gratefullydreaming
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2014
- Messages
- 70
A little background on mself, Ive bee depressed, and have had anxiety for about as long as I can remember. Ive moved a lot and had to change schools, make new friends, all that etc. Its taken a toll on me, Ive been in an outpatient program a couple years back, for abuse of psychedelic drugs, and marijuana, I got arrested, and shit my life got tough, i attempted suicide at one point, and am lucky to be here, (that was a few years back) so after rehab they got me on prozac and I took that for a bit. didn't really do much besides make me not feel emotion happiness or sad just "content".
When I moved again a year ago my anxiety and depression was bad, I had little friends, all I could do to get my mind off it is get high so the time could pass by, I would often get really bad social anxiety because I was in a huge new school and had about 3000 kids so i was not comfortable. After finishing school, my parents recommended I see a therapist. I did and it kinda helped, but he told me I need to see a psychiatrist. I also had been experiencing HPPD due to all the Acid I had done in the past, still see the ground or alls move occasionally hear random shit that isn't there etc. So in desperation We weren't able to get me someone to get some medication before I went off to college. Now this is another move right after just moving and having to make all friends again.
So school starts off pretty well, except I have little to no motivation to do my school work whatsoever. I would most days lay in bed all day, miss class, and not eat. The only good thing I had going for me was a girl I had met who said she loved me so there fore I fell in love with her too swell because she seemed like the one to me. I thought things were going well with us but I guess she couldn't handle me being a fuck up in school, and not caring ( which I don't blame her for). I woke up one morning with a text of her saying its not going to work because were more different than we think. thats when I just freaked out. I begged her to just give me another chance and she wouldn't give me one. immediately on impule I take 550 mg of benadryl to just escape. I wake up in the middle of the night laying on the floor with my dorm room door wide open.
The Next day I get up and being the person in love I am I go buy her flowers, turkish royals, and a bear stuffed animal. I try to give them to her all day but she kept telling me she's busy. I was so sad and just wanted to see her smile one last time, but she said she wasn't willing to give me another chance. I told her she can't tell someone you love them and 3 weeks later break their heart, your on some middle school shit dawg. SO pretty much she says all this stuff about how I'm going no where in live and am a mess but she cares for me and wants me to get better, whatever at this point I don't care. I go out with my friends that night and decided to take 5 mg of etizolam (bento research chemical). She calls me and tells me she want to talk to try to end things better, by the time I met up with her I was really fucked up and didn't really give a shit. we pretty much just went to my room, and I drank a 40. we talked some but I was really trying to listen to her after she broke my heart. she went home at some point which I don't remember that night at all. The next morning I woke up a mess, had not been to class in like two weeks, and I was at an all time low.
I called my dad and told him I was feeling like hurting myself and I was in a very bad place here at school, so I went to the emergency room for the day and stabilized myself. That night was the last night I had in college and i asked her if I could say goodbye, she agreed, but that greedy turd asked me to fuck her because I guess I'm pretty good at it. I stopped halfway and set I couldn't do it because it wasn't the same as before it was just lust. The next morning I took the bus down back home, and for the last week I've been chilling trying to get my life back on track, I never really was accepting of prescription medication but right now I'm desperate. Im seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow and need the medicine that will make me live a happier life. But on the bright side tonight she called me bailing her eyes out about how she is so sorry she hurt me and wants to be my close friend and she loves me felt pretty good. Im hoping I'm properly diagnosed tomorrow. anyone have any ideas of what medication would be best for me? after getting the medication I'm thinking about going up to colorado on my aunts farm for a month or so away from everything to just let the meds kick in then be able to come back home with a better mindset and possible motivation. Please give sound advice, and what you think ill end up getting for meds or what would be best thank you.
When I moved again a year ago my anxiety and depression was bad, I had little friends, all I could do to get my mind off it is get high so the time could pass by, I would often get really bad social anxiety because I was in a huge new school and had about 3000 kids so i was not comfortable. After finishing school, my parents recommended I see a therapist. I did and it kinda helped, but he told me I need to see a psychiatrist. I also had been experiencing HPPD due to all the Acid I had done in the past, still see the ground or alls move occasionally hear random shit that isn't there etc. So in desperation We weren't able to get me someone to get some medication before I went off to college. Now this is another move right after just moving and having to make all friends again.
So school starts off pretty well, except I have little to no motivation to do my school work whatsoever. I would most days lay in bed all day, miss class, and not eat. The only good thing I had going for me was a girl I had met who said she loved me so there fore I fell in love with her too swell because she seemed like the one to me. I thought things were going well with us but I guess she couldn't handle me being a fuck up in school, and not caring ( which I don't blame her for). I woke up one morning with a text of her saying its not going to work because were more different than we think. thats when I just freaked out. I begged her to just give me another chance and she wouldn't give me one. immediately on impule I take 550 mg of benadryl to just escape. I wake up in the middle of the night laying on the floor with my dorm room door wide open.
The Next day I get up and being the person in love I am I go buy her flowers, turkish royals, and a bear stuffed animal. I try to give them to her all day but she kept telling me she's busy. I was so sad and just wanted to see her smile one last time, but she said she wasn't willing to give me another chance. I told her she can't tell someone you love them and 3 weeks later break their heart, your on some middle school shit dawg. SO pretty much she says all this stuff about how I'm going no where in live and am a mess but she cares for me and wants me to get better, whatever at this point I don't care. I go out with my friends that night and decided to take 5 mg of etizolam (bento research chemical). She calls me and tells me she want to talk to try to end things better, by the time I met up with her I was really fucked up and didn't really give a shit. we pretty much just went to my room, and I drank a 40. we talked some but I was really trying to listen to her after she broke my heart. she went home at some point which I don't remember that night at all. The next morning I woke up a mess, had not been to class in like two weeks, and I was at an all time low.
I called my dad and told him I was feeling like hurting myself and I was in a very bad place here at school, so I went to the emergency room for the day and stabilized myself. That night was the last night I had in college and i asked her if I could say goodbye, she agreed, but that greedy turd asked me to fuck her because I guess I'm pretty good at it. I stopped halfway and set I couldn't do it because it wasn't the same as before it was just lust. The next morning I took the bus down back home, and for the last week I've been chilling trying to get my life back on track, I never really was accepting of prescription medication but right now I'm desperate. Im seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow and need the medicine that will make me live a happier life. But on the bright side tonight she called me bailing her eyes out about how she is so sorry she hurt me and wants to be my close friend and she loves me felt pretty good. Im hoping I'm properly diagnosed tomorrow. anyone have any ideas of what medication would be best for me? after getting the medication I'm thinking about going up to colorado on my aunts farm for a month or so away from everything to just let the meds kick in then be able to come back home with a better mindset and possible motivation. Please give sound advice, and what you think ill end up getting for meds or what would be best thank you.
Last edited by a moderator:
