Need opinions.

[8L4YN3]

Okay this is what happened.

I have a girlfriend who is 26, pregnant, non-drug user. She has a history of cutting, and I'm not talking attention seeking wrist scratches i'm talking stitches requiring deep gashes on her thighs out of sight.

Anyways tonight we had an argument, that is kinda irrelevant, at the end of this argument after i had been ignoring her million calls, via txt she threatens suicide. Said she's going to do it right then and there. She sends another txt telling me i better call an ambulance.

So obviously i txt back a nice message basically begging her not to do that, that i love her A LOT ect, she ignores me, she ignores the next 10 calls i make to her phone. I gave her a good 15 minutes of txts begging her to reply so i know shes okay, i told her i was scared and would seriously do what she said and call the ambulance, i fucking begged her. I tried, i sent one final txt explaining my fear for her well being, and that im going to call the medics because i'm scared, i explained it to her that she needs to convince me shes safe, i told her im making one more call, and if you ignore it im going to have to assume you've hurt yourself as i completely believe shes capable of this. I make the call and she doesn't answer, rings out just like every other call i made.

So in my mind i had no choice. I was scared and confused. I called them. They came to her house and obviously embarrassed her and it was in front of her mother, so obviously awkward, at 10:30pm at night you know.

Anyways it's been a few hours since then she's now saying i'm basically an asshole for actually calling the medics, like i did it just to get at her or something which really fucking hurts me. Basically she takes no responsibility for this and it's my fault.

I'm starting to doubt myself, see in my mind, i think i did the right thing. I was concerned for her safety, i gave her every chance to stop me from calling them if she wasn't serious. How is this my fault? What did i do wrong? I was genuinely scared for her safety.

I want to know other people's opinions. How do other people see this situation i need some perspective here.

 

[spork]

You definitely did the right thing here. Suicide threads should always be taken seriously, especially when you get no response from calls and texts. Also, you not only have to worry about her but also your child in this situation. Is she in therapy or anything for the self harm? I really hope that she now will take into consideration how serious it is to make threats like that. You're a good person for calling the ambulance, don't doubt yourself please.

 

[twato]

I completely agree, I would have done the same in your position. Suicide is no joke, she should be grateful that you care this much, which I'm sure she will be once there's some distance to the event. Don't worry, it'll be fine, you were absolutely within the logical and emotional right here.

 

[LilbabiC]

You did the right thing. Maybe you should urge her to seek professional help.

 

[michael]

i might have tried calling the mother first but i think you know that you did the right thing. i also think that your girlfriend needs some professional help.

 

[herbavore]

Of course you did the right thing! Your girlfriend could be in for serious problems as her pregnancy progresses and her hormones start to fluctuate. She really, really needs help and getting started before a baby arrives in her life seems crucial. Is she close to her mother? Are you? Maybe you could talk to her mother and tell her that you are not only worried for your girlfriend but for your child (I just made the assumption that it is your child--hope that's correct).

Good luck and don't feel bad for calling---there was no other choice.

 

[RedLeader]

She was probably trying to call your bluff, possibly holding the "You mean you were just going to let me kill myself?" card for later on if she wanted to continue to argue. You did the best thing you could do, the action any caring and concerned boyfriend would probably have done. I think she's fairly closed off to just how serious she allowed the situation to escalate, and is probably trying to shift her own dark feelings for herself onto others as a way for her to cope with her mental pain. The situation was awkward, yes, but it's over and the history cannot change. Honestly, every probable outcome here would have been awkward, if not tragic, so don't stress too much about having made the situation worse. Again, you did the best that you could when I'm sure you were under a ton of pressure and struggling to think clearly about everything. Don't beat yourself up over it, that's not going to help anybody. Just try and focus on what comes next.

It sounds like she really needs some help - if not for herself, then for the life that she's about to bring into this world. I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you the father? If so, then you're going to need to be very strong over the upcoming months. I'm not doubting you, no. I'm just trying to give you the encouragement you need to make the best impression on that child as you can.

