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Recovery Neurological damage, medication intolerance and dark thoughts

Snafu in the Void

Snafu in the Void

Moderator: NMI Bukowski Jr.
Staff member
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May 27, 2020
Messages
31,998
The last 2 months have been hell. First ashwagandha fucked me up, gave me brain zaps and brought back some schizophrenia symptoms, then risperidone and kratom (and alcohol/cannabis) put me into severe agitation, akathisia and ultimately serotonin syndrome and a hospital visit. I cut out everything, stopped taking all drugs, meds and supplements and went through 14+ days of fucking hell withdrawal.

I thought my brain would have balanced out by now, it's been 3 weeks. I finally saw a psychiatrist after waiting over a month and like usual she was very cold, textbook and would not listen to me about my continuing symptoms. Blah blah blah here is some seroquel and next time maybe some buspar... typical... it was a 1 hour appointment and I left after 36 minutes...

I have been incredibly hypersensitive to sound and sudden noises. I've had to listen to TV shows at minimum volume otherwise it sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard. Tiny little sounds give me brain zaps. Constant dull headaches. Irritability, depression, fatigue, inability to concentrate, buzzing sensation in my body. I can barely function. Horrible insomnia.

I suggested we start on seroquel and she agreed. I apprehensively took 50mg and I can't even tolerate it. Gives me even worse brain zaps, makes sound even more hypersensitive and mild hallucinations. I did get some sleep, but wonder if it's even worth it.

I even tried to start up kratom again, 1-2g small doses provide the same awful side effects.

My serotonin system is fucked and wont tolerate antagonists. I got over the acute opioid withdrawal but still having paws, yet I feel like I am in perpetual SSRI withdrawal yet I was not on SSRIs. My brain is totally fucked man.

I really don't even know what to do. I can't do drugs or drink alcohol, I can't take medications either. I'm trying to see a neurologist but have to jump through all these hoops just to get a referral.

I feel like nothing will help. I'm very upset about everything and feel hopeless. Normally I would turn to alcohol however that's also giving me horrible symptoms and even worse hangovers from amounts that would never produce hangovers in me.

I don't know, just felt like ranting. Super isolated, super depressed. I need help but feel like I can't get it. It takes fucking weeks or months to get an appointment with any doctor who can do something. I fucking hate this country. I hate this neurological state.

I really hope this doesn't last forever. Can't take drugs, can't take medication... fucking purgatory man

I'm so fucking over this shit man

end rant
 
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this might have an obvious answer that i'm missing, but why are you trying to take any substances? i feel like every time you try could be setting your brain off balance again and delaying the healing process. your brain is evidently hypersensitive to everything right now and obviously i'm not your dr but i'd try and wait it out til you can see the neurologist.

i get that you are feeling agitated and hopeless but the more you focus on trying to find a chemical fix the more power you are giving te way you feel. sometimes distraction is all we can do. i'm not diminishing it because it does really sound awful and very prolonged to be in such an acutely horrible state. i wish there was more i could say or do.
 
chinup said:
this might have an obvious answer that i'm missing, but why are you trying to take any substances?
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honestly just seeking some form of normalcy so I can go back to work or at least have some sort of feeling again



I need to get into therapy too... but I'm flat broke because I haven't been working, haven't been working because I am unwell, then the negative self deprecating thoughts start... and the cycle begins again

I already know the answer is to just soberly wait it out, push myself to work even though I don't want to... then I get all down about myself bad thoughts feel like a wussy

I think the #1 thing that's bothering me is not the sobriety, but that I can't even take my normal medication which I really do need.. that's difficult to process right now

it's mentally tough to go through withdrawal just to hit a wall and be faced with another long wait
 
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chinup said:
this might have an obvious answer that i'm missing, but why are you trying to take any substances? i feel like every time you try could be setting your brain off balance again and delaying the healing process. your brain is evidently hypersensitive to everything right now and obviously i'm not your dr but i'd try and wait it out til you can see the neurologist.

i get that you are feeling agitated and hopeless but the more you focus on trying to find a chemical fix the more power you are giving te way you feel. sometimes distraction is all we can do. i'm not diminishing it because it does really sound awful and very prolonged to be in such an acutely horrible state. i wish there was more i could say or do.
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We are so used to take a substance fir everything and now he csnt take anything. He should try to remain clean from everything after this imo. Perhaps some ayahuasca would help...
 
nznity said:
We are so used to take a substance fir everything and now he csnt take anything. He should try to remain clean from everything after this imo.
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Yeah man, I can deal with sobriety I'm used to that. But not being able to take meds from a doctor is really fucking with me psychologically. Feels hopeless, hard to deal with and gives me anxiety thinking I've done permanent damage.

nznity said:
Perhaps some ayahuasca would help...
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rofl hell no

I've done DMT dozens of times, all that psychedelic use is what damaged my serotonin system in the first place, 4 years ago, and gave me schizo

tripping right now would be a huge mistake

my serotonin system needs rest

honestly if I ever do DMT again it might be on my death bed, I did way too much... enough for ten people.

the entities actually started becoming unwelcoming at my frequent presence
 
Negentropic said:
Yeah man, I can deal with sobriety I'm used to that. But not being able to take meds from a doctor is really fucking with me psychologically. Feels hopeless, hard to deal with and gives me anxiety thinking I've done permanent damage.


rofl hell no

I've done DMT dozens of times, all that psychedelic use is what damaged my serotonin system in the first place, 4 years ago, and gave me schizo

tripping right now would be a huge mistake

my serotonin system needs rest

honestly if I ever do DMT again it might be on my death bed, I did way too much... enough for ten people.

the entities actually started becoming unwelcoming at my frequent presence
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Then this should be a wake up call for you to get clean once and for all...
 
