Need some advice on getting clean from heroin.

[swoleosis]

I have been doing Heroin on and off for the past 2.5 years. The first year i was into it I went to detox felt fine afterwards and stayed clean for six months. Then i thought i could control it began to party and got stuck in the cycle of being scared to go through withdrawal and just getting high when i could.

I got sent out of town for work and went through a week of hell being up pretty much the entire time, not getting one hour of sleep for pretty much 5 days. I came home and managed to get a 8mg suboxone ate the whole thing and went back out of town. I managed to stay clean after that for about two months.

This past winter i got bad into it again and decided to go back to detox for the second time. This time when i got out i felt horrible after the last suboxone i got wore off. It was like i didnt go to detox at all i was in full blown withdrawal. I managed to find a person who sold subs and was staying clean just eating subs during the week and doing dope on the weekends. After my sub connect dried up I went into full blown withdrawal again. Now im either sick for two days in a row and manage to get high on something that third day.

Everytime i get high i swear to myself im never going to do it again and end up getting high two days later. I want nothing more then to get clean. I just got kicked out of my house because my girlfriend left me and i dont have shit. I dont have insurance and i cant manage to stay clean for more then two days. I dont want to take any subs and any otc support has just turned out to be a waste of money for me.

The worst part of going through withdrawal for me is the anxiety and not being able to sleep. I lay down in bed and feel like i want to explode. The main symptoms i get are as follows: Ill feel like shit all day. I have bad cough and i dry heave when i cough to hard. My nose is runny, I cant stop yawning, and my eyes water like crazy. I do hardcore manual labor for a living and every pound i lift feels like a million. Then this is the worst of it. I take a shower lay down to go to sleep and then the anxiety kicks in. My skin feels like its crawling, I can't sit still. I end up holding my breath tensing my entire body and exhaling. THIS IS THE WORST.

Every minute feels like its a whole day. My body hurts so bad and i cant think about anything besides getting high. This is usually when i call people up and beg for help and sooner or later somebody helps me. I can't seem to get past this point in my withdrawal. It goes on for hours until i lay there and get up for work on no sleep. I have no insurance and nobody to help me. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I AM BUYING OPIATES. Im make great money and have nothing to show for it but my car all for this stupid shit.

I talk such a big game and then as soon as i get off work im going to get high. I just want this cycle to stop so badly. I need some words of encouragement. Somebody to tell me how long I am not going to be able to sleep. Im close to losing everything i have. IM sick of burning whole paychecks to pay off my debts just to run up another one. I CANT FUCKIN DO THIS ANYMORE. SOMEBODY HELP ME. It seems like going a week without any drugs is just impossible for me at this point. I dont know what the fuck to do.

 

[laCster]

first off, take a deep breath!! it is going to be okay man!! i ended getting off opiates a couple times and each time SUCKED. but here i am today, all of my withdrawal symptoms are gone, even when they seemed like they were NEVER going to end. oh boy, let me tell you! i was on suboxone for 15months, was forced into withdrawal because my bitch fucking doctor, went to get strung out hydromorphone, got back on suboxone for 4 months, then forced to go to rehab and got off for 21 days, then i went back to heroin for another month or two, and that wasnt as bad, but i was in withdrawal again for 3 weeks, and i felt like i was never going to break free of the life-crushing grip of opiates!

however, i sit infront of my computer today no longer strung-out and physically dependent on opiates. how good does feel to say that!! i thought i was going to be on suboxone FOREVER lol.

go back to the store, buy LOPERAMIDE (immodium), benedryl, and some tylenol or aleve or advil. take ~20-40mgs immodium, 50-100mgs benedryl, and some of the OTC painkiller you bought. if you can, try to buy some type of benzo like klonopin or valium or even xanax to help with anxiety. gabapentin or baclofen or phenibut will help too if you can find any benzos. maybe try some weed too if that is your thing.if you have the money, you can order some kratom, but that will take 2-5days. kratom is the shiiiit!!! sadly drugs can only do so much, and you especially dont want to get strung out on another drug! you are going to have to stick this one out buddy! you got yourself in this shit hole, and you are the only person/thing that can get yourself out. that is a good thing though, because you can always change how you feel about a situation and how you feel in general! the power is in your hands.

remember, take deep breaths. this will come to and end, i PROMISE. try to find something that will give your life a new meeting. maybe it is AA/NA, SMART recovery or whatever. try exercising that really helps! eat healthy, like tea and shit (try to limit caffeine). spicy foods really help too. when you really feel low, call a friend or a loved one and just VENT. or come on bluelight. i can give you my number if you feel like you need it

-laC

 

[BlueSaffron]

Just don't give up. You're not alone, trust me. I was on heroin a long time, then methadone, then I was clean for a whopping three days and went back to heroin for six months or so.

I'm now on methadone for 3 1/2 weeks or so (I think?). I relapsed once in that time period, for 3 days. I feel shitty a lot as I"m on a low dose, but I'm not giving up. I know that withdrawal doesn't last forever, as much as it feels like it does. It's my goal to be completely clean before the summer's over, so I can enjoy it.

More people will be in here shortly with more specific advice, but I just want you to know you're not alone in your struggle, not alone in that feeling of "I'm really never gonna get off opiates, am I." But it's doable. Just don't stop fighting. xx

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey swoles and welcome to BL

I'm sorry you are struggling with this addiction. Most people focus on the acute with drawls. And most of us figure out the damn hard way that this is likely the most uncomfortable, but the easiest battle in the war.