She actually reminds me a bit of one of my good female friends. This friend was not in good shape when she got pregnant. She'd hurt herself in this same way, but was also drinking daily and smoking a variety of things. Well long story short, as soon as she gave birth and got to know her baby, she did a complete 180. She loved that baby from the first minute (after hating the pregnancy) and is now (a year later) one of the happiest people I know. I tell her how amazed I am by her all the time. Her child's father played an important role early on, and I think this helped a lot. I guess I'm just telling you this to give you some hope that things can change and can get better. Just stay strong and keep being there for her.

I wish you two(/three) the best of happiness!

 

[dogsoldier]

You did the right thing alright. Sounds like she definitly needs some sort of counselling/therepy.. I would have done the same thing in your situation..

 

[gingervitus]

You without a doubt did the right thing man. I mean, I know sometimes people really over do it with suicide threats but when she straight up told you to call the ambulance and she didn't answer your attempts to communicate with her (even your warning that if she didn't answer you were going to call the medics) then it's her problem. Just because she's depressed doesn't mean she gets to project all her mistakes onto you, hell man, she should be happy to have such a caring boyfriend. But, in all honesty, you really did the right thing.

 

[tokenname]

She was probably trying to call your bluff, possibly holding the "You mean you were just going to let me kill myself?" card for later on if she wanted to continue to argue. You did the best thing you could do, the action any caring and concerned boyfriend would probably have done. I think she's fairly closed off to just how serious she allowed the situation to escalate, and is probably trying to shift her own dark feelings for herself onto others as a way for her to cope with her mental pain. The situation was awkward, yes, but it's over and the history cannot change. Honestly, every probable outcome here would have been awkward, if not tragic, so don't stress too much about having made the situation worse. Again, you did the best that you could when I'm sure you were under a ton of pressure and struggling to think clearly about everything. Don't beat yourself up over it, that's not going to help anybody. Just try and focus on what comes next.

It sounds like she really needs some help - if not for herself, then for the life that she's about to bring into this world. I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you the father? If so, then you're going to need to be very strong over the upcoming months. I'm not doubting you, no. I'm just trying to give you the encouragement you need to make the best impression on that child as you can.

She actually reminds me a bit of one of my good female friends. This friend was not in good shape when she got pregnant. She'd hurt herself in this same way, but was also drinking daily and smoking a variety of things. Well long story short, as soon as she gave birth and got to know her baby, she did a complete 180. She loved that baby from the first minute (after hating the pregnancy) and is now (a year later) one of the happiest people I know. I tell her how amazed I am by her all the time. Her child's father played an important role early on, and I think this helped a lot. I guess I'm just telling you this to give you some hope that things can change and can get better. Just stay strong and keep being there for her.

I wish you two(/three) the best of happiness!

+1.. great post!

if the situation were reversed..and you'd make the same threats..
and then left her hanging not knowing whether you were alive or not..
how would you feel if she called the ambulance?
no doubt, you'd look at the intentions behind it..yes?
she sounds like she definitely is immature and is also in need of professional help.

GL.
token

 

[silvercrimson]

You definatley did the right thing no doubt about it

 

[DooMMooD]

I would honestly cut all ties with this person.

When youre getting stressed out over doing the RIGHT THING TO SAVE THEIR LIFE, and DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING....

yeah they got problems, and they are going to bring you down with them. They are going to twist your conscience in a way that makes you question whether calling 911 in that situation is right?

I'll tell you this: it was right. You did the right thing.

This person is going to stress you out further and possibly hurt you by hurting themselves. As much as you may care for them, you dont deserve to suffer that, nor do you deserve to suffer for DOING THE RIGHT THING!

Youd did the right thing, 100%. Dont question that. And honestly? Drop them. Theyre going to guilt trip you for.....GUILT TRIPPING YOU INTO CALLING THE AMBULANCE? Fuck them.

And If it is your kid and you cannot drop them like theyre hot....my utmost sympathies. Raising that kid is going to be a hell of a time with a person like that. Protect that kid because it sounds like theyre the type of person who will manipulate anyone and everything for their own selfish ends. And this will include their child, as fucked up as that sounds, people DO manipulate/use their children for their own selfish needs, ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Dont let them do that to your kid.

If it aint your kid? I wouldn't touch that situation with a 10 foot pole. Only going to make your life harder/worse by continuing 'to fux wit dat'.

