need your help with a situation..

[snowboarder7791]

i have a friend who confided in me one of her friends started to cut her self recently. she is scared for her friend and doesnt know what to do. anyone care to offer me some advice /help lines etc on this one since i dont really know what since i really dont know the other person really well ...that i can pass on to my friend. thanks guys....

 

[herbavore]

It's a tricky thing. It doesn't make any sense to anyone on the outside but it is generally seen as a (misguided) control issue. Often people who cut feel their whole lives are out of control. The ritual of cutting provides a sense of control for some, release for others and sometimes both. I have a starnge theory that it is an attempt to actually feel when the emotional world seems so dangerous.

The only advice I can give is that of seeking therapy. Her friend is obviously struggling with something deep. Cutting generally adds shame on top of everything else that is already going on. I hope she can stop before getting too far in--it gets harder.

 

[Pagey]

^I very much agree that people who cut are often trying to just feel something. My best friend was a cutter all through high school. When I noticed the marks I expressed my concern *calmly* and made him know that I was always here if he needed someone. I started sharing more of my own problems with him so that he wouldn't feel so alone and from what he's told me since, that was the support he really needed. I think you should tell your friend to express her support but don't pressure her friend into telling her everything that's going on since that'll only push her away and probably make matters worse.

 

[tokenname]

cutting can have several different motivations behind it.
alot of times it actually is a way of reaching out..
showing that there's something the cutter is dealing w/alone..
almost as if, subconsciously, they're testing to see if anyone's paying
attention. they often feel alone..are unable to express how they're
feeling..but hoping someone will notice...w/o appearing as though
they're looking for help.
the best advice has already been stated. the friend should verbalize
that s/he's noticed and that s/he's concerned and engage in
a give and take conversation..and offer support and a place to lean.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I agree with herbavore and tokenname. Cutting isn't the problem, it's a symptom of the problem(s). I think your friend should be supportive, kind and non-judgmental, try to make their friend feel they can be honest and open about their cutting and whatever is going on in their life, and help them research options like a good therapist if they are open to that kind of thing.

 

[snowboarder7791]

thanks for the replies . i sent her this info..

 

[hthr007]

Just to add to all the great replies --

When I used to self injure, I would do it as a way to get attention, and the whole "numb the pain" type deal. It was almost as if I wanted others to see how bad I was hurt because I wanted the help. I wanted someone to see the marks and talk to me to see what was wrong. I would advise to let the friend know. Also, try getting to know the person better perhaps? Most people want a close friend in their time of need.