I think that we should familiarize our self's with and come up with strong plans to address at least four different crucial aspects

1) acute withdrawals. I was wondering if you had tried the Lope like LaCster suggested. It really works wonders.. you may end up tapering of of it but this is usually pretty easy as it does not get you off. but it will definitely work for the withdrawals. Its actually a potent opiate but is flushed immediately from the blood brain once it crosses.

2) The PAWS

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki


Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Managing depressive thinking

it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
Here is the mindfulness thread.

3) The addiction

I talk such a big game and then as soon as i get off work im going to get high.

This sounded so familiar to me.. can't even count how many times i said that's it im done.. I finally made up my mind never again this shit sucks.. i think I may even have still been talking that shit while driving over to score. The addiction comes from the unconscious part of the mind and as you have experienced it doesn't really care how many times we proclaim to the ourselvs and the world that we are DONE. Kinda weird that a part of our brain we aren't even consciously aware of what its doing or its intentions turns out to be more powerful than the one we are privy to and thought was in control the whole time.

So we need to learn how to even up the playing field here. A good place to start is by getting some boys on our side of the battle. A good place to find this is in the suport groups that are made up of addicts who are trying to do the same.

Addiction Guide
The Brain and Addiction
SMART Recovery (Support Group information and discussion)
Twelve-Step Addiction Recovery Support Groups

4) The root of the addiction, or what was making you so unhappy that caused you to use the drugs in the manor that you have.


You can do this swoles.. If i can do it anyone can!!

 

[swoleosis]

Well I didn't do heroin today but I got a bunch of codeine. I ate ten of them and feel fine at the moment. I'm goin outa town for work, so there's no possible way I can get high until Friday night. I'm a gym rat been working out for 15 years and I'm 27 years old. I have a tough time scoring when I window shop in the ghetto cause nobody believes I get high. Everyone says I look like a jacked up cop. Thanks for the support I really need it. I'm gonna go tommorow and buy the shit you said. Last summer I spent a grand a week on dope. I'm not doing it again this summer. Ugh god. My life is so far off track since I started doing this shit, I just wanna get off this runaway train.

 

[neversickanymore]

Nice work!!

Try and keep your thoughts in the hear and now while you detoxing.. we have a tendency to get that fucked strong emotional response.. so it can make it loads more comfortable if we just keep it simple and in the moment.. start to slip into the past and we can get hit with anger, resentment, guilt, shame, regret, etc etc.. jump the other way and find ourselves all in the future and we can get slapped with anxiety, stress, fear, self doubt, etc, etc.. so you may consider just riding it out for awhile in the moment.. its all we ever have anyway.. can't change the past and worrying about the future doesn't really seem to do much good. Besides If we kick and stay off those drugs that we know swallow us whole.. its almost always a happy ending.

Here is a thread you may want to check out .. anything in blue is a link in case you weren't aware, so many different types of people make it to BL I throw it out there just in case. Loperamide (Immodium) Megathread v. 2

No worries on the support.. allot of good people on BL.. so keep at it and keep us updated.

If you want to share what dose your coming off of maybe someone can recommend a good dose for the lope.

 

[swoleosis]

Ten bags of heroin sniffed in one shot or 2mgs of suboxone , just to get me through. Sniffing a whole bundle doesn't even get me high no matter who I buy from. How much of this lope should I start with and what should a taper look like. I looked at the thread but there were varying opinions. Also, i don't want to depend on that shit either. Thanks people

 

[phactor]

I strongly urge you to get some outside support, NA/SMART/AA and/or therapist. If you find you cannot stop, even though you swear over and over again that its the "last time" (I did this craziness for years and years) and you are like me you will find that you simply need outside help. I do therapy and NA, but everyone is different.

You don't ever have to use again. This could be your last withdrawal experience.

Best of luck.

 

[southeast]

loperamide really helps- and you do not have to keep taking it, im already not and fine. I took it for a day and came off for a day. and I had a really really heavy habit-- lots of heroin. You can do this... I used ketamine too but not like a k hole cause you would NOT like where you go... just snorting it.
The best speech on addiction I have ever gotten someone told me that I am not helpless-- I am the ruler of my world and make all of my decisions. "One day at a time" does not help me but feeling like it cant wont happen is even worse.
You'll get clean. Make it happen. Even if it takes all of you to do it, its damn terrible and you feel awful.
I moaned to a friend how depressed I was before heroin he said yea, but you sound worse now you just cant see that.. I was like oh, fuck.

You can do it.

 

[lolsem]

Wishing you so much hugs & luck in your journey towards being clean You can do it!
I spent almost 3 years in an in patient rehab in South Africa (& I'm not rich or anything like that)
That's the only thing I believe's really helped me

Anyway believe in yourself you can do this keep going x

 

[professseur]

I agree with laCster, that kratom may be a good shot for helping taper you off. It isn't a strong opiate, probably on par with codeine, but it is cheap if you buy a bunch of it. Even if you need to stay on it for a while after switching just to maintain, it doesn't interfere much with functioning and work and when you are ready to kick the kratom, the withdrawals are much shorter and less intense than suboxone (from what I have heard, never used it). It might at least help get you to sleep a bit so you can distance yourself from scoring more drugs

 

[southeast]

I don't the idea of going through any withdrawals again at all. I'm not so sure about kratom yet... But I went through 9 days of hell from 2 years on a lot of heroin.