Sounds harsh but your life is going to suffer immensely if you keep this person around, take my word on that one. And this childs life is fucked if that mother stays around: take the kid and run. She will be using this kid as a pawn to get at you until she dies.

 

[BHPaperstacks]

Dude YOU KNOW you did the RIGHT thing! Seriously that cunt is obviously not mature enough to be on your level. Throw up Westside and bounce. That cunt is drama way beyond worth dealing with. She needs to prove to you that she is not the asshole, the second you comprimise that truth the bitch will walk all over you. Talk to her dumb bitch friends about it, they'll have no choice but to agree with you without feeling like complete pieces of shit. If you cant make her feel guilty about it maybe they can.

 

[stardust.hero]

You did the right thing. What she did was controlling and manipulative, and frankly not something you joke about at all. Especially with an unborn child in her stomach no less. Do not feel guilty, and do not allow her to manipulate you like this. This way of acting becomes very toxic for the receiver after a while. It will not be healthy for you mentally for very long to constantly deal with situations similar to this that will arise.

Goodluck to you .

 

[Where Wolf?]

I would honestly cut all ties with this person.

When youre getting stressed out over doing the RIGHT THING TO SAVE THEIR LIFE, and DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING....

yeah they got problems, and they are going to bring you down with them. They are going to twist your conscience in a way that makes you question whether calling 911 in that situation is right?

I'll tell you this: it was right. You did the right thing.

This person is going to stress you out further and possibly hurt you by hurting themselves. As much as you may care for them, you dont deserve to suffer that, nor do you deserve to suffer for DOING THE RIGHT THING!

Youd did the right thing, 100%. Dont question that. And honestly? Drop them. Theyre going to guilt trip you for.....GUILT TRIPPING YOU INTO CALLING THE AMBULANCE? Fuck them.

And If it is your kid and you cannot drop them like theyre hot....my utmost sympathies. Raising that kid is going to be a hell of a time with a person like that. Protect that kid because it sounds like theyre the type of person who will manipulate anyone and everything for their own selfish ends. And this will include their child, as fucked up as that sounds, people DO manipulate/use their children for their own selfish needs, ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Dont let them do that to your kid.

If it aint your kid? I wouldn't touch that situation with a 10 foot pole. Only going to make your life harder/worse by continuing 'to fux wit dat'.

Sounds harsh but your life is going to suffer immensely if you keep this person around, take my word on that one. And this childs life is fucked if that mother stays around: take the kid and run. She will be using this kid as a pawn to get at you until she dies.

Hate to say it, but the above rings true. Manipulative/aggressive suicide threats are something I've faced from a number of people, one of whom had been correctly diagnosed with BPD, and she pulled shit like live Skype suicide attempts and constant threats, then freaked at me when (we live in different countries, so I couldn't take direct action), I called her landlord and said 'get the Ambulance' after she'd popped an OD of anti-psychotics and benzos with vodka and half a bottle of bleach. It was almost a kind of suicide porn, on her part, and while I know she couldn't help herself, it was impossible to live with - I try to save her life, she's furious with me. It sounds like your G/F may well be suffering from BPD or the like, and that's a very tough complex of involuntary emotional cruelty and manipulation to deal with. If she keeps playing the suicide card, you probably need to get out and get custody of the child: mom, dad, baby plus a serious personality disorder is an explosive unit. She definately needs to get professional help - if she's too sick to acknowledge that and take action, then you've got some damn tough choices ahead of you. I wish you luck and wisdom in facing them - it's terrible to think about leaving the mother-to-be of your child, but worse still to think of the effect she could have on the kid. And treatment of that kind of self-harming/suicide-manipulation personality disorder isn't what you'd call reliable at the best of times. Be strong, be wise, and ruthless with yourself: if things can't change, you may need to face the fact and spare yourself and your kid a lifetime of manipulation and damaging trauma.

 

[missmegandelaney]

I think you did the right thing.
Even if one of my friends even start talking about offing themselves I'll take them to the hospital.
It's not something to use as a way to get attention, many people just want attention and very few
actually will go through with that they say they are going to do to themselves, but there are always those
people who mean what they say. So you can't take a risk.

If a boyfriend ever played that card on me, I WOULD have called them and then said I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that doesn't even love themself.