Yea, I'm trying to take as little as possible. Nothing for the last 2 days. Starting to get slight skin-crawling/rls but I'm gonna wait it out till I get home, have a glass of wine, smoke a fat blunt and take some xanax for sleep tonight. Really trying to hold off on any sub. I've done it before and I'll do it again. I had myself SO freaked out with withdrawals this time around but I'm feeling pretty good. This shit really is all in your head, for the most part. Just knowing if I do feel like running into traffic cuz I'm dying, I have 1 1/2 subs to save me. In a week whatever is left I'm giving away I don't want shit in my house.
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Need Hope, Help and a Plan
- Thread starter beezkneez
- Start date
Did really good since Saturday and fucked up again today. Disappointed with myself. I have no self control around them and apparently can NOT deal with stress. My world is literally crumbling and even if I quit using it's still gonna suck. My landlord is in love with me and I can't stand him. I have the risk of being jumped any minute because I was robbed a few months ago and owe money. I'm pretty much screwed and I fucked up again. Tomorrow I will take a small piece of sub so I can't get high and start over. I will not allow myself to become a failure again and again. I just wish I had support. I feel like a fucking baby but it's so hard keeping and fighting this secret when I have so much to lose if anyone finds out. I just don't know how I'm going to keep myself clean with all these stressful situations and shit is literally about to go down and I will not be able to control it.....I'm going to lose my boyfriend and that scares me the most, but I don't think he even really likes me. He just likes me for the convenience of having my shit together (on the outside, LOL) I love him so much and if he found out he would for sure leave me. But it is his support that I need. He doesn't use (thank God) so he would totally flip out..... I'm screwed. But I will try and that's all I can do. I just wish I knew what to do I'm trying so hard and then I fall because other people are ruining my life. I definitely own my part in this but so many things are against me. I'm just alone and its gonna kill me.
Today.. beez you need to stay in today.. all this speculation and worry about what may, could, might happen will drive you nuts and add to the probability that it will. Don't be disappointed with your self.. your moving forward and doing good. keep moving forward beez an d dont worry about all this stuff you dont control. Your doing good Keep at it beez