OsamaBeenNoddin
Greenlighter
Here's my first entry on Bluelight so if I break any rules or ramble a little too much, I apologize. Anyways, I'm a 20 year old Male from Maryland aspiring to be a DJ/Producer as well as a Songwriter. I currently live at home with my parents saving up money to move out working as a server at a local restaurant. I've also been addicted to opiates for over 2 years now. 1st year was Oxycodone, and the past year and a half it's been heroin pretty much daily.
I started out like every other high school kid just experimenting with all kinds of drugs (MDMA, Cocaine, Mushrooms, Benzos, etc.) and smoking weed whenever I could. My friends and I would occasionally come across pain pills that someone in our family was prescribed, but never spent money on it. The addiction to Oxy didn't really start until my first year of community college when all my friends were at universities because they either had a scholarship, or had somewhat wealthy parents and average grades. My plan was to go 2 years at community then transfer to a school where my friends were at. Although I started off the year well, I started to feel very lonely and a little depressed as the only thing that would keep me sane and content was music because I didn't have too many people to hangout with. My creativity was at it's peak during this time period and I ended up racking in thousands and thousands of plays on the tracks I was releasing.
However I still carried this emptiness inside of me (which I definitely still carry to this day) which caused me to start looking for drugs other than weed. I literally remember constantly texting my dealers, "Know where anything besides weed is?" until I ran across a friend who we'll call T who said he could get me some 15mg Oxys. The first few months I didn't really do it too much since T had to wait on other people's scripts so there wasn't a steady supply, but boy did I love the rush I got from snorting those things. Eventually T ended up getting them prescribed from a crooked doctor in DC and that's when things really went downhill. Not only were they cheaper now, but he'd deliver them and everything. My tolerance skyrocketed after my parents went on vacation for 2 weeks and gave me a good amount of cash for groceries. Of course I spent all that cash on Oxys, skipped class everyday, called out of work and just did whatever I wanted at any given time.
I carried on with this mindset and ended up flunking pretty much every class of my 2nd semester as a freshman. Frustrated with how things were going, I dropped out and tried to pursue music as my main career (still working day jobs). During this time my parents were very unhappy since I had pretty much flunked out of school and showed a general lack of motivation. They became very nosey and would try to catch me smoking weed whenever they could to try and prove that that's what is slowing me down.
By now T had lost his connection to get Oxys and along came heroin. An old dealer of mine texted me a few weeks after T lost his connect and said he had the best dope coming out of Bmore. As soon as I had a solid hookup for H, I was through. Making music has began to feel like something on the side, I rarely keep in touch with any of my friends, and I basically have lost all motivation to do anything at all. The only people noticing any real change in my behavior has of course been my parents who have now set me up with a Psychologist that I meet with weekly, funny thing is they still think I'm only smoking weed. These sessions have helped a little since I can talk openly about my addiction to someone without them telling anyone, however no real solutions on how to stop have been brought up at all.
Only a handful of people actually know that I use, and I would like to keep it that way although recently it's been tricky to keep it a secret since there's been rumors going around my town that I fuck with H. I am very aware that if I keep living like a junkie, then that's all I'll ever be in life. My current plan to getting clean is to save up and move in with my brother to keep away from drugs and focus on either going to school or making music full time. No subs, no benzos, no substitutes except for occasionally smoking pot. Only problem is that I've spent basically all my money on dope the past few years so I barely have anything saved up. I don't blame anyone else but myself for the situation I'm in, all I ask for is a little guidance and support from you fellow Bluelighters who might be in a similar situation or have been here before. Thanks for reading, hope to hear back from a few of you.
Peace
I started out like every other high school kid just experimenting with all kinds of drugs (MDMA, Cocaine, Mushrooms, Benzos, etc.) and smoking weed whenever I could. My friends and I would occasionally come across pain pills that someone in our family was prescribed, but never spent money on it. The addiction to Oxy didn't really start until my first year of community college when all my friends were at universities because they either had a scholarship, or had somewhat wealthy parents and average grades. My plan was to go 2 years at community then transfer to a school where my friends were at. Although I started off the year well, I started to feel very lonely and a little depressed as the only thing that would keep me sane and content was music because I didn't have too many people to hangout with. My creativity was at it's peak during this time period and I ended up racking in thousands and thousands of plays on the tracks I was releasing.
However I still carried this emptiness inside of me (which I definitely still carry to this day) which caused me to start looking for drugs other than weed. I literally remember constantly texting my dealers, "Know where anything besides weed is?" until I ran across a friend who we'll call T who said he could get me some 15mg Oxys. The first few months I didn't really do it too much since T had to wait on other people's scripts so there wasn't a steady supply, but boy did I love the rush I got from snorting those things. Eventually T ended up getting them prescribed from a crooked doctor in DC and that's when things really went downhill. Not only were they cheaper now, but he'd deliver them and everything. My tolerance skyrocketed after my parents went on vacation for 2 weeks and gave me a good amount of cash for groceries. Of course I spent all that cash on Oxys, skipped class everyday, called out of work and just did whatever I wanted at any given time.
I carried on with this mindset and ended up flunking pretty much every class of my 2nd semester as a freshman. Frustrated with how things were going, I dropped out and tried to pursue music as my main career (still working day jobs). During this time my parents were very unhappy since I had pretty much flunked out of school and showed a general lack of motivation. They became very nosey and would try to catch me smoking weed whenever they could to try and prove that that's what is slowing me down.
By now T had lost his connection to get Oxys and along came heroin. An old dealer of mine texted me a few weeks after T lost his connect and said he had the best dope coming out of Bmore. As soon as I had a solid hookup for H, I was through. Making music has began to feel like something on the side, I rarely keep in touch with any of my friends, and I basically have lost all motivation to do anything at all. The only people noticing any real change in my behavior has of course been my parents who have now set me up with a Psychologist that I meet with weekly, funny thing is they still think I'm only smoking weed. These sessions have helped a little since I can talk openly about my addiction to someone without them telling anyone, however no real solutions on how to stop have been brought up at all.
Only a handful of people actually know that I use, and I would like to keep it that way although recently it's been tricky to keep it a secret since there's been rumors going around my town that I fuck with H. I am very aware that if I keep living like a junkie, then that's all I'll ever be in life. My current plan to getting clean is to save up and move in with my brother to keep away from drugs and focus on either going to school or making music full time. No subs, no benzos, no substitutes except for occasionally smoking pot. Only problem is that I've spent basically all my money on dope the past few years so I barely have anything saved up. I don't blame anyone else but myself for the situation I'm in, all I ask for is a little guidance and support from you fellow Bluelighters who might be in a similar situation or have been here before. Thanks for reading, hope to hear back from a few of you.
Peace
