CreativeRandom
Ex-Bluelighter
Agreed.
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OD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | Tryptamino
Negro is on break (from negro)?
- Thread starter negrogesic
- Start date
negrogesic
Bluelight Crew
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This forum has NOT gone to shit. I have to admit, and feel compelled to be brutally honest all you guys (i consider you all friends, even the enemies that curse me out which i still feel compassion for, in fact i have particularly weakness for our people). We are like a psuedo-race, i dont know, but there is comfort in the the discomfort i see, my own. You know, tears of both pain fom WD's, while simultaneously crying from joy that your off the poison, and i try more and more not to punish and administrate than to HELP. I have been very active in this forum (i only post in this forum now, aside from the rare posts on the staff support, whereas i used to only in psychedelics, and ive used different handles).
But my drug abuse cycle is abnormal but simple. I NEVER used drugs in high school. I had a nasty break-up with my girlfriend (NO ONE should have 2+ years relationships at 17 years old, which i did, and the withdrawal was eerily drug like, at least in retrospect).
So, i was straight edge, but severe ADHD, EVERYONE though i was tweaking when was always sober, and vice versa. Now my old tweaking like behavior is coming out ADHD style, i got 500cc of reality mainlined and im still fucked up on sobriety.
Im sorry about making a late call on that vacation, it doesnt look like im going anywhere, i was just gone for a while, i was too weak (psycho and physically) to even press the on button on my computer, and though i generally dont mind, i always get bombarded with "emergency" type of "i really need to talk to you" type questions, which again i dont mind, it does hurt me to feel your guys pain, but i am here to help, and probably more.
With all your help (you CERTAINY dont have to be a mod to be a MASSIVE help) we can get this place into a very comfortable, effective, interesting, meaningfull and knowledgable forum. We already have the wealth of knowledge, we just have to direct it properly.
Again, forgive those rants of mine, i suppose it could have been worse, but it despite its disputable coherency, i MEANT what I said. I am generally very rational, and dont tend to go on like this and even worse the former posts i made in this thread (which, yes, is truely not an OD thread, but i had to get this out to YOU guys, here, where i feel at home). No you dont have to be an old schooler to be an active participant, MOST of the guys who posted when i first came here 4-5 years ago are gone, some arent, speedballracer comes by every so often, and blah, despite all the attempts to ban him, is still here, and he is a very active poster. Im not saying activity equals quality, but in this anomoly, blah manifested both. But those of you who havent been here as long and arent veteran skagheads can, again, be of great importance (hell, naturalone is newbie of sorts).
So, aside from that period where i was kicking the sweet lady H, and she was kicking me for breaking up with her......
And i havent answered some questions that i meant answer, i have to jet, but i will be back, aside from act of God. Dont be afraid of what appeared to be this diametric change and what i did think was a psychotic break. You guys didnt know me in my extreme adhd state. Evidently you will probably find out.
But i know for sure im still negrogresic. I THINK my PM box is empty, PM me at will, in fact, i would appreciate it.......
This forum has NOT gone to shit. I have to admit, and feel compelled to be brutally honest all you guys (i consider you all friends, even the enemies that curse me out which i still feel compassion for, in fact i have particularly weakness for our people). We are like a psuedo-race, i dont know, but there is comfort in the the discomfort i see, my own. You know, tears of both pain fom WD's, while simultaneously crying from joy that your off the poison, and i try more and more not to punish and administrate than to HELP. I have been very active in this forum (i only post in this forum now, aside from the rare posts on the staff support, whereas i used to only in psychedelics, and ive used different handles).
But my drug abuse cycle is abnormal but simple. I NEVER used drugs in high school. I had a nasty break-up with my girlfriend (NO ONE should have 2+ years relationships at 17 years old, which i did, and the withdrawal was eerily drug like, at least in retrospect).
So, i was straight edge, but severe ADHD, EVERYONE though i was tweaking when was always sober, and vice versa. Now my old tweaking like behavior is coming out ADHD style, i got 500cc of reality mainlined and im still fucked up on sobriety.