I am on mercy of doctors can say.yon need your medvand rely on them.All this familiar to mee.Its horrific.Also would go to neurologist.In fact man,..many people on this planet suffered mentally.May be all this rays from el.fields -tv's,iphones,pc-s.all this played role also.Quick as possible recovery friend!
 
Do you tolerate fish oil?
Can be used as an anti depressant but it takes about a month.

You need to try the liquid and take a tablespoon every day. Not the gell caps.
 
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Negentropic said:
No

Sober as a baby 🐥

Only nicotine
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As how u described how ure feeling I had this picture in my mind of someone who got injected with invega rather than someone who is wding from drugs. Perhaps an evil nurse injected u with invega sustenna without you knowing xddd
 
nznity said:
As how u described how ure feeling I had this picture in my mind of someone who got injected with invega rather than someone who is wding from drugs. Perhaps an evil nurse injected u with invega sustenna without you knowing xddd
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nah man, antipsychotics don't bother me, I like them and they calm me down

that's why I'm pissed because I can't even take those anymore
 
This happened to me a few years ago (kinda).

It was when I was accidentally took a DXM trip on a good dose of my Effexor. So probably 2017.
I ended up with convulsions in my legs & had to take a clonazepam to stop them.

Anyway, fast forward a few weeks and I notice I now have body jerking movements that I can't control.
And I also stared having weird 'episodes' where sounds, like on the tv or people's voices would suddenly sound really loud and like it had some weird tin can effect over it.
And it would immediately cause a panic attack because of the strange sensation.

I spent years after this with body jerks and all kinds of strange sensations through out my brain & body.
It's taken forever to find any answers. Did an EEG twice, first time was for 30 minutes and they said it was normal. Second time was years later and I had to wear the electrodes on my head at home for two days. I had to press a button whenever I had a jerk or something, which I had 3 jerks that I hit the button on. And they ended up saying they saw those on the results and they said they saw a bunch of other abnormalities that I wasn't aware of. But didn't expand any further.

Then months later they finally gave me a cat scan, which they said I had mild disc disease in my neck but that they didn't see any tumors or damage on my brain (which is strange that some one who's used hard drugs & everything under the sun for 20 years wouldn't have an abnormal CT scan, but maybe again they can't see that kind of damage, idk).

They didn't wanna do anything else after that and send me on my way.
Then I was told I should get a sleep study, but had to get a GP first in this new area I live in. And the GP cancelled on me over 5 times!!!! It took me over a month to see him.
I was shaking and fucked up in tears when I did see him. He gave me a bunch of info in case I became homeless and places where I could get free health care & then had me set up with an appt with a sleep consultation which was 3 months later. It was actually just earlier this month. And they're so 'booked' that I can't get the sleep study done until June. And then after that, it takes 2-4 weeks before you get a result & then there's the possibility i'll have to do a 90 day follow up.

It's like... great!!! Yeah, I totally have all the fucking time & money & resources to deal with all this while I wait for almost a fucking year just to find out if I have sleep disorder. lol

It's ridiculous. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I still enjoy drugs & feel like I need some form of them or I would just self destruct.

I'm not sure I have any great advice or anything. But your sudden sensitivity to sounds made me remember my whole neurological journey that I've been on for years & have given up on.
I don't have schizophrenia though. And I've actually been drinking tea lately with ashwaghanda in it. I don't notice any kind of effects, or if there were suppose to be any.


In my case, shit didn't get any better. So I won't lie and say they will, but just know you're not alone I guess. And maybe it does get better for some people. All you can do is hang in there and see. <3
 
@DeathIndustrial88 Yeah man I already know if I continue to press doctors about this and try to find answers that is going to be one hell of a headache. From my early experience so far... none of them are listening to me already and brushing it off. Sorry you have this bullshit too.

Do you still have sound sensitivity? It sounds a lot like what I had, it seems to come and go in waves but is always there in some fashion. Sometimes if I forget to turn my phone down the sound is so loud it almost feels like im about to have a seizure (and thus anxiety). It's nuts.

I wouldn't worry too much about the ashwagandha tea, I was taking pretty big doses like 1200-2000mg of the standardized extract.
 
Are you stuck with that Dr that suggested Buspar? Cuz I'd find another if I could. It was prescribed to me once a long time ago for depression/anxiety. Did absolutely nothing.
I mentioned this to the next shrink I went to (who turned out to be the best ever), and he said "Yeah, Buspar is basically a placebo."

Just sayin'
 
jasperkent said:
Are you stuck with that Dr that suggested Busbar? Cuz I'd find another if I could. It was prescribed to me once a long time ago for depression/anxiety. Did absolutely nothing.
I mentioned this to the next shrink I went to (who turned out to be the best ever), and he said "Yeah, Buspar is basically a placebo."

Just sayin'
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yeah I already know it doesn't do shit

I can find a new doctor, the issue is it always takes like 2-3 months just to get an appointment because the medical system im in is fucking shitty
 
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