needed to say this... sorry.

[zephyrhigh]

. I've never really ever said what i sgould have out loud to anyone but Ive often needed to..... Well guys Ive never really made up my mind to quit using boi ,permanently its always been a break of sorts to regroup and shyt. This past year I met the most wonderful man and best friend that same night I started using again after 11 months clean. Needless to say we have been on a hundred thousand adventures together with 1000x more memories this whole year. We've been thru all the ups and downs that come with using and some. Out of all the years Ive been using this past year changed my whole world to more sweet than sour . we both had our own demons but we also had each other. We had a connection deeper than just dope and not just as an escape from our issues. He rescued me and helped me sink my ship all at the same time. I helped him fight his self and our addiction for a year. Needless to say the difference this round for me was that not only was I doped but I lived. His past caught up with him and was too thick for him to be able to breath through and too heavy to move past . He killed his self April 30th. I couldn't contact him for two weeks before the incident. I couldn't save him and honestly I know why . I failed him because I got in too deep and let my dope self consume me. I became everything our dope selves are. Ive hit rock bottom before and even still I decided I would only "break" from dope. Since the day he died I have been absolutely spiraling further down into my own self destruction its been a dark time for me mentally emotionally and every other way possible.Saturday I decided that I had enough I went and bought 6x my dose . I finished it off. I'm tired of fighting this off.my point to all this is I have finally decided that I'm done with this shyt for good . I have finally chosen a permanent break from heroin. My hunger for it died the day he did. I'm awake and the funny thing is I'm not even scared or hesitant or double thinking my desicion . I'm so ready for this after years of being a productive addict of society I know I can live productively and function and be content with dope but its no longer worth it to me. So wish me luck guys. Here's to life without heroin. I wish you guys the best at what you do . wait for it heres the corny one sentence conclusion.live your life and don't let your life live you.

 

[pasha]

homeless -> the dark side

 

[motiv311]

congrats!

i believe that if you remain strong , the universe and the powers that be will demonstrate repeatedly that you ARE MAKING THE RIGHT CALL! your whole life will be different once you shed your "dope person" .... who wants to be the stupid nodded out junky in the room anyway right?

 

[herbavore]

Zephyr, at first reading I was afraid that you were saying that you had decided to end your life and my heart jumped into my throat. I am so sorry about your friend that decided it was the only way out and happy for you that you see the fallacy of that.

My son's death had the same effect on different people in his life. It is a comfort to me in the midst of my sorrow that someone else could have their eyes and heart opened by the crushing reality, the finality of his death. Despair is as big a killer as cancer and yet no doctor and no medicine can cure it. Only the mind itself can recognize that it alone is the source of despair and thus the healing begins. I hope for anyone locked in that prison of the mind the clarity that allows hope back in. With hope comes the faith in one's own strength, one's own capabilities. I know that you can do this. It is so much more than quitting a drug habit. It is quitting a way of thinking and living on the run from one's true self.