have some benzo activity. It's always worth a shot until you can find a good doctor. Don't expect miracles from it, but it could help in the midst of a weird mental attack and also aide in sleep.

The smell of chamomile reminds me of a time in my early 20's. I was walking around late at night with my dog and then partner. It was so peaceful and serene (I might have been high on tramadol) but I just felt so good and so alive & free in that moment. Whatever plant it was around us was giving off a scent reminiscent of chamomile and cherries. Dunno why, but ever since then, the smell of some chamomile tea gives me that nostalgia and reminds me of when my life felt more meaningful and beautiful.
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I might try this, I bought a bunch of chamomile + valerian tea when I was going through the opioid withdrawal 2 weeks ago out of desperation to sleep, didn't do shit but I was also in heavy withdrawal anyways

might give it a try tonight

on top of all this stress my mom is in the hospital with covid, she's older and high risk :(

I was exposed to covid for a few days, I tested negative today but still think I'm going to get sick because I never got my booster (went and got it an hour ago)

stress, stress, stress... blah
 
Damn man,

Thats kind of where I'm at right now. Looking for a fresh start.

I lived with my mom for a long time (like a loser, but I don't regret being there with her one bit).
She had cancer for a year but it actually ended up being constipation that killed her.

Anyways, we also got kicked out of our apartment in the middle of her treatments.
I chose to move in with an ex of mine who I have since learned is not going to ever change and is abusive and manipulative.
He's definitely schizophrenic and often talks in cryptic code and half the time doesn't make any sense when he talks.
He some how is able to hold down jobs, even working 10 hours a day. I think he's part schizo & part psychopath. Refuses any kind of responsibility for his actions.
Pretends he has no issues going on & doesn't need help & is in his 40's now. I know where this can end up if he don't do something about it.
I stayed so I could keep my doctor and therapist. Now I feel stuck. I can leave, but I know it's going to be an incredible challenge to start all over again.

I'm a big guy and have lived through hell. Normally I'm the aggressor/dominator but never in a million years did I think I'd end up being stuck with some one who treats me like trash & makes me feel weak.

Yeah I don't think chamomile or valerian can really do much during an opiate withdrawal, so that's understandable. Maybe now that the acute phase is over it might be more noticeable.
Can't hurt to try either I guess.

If it helps calm your nerves any, I've known several people in their 50's and 60's, overweight and with co morbidities who got covid and it was very mild for them. Although everyone is different and you said your mom is in the hospital. Hopefully it doesn't progress. I have yet to catch it for some reason & I don't take many precautions other than staying away from people's personal space that I don't know and making sure I wash my hands some times. But that's just me.


Hang in there friend. I'm curious to see what kind of experience (if any) or stress relief you get from the chamomile. I'm talking like 10 tea bags kind of strong. I enjoy it once in awhile but it's nothing extreme. Alcohol also affects the benzo receptor sites, but it's way worse to start drinking IMO.
 
+1 for very strong chamomile tea!!!! It really does help. Whenever I've been in rehab I've gotten all the other inpatients on to it. Before bed we'd all sit around outside and have a million cups of chamomile tea and a million cigarettes lol. Ahhhh addicts 😄 Never do things in halves.

Even now I've got 5 boxes of chamomile tea in my cupboard at home, in all different flavours: vanilla, spiced apple, vanilla & honey, ginger & honey, and plain chamomile.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Oh dude I only just read this part. So sorry to hear. I sincerely hope she is okay. Is she vaccinated?
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Yeah, she is vaccinated. But she's almost 70 and having bad symptoms :(

The hospital released her just now. So that's good news but she's not out of the woods yet. They gave her some inhaler if she has trouble breathing again. She doesn't sound good, wheezing and breathing shallow.

My step dad also had it, but he's already recovering faster than her.
 
Negentropic said:
Yeah, she is vaccinated. But she's almost 70 and having bad symptoms :(

The hospital released her just now. So that's good news but she's not out of the woods yet. They gave her some inhaler if she has trouble breathing again. She doesn't sound good, wheezing and breathing shallow.

My step dad also had it, but he's already recovering faster than her.
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Hey that's great she's out of hospital! They wouldn't have released her if they didn't feel confident that she'd be okay <3
 
Anyone ever have an experience with mullein? I hear it's good for respiratory health.
I tried some recently out of curiosity, but didn't notice any benefits. But then again I don't have many respiratory issues (incredible since I smoke 2pks a day).

People hate on the cliche 'vitamins' and stuff but some vitamin D3, C, zinc and such doesn't hurt to take either.
 
Negentropic said:
I put 10 bags of chamomile into 1 cup, had some valerian too

seems to have a sublte, but noticeable effect

:)
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:)

As long as you're a seasoned drug user & know to go into knowing it'll be mild but knowing what to look out for, you'll realize that there's good reason that this herb has been a staple for so long. I dare say I've had mild euphoria from chamomile at times, but I was also on other things, so it could have been the combo. Great thing to have around & has it's uses. Same with valerian.

Things like melatonin might work at first but will put your circadian rhythm out of whack and can make insomnia worse. Just throwing this out there. Especially in the high doses they use in OTC formulations.
 
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

A RANDOMIZED, DOUBLE-BLIND, PLACEBO-CONTROLLED TRIAL OF ORAL MATRICARIA RECUTITA (CHAMOMILE) EXTRACT THERAPY OF GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER

We conducted a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled efficacy and tolerability trial of Matricaria recutita (chamomile) extract therapy in patients with mild to moderate Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). We hypothesized that chamomile would be ...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

The Therapeutic Potential of Apigenin

Several plant bioactive compounds have exhibited functional activities that suggest they could play a remarkable role in preventing a wide range of chronic diseases. The largest group of naturally-occurring polyphenols are the flavonoids, including apigenin. ...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

"Apigenin, and other constituents of chamomile, have also been shown to bind to BZ receptors and reduce GABA-activated activity."



Just some random knowledge. I've helped a handful of people in cold turkey benzo withdrawal with telling them to drink loads of chamomile. Could help somebody.
Having trouble finding more info about chamomile's interactions with the BZD receptors though. Although I know I've read about it in the past.
 
Kava seems like it would be the best option for cold turkey benzo withdrawal

I tried whisky and it was a complete disaster
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
:)

As long as you're a seasoned drug user & know to go into knowing it'll be mild but knowing what to look out for, you'll realize that there's good reason that this herb has been a staple for so long. I dare say I've had mild euphoria from chamomile at times, but I was also on other things, so it could have been the combo. Great thing to have around & has it's uses. Same with valerian.

Things like melatonin might work at first but will put your circadian rhythm out of whack and can make insomnia worse. Just throwing this out there. Especially in the high doses they use in OTC formulations.
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Yeah definitely wasn't placebo. I slept pretty well for 3 hours before waking up which is an improvement, and then fell asleep again without much trouble. 10 bags was much more noticeable than 1 or 2.
 
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