Im sorry about making a late call on that vacation, it doesnt look like im going anywhere, i was just gone for a while, i was too weak (psycho and physically) to even press the on button on my computer, and though i generally dont mind, i always get bombarded with "emergency" type of "i really need to talk to you" type questions, which again i dont mind, it does hurt me to feel your guys pain, but i am here to help, and probably more.
With all your help (you CERTAINY dont have to be a mod to be a MASSIVE help) we can get this place into a very comfortable, effective, interesting, meaningfull and knowledgable forum. We already have the wealth of knowledge, we just have to direct it properly.
Again, forgive those rants of mine, i suppose it could have been worse, but it despite its disputable coherency, i MEANT what I said. I am generally very rational, and dont tend to go on like this and even worse the former posts i made in this thread (which, yes, is truely not an OD thread, but i had to get this out to YOU guys, here, where i feel at home). No you dont have to be an old schooler to be an active participant, MOST of the guys who posted when i first came here 4-5 years ago are gone, some arent, speedballracer comes by every so often, and blah, despite all the attempts to ban him, is still here, and he is a very active poster. Im not saying activity equals quality, but in this anomoly, blah manifested both. But those of you who havent been here as long and arent veteran skagheads can, again, be of great importance (hell, naturalone is newbie of sorts).
So, aside from that period where i was kicking the sweet lady H, and she was kicking me for breaking up with her......
And i havent answered some questions that i meant answer, i have to jet, but i will be back, aside from act of God. Dont be afraid of what appeared to be this diametric change and what i did think was a psychotic break. You guys didnt know me in my extreme adhd state. Evidently you will probably find out.
But i know for sure im still negrogresic. I THINK my PM box is empty, PM me at will, in fact, i would appreciate it.......
Re: water-filer-coke-rush-im-speed'n
fuck chicagoland winters, man this thread has made my head all wound and unwired fuck. good luck negro, there are other that are in same stages, we're both the same ages, i have no drugs either, bupe well...im out g.l. i'm just waiting for the sun, where the fuck did the sun go?.,...........
blahblahblah said:
fuck chicagoland winters, man this thread has made my head all wound and unwired fuck. good luck negro, there are other that are in same stages, we're both the same ages, i have no drugs either, bupe well...im out g.l. i'm just waiting for the sun, where the fuck did the sun go?.,...........
RoboticOpiateMaster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2004
- Messages
- 182
see you soon. will miss yah
the armed forces
Ex-Bluelighter
Whoa whoa whoa slowwww downnnnn. I'm confused again....
[call me by negro, refrain from personal referalls), it seems my stages of opiate addiction, and various health problems always seem to be parallel with yours(Mine not being as severe). Even with the different time zones of Cali and Wisconsin I wonder how many times we've actually had a needle in our hard-to-find veins at the same time. Better yet popped wood after a filthy sweet shot at the exact same second of arousal. (Yeah sounds way gay).
Anyway man i can't help but sense that your sobriety seems to be driving you insane internally. Keep your head up and remember to relax from those long hours in your secret little clinic you got der.
Take care, I'm off to get a ridiculously overpriced rapid detox. Be back in a few days.
Anyway man i can't help but sense that your sobriety seems to be driving you insane internally. Keep your head up and remember to relax from those long hours in your secret little clinic you got der.
Take care, I'm off to get a ridiculously overpriced rapid detox. Be back in a few days.
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fastandbulbous
Bluelight Crew
They do! Otherwise how do you explain me being here (well not strictly true, as I haven't taught for a few years now), but you get the gist.
Negro, Take the oppertunity to rant and get it out of your system, as if it stays in there, it just festers and is the basis of another problem in the future. Your posts might seem a bit wayward to some people, but I can remember what it was like to have a shitload of overamplified emotions come racing back after getting free of the dark embrace of opiates (crying at Lassie films for fucks sake), and my affair with smack was slight and short lived.
I don't think I could imagine the grim times you must be having, but there are a lot of people wishing you the best with your struggle, and that's got to count for something.
When you're back to the world that's not ruled by benzos and opiates, you might even get a book out of it (every cloud does have a silver lining, it's just a case of knowing where to look!).
Anyway, best wishes, and fight the good fight - you will win eventually
f&b
plug in baby
Bluelighter
More luck, love and hugs for you my negro...you are doing sooooooooo well!!
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