I am 32 years old and have been addicted to opiates since high school. In HS it was mostly pills but then progressed to H and has been mostly that ever since. After about a year of using H I was able to stay clean off of all drugs for 2 years by going to NA meetings. Since then for the past 8 years I have been using H on and off. For the past 4 years I have been on subs and I have only used once every 1-2 months. But when I do use it is a 1 or 2 day binge and I regret it a lot afterwards. Also in the past year I have been mixing crack with the H when I use every 1-2 months. I feel disgusted about this. I just want to get better but I do not know how and I feel like I am stuck in this rut that I can not get out of. I graduated from university and have had the same full time job for the past 4 years. Things are ok at work I make decent money and get on well with my co-workers. My performance does suffer though from these binges every couple months. I want to get off the subs. I currently take 1mg per day. I am going to try to get down to .25 then jump. I am sorry if this post is all over the place. I am just writing this because I have a really hard time discussing these issues with in person with people. Any support, personal experiences or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
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- Thread starter test2a
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EnlightenedOne1
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 22, 2015
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First off, please consider that tapering/withdrawaling from Suboxone is utter hell! IMO and IME it's actually worse than detoxing from the opiate is was Rx'ed for..If you taper, do it SLOWLY. You were clean for 2 years, so you have it in you to do it again but don't jump off the sub too fast.
Thanks for the reply. I am slowly going to try and go as low as possible and jump. I have old scripts of tramadol and clonidine that will hopefully help a little bit.
I think it just helps just typing this / talking about it online. The only people I have in my life are my immediate family and g/f but neither of them understands what any of this is like so I can't really talk to them. Other than that I don't really have any friends. I have lost touch with them all over the years because of my anxiety / issues. I guess it is good to just talk to people who know what this is like.
I think it just helps just typing this / talking about it online. The only people I have in my life are my immediate family and g/f but neither of them understands what any of this is like so I can't really talk to them. Other than that I don't really have any friends. I have lost touch with them all over the years because of my anxiety / issues. I guess it is good to just talk to people who know what this is like.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Hey test2a, it's great that are feeling the determination to see this through. Have you been trying anything to address the anxiety? I truly believe that addressing that will make everything easier when it comes to the suffering inherent in PAWS; but even more important, after PAWS if the same underlying issue is still causing pain you are vulnerable to looking for some other means of self-medicating.
I hope you will mine the recovery forums for support as much as possible. In Sober Living the daily check in available in this thread can help you
In Mental Health there are many threads about dealing with Anxiety and in both TDS and SL there are threads with Mindfulness resources (a powerful tool in my own life for overcoming anxiety).
Do you think that your family wants to understand more? I have never been an addict but my son was and I wish that I had been more educated about it. Since his death I have made it a mission to read everything I can and to counter a lot of the ignorance that gets casually reinforced about addiction. Reducing the stigma and shame is very important to me. One thing I know for sure is that there is always pain underneath addiction. It is so hard to be compassionate to yourself when you are in pain and blaming yourself at the same time.
Again, sincere congratulations on undertaking such a profound journey. Taking it slow is smart.
I hope you will mine the recovery forums for support as much as possible. In Sober Living the daily check in available in this thread can help you
In Mental Health there are many threads about dealing with Anxiety and in both TDS and SL there are threads with Mindfulness resources (a powerful tool in my own life for overcoming anxiety).
Do you think that your family wants to understand more? I have never been an addict but my son was and I wish that I had been more educated about it. Since his death I have made it a mission to read everything I can and to counter a lot of the ignorance that gets casually reinforced about addiction. Reducing the stigma and shame is very important to me. One thing I know for sure is that there is always pain underneath addiction. It is so hard to be compassionate to yourself when you are in pain and blaming yourself at the same time.
Again, sincere congratulations on undertaking such a profound journey. Taking it slow is smart.
manboychef
Bluelighter
test2a I feel for you my friend. I was the same way. I was a very talented chef and was respected in my field, but I was also an addict. I have depression and anxiety problems as well, and I also tend to isolate.
One thing that has been extremely helpful for me is, as herbavore stated, addressing my anxiety problems and depression in a healthy manner with both medication and therapy. Just keep in your mind that it takes a while to change. Small changes will be your second best friend, where your best friend is actually opening up, being honest, and talking through your feelings.
PM if you ever need someone to chat with.
One thing that has been extremely helpful for me is, as herbavore stated, addressing my anxiety problems and depression in a healthy manner with both medication and therapy. Just keep in your mind that it takes a while to change. Small changes will be your second best friend, where your best friend is actually opening up, being honest, and talking through your feelings.
PM if you ever need someone to chat with.