• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

need help...

D

dnb2012

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2012
Messages
55
Location
some where
feel free to move if in wrong place
over the last few years i have found self sort off addicted to drugs. which in time is now starting to screw me... i am not 100 percent happy these days unless i am 'up'. i started when i was about 16 smoking weed... started of every now and then as it does the got regular like a routine. i sort of managed to get out of that routine found a woman had a kid got tangled one night and and i od on paracetmol (1st time. one day a friend rang me up and said i have something stronge then weed for you try i had said okay what he said coke which i tried and loved it! got addcited to it taking everyday.. accept over time it was sending crazy. one night i took about a gram and bottle of southern comfort which but me on a downer, and rememeber thinking why i am here whats the point in life? its shit! so i ate 29 paracetmol one after the other. i managed to come out okay so to speak. but now 2/3 years on i have fought an addicticion with phet... sort of won but still take it every now and then. i found my self if with X luckly its hard to by were i live... and now just recent have been taking m-cat. if not that then benzos RC ones epi (cant spell the word sorry guys).
so not to get to the point me and my other half had a massive arguement because i have a short temper. because drugs have messed me i find my self depressed and laying in bed at time sometimes thinking 'what if wasnt here how much easier would life be' stupid eh? but to me its serious. only reason why i havnt done anything is one because if i want um i have benzos to fall back on to which then make everything okay and too i got a 7month old sone (my lil soulja ) i have a six year old daughter a ten year old daughter and a great misses... perfect life eh? so why do i find self thinking these things...? and now to make things even worst i want to lsd! prob not clever as its a phsycerdelic drug but need to try it!
my misses and i have spoke about this and think maybe its depression because of the drugs in the past have fucked me up. mess my seriton levels up.
should prob have to go to docs but what geussed they will just look at me and tell to go away and grow up. dont know what i would achieve by going because maybe the give some anti-depressent and anti-pyhscotics and sleeping tabs. but then what? what if i find my self addcited to them?
geuss the reasons for writing on here is i no i will get some wise words of some wise people but i realy have found my self trapped in a corner.

thanks for any input guys willl appericiate it... (sorry for all the bad spelling mistakes spelling not strong point in life lol)
 
you realize you stated u dont off yourself because:

1-you have benzos to take.
2-you have a beautiful baby and 2 other children and a wife who loves you.

and then you said you want to take lsd.

sounds like you may have your priorities a little bit out of whack... what with benzos coming before your family and all. lol

I chuckle because i can completely relate to/ understand/ empathize with such a dramatically off kilter values system, because i've been there myself.

Addiction specialist is a fantastic idea, dont know where you're at but i think you'd benefit significantly from an AA or NA meeting as well. You, my friend, are in need of a dramatic overhaulling of thought processes, value systems, and priorities. Some in those silly meetings would call changing all of that a spiritual experience... thats what i had.

I mean for me thats the *good shit.* I never went to a bar and said let me get some watered down Well vodka...I wanted Stoli or Goose. I never asked the guy at the club for some dxm/vitamins/whatever else trash - i wanted that triple stack mitsubishi banger. I never went to the dopeman and asked for some really stepped on garbage, i wanted that FIRE shit that cats were ODing on. So if you do go to a meeting, please get the good shit.
 
Oh yeah ano I got my priotries all wrong seems to be my problem. The benzos I have are hidden from me my misses will only give me as when she thinks I am propa down and thinking about the worst.
How do you go about the AA meetings? I have got an appointment with my gp on wed. Yeah they are the reasons why I don't do pet to my self but the thing with lsd if a can get it a want it. And I can get it but fighting the urge to get it. All see what the quakes say when a go there abs go from there.
 
dnb2012 said:
Oh yeah ano I got my priotries all wrong seems to be my problem. The benzos I have are hidden from me my misses will only give me as when she thinks I am propa down and thinking about the worst.
How do you go about the AA meetings? I have got an appointment with my gp on wed. Yeah they are the reasons why I don't do pet to my self but the thing with lsd if a can get it a want it. And I can get it but fighting the urge to get it. All see what the quakes say when a go there abs go from there.
Click to expand...

Just google for 'AA meetings in X', X being your area, or possibly NA (Narcotics Anonymous), and something should turn up. The 12-step programme's not for everyone, but I have a hunch it might just work for you. All you do is find a meeting, show up, listen, and speak when you're moved to: no fees and no judgement in those rooms, they can be great places to break out of static addictive patterns by learning from others who've been trapped in them. Good luck!
 
Different meetings are different. find one you like. a good meeting should make you feel invited and welcome, as the principles of the program center around support of the new person. ultimately you'll want to find a sponsor, someone to bounce ideas off, because in the fledgling phases of recovery - our mind's can be so warped, and perceptions significantly out of reality - that someone who has been through it before will provide an unbiased perspective of how best to proceed. Then, of course, you should ask for direction to working the steps which are specifically designated to prompt a "spiritual experience" or "personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism." Problems will not magically disappear, life will still be life. The change in perception, freedom from alcoholic/drug addicted despair, and new lease on/purpose for living is well worth the time invested in the process of self discovery. It doesn't happen magically or instantaneously, there is no elixir or formulation for a perfect life... it does provide a guide for living, that is extremely simple/ realistic, but seems unattainable when in the depths of alcoholic destruction
 
dnb2012 said:
Im going to see some one just scared to. Don't really know what am scared off but I am.
Click to expand...

There is no reason for you to be afraid of talking to a psychologist or therapist of some kind. Just remember that there is nothing expected of you--you are there for one reason and that is to understand what it is that is causing you pain and confusion in your life so you can begin the process of sorting it out. It is a process and it won't happen immediately but a good counselor can be very helpful.

As far as taking LSD, that sounds like a terrible idea right now. It sounds like you already know this so listen to your own wisdom talking and resist the urge. Go to a meeting, talk to your doctor (GP) for a referral for a good psychologist or therapist and work on getting control of your life.Good luck. <3
 
hey guys, thank you for all your support on here and its helped me get me priorities right. i manned up face fears of going to the doctors. (just incase you wonder about my fears of the doctors its because i went before trying to explain to them about my depression and they basically told me im an idiot and to change my routine in life hich i tried but didnt work) so any way i went to the doctors laid in down on the table i told him everything how i sometimes think i wish i was dead told him about the drugs and how i have stayed clean for about six weeks (roughly) i told him since iv stopped taking them then its make me think worst... he asked why i did drugs in the first place and i told him it was because it was offered me and i cant say no (to just about any drug eg. heroin and crack wont touch them) he told me i do have sever depression. he has but me on a course of citalopram 20mg for 28 days to start off with if they dont work he will up the doze. he has also reffered me to an alcoholic and drugs councler to help me come to the route off my problems because all though drugs have played a big part init just dont think i can blame it all on drugs?
any way thanks again guys
 
dnb, that is GREAT news! I think that if you continue to work with whatever counselors you see, both for addiction and for the depression underneath it, you will be in a much better place. I am so relieved to hear this.:)<3
 
The citalopram has Really helped me in the past and I hope it helps you as well. Going to the dr and being honest had to be really hard, so good on you. That's great news, and now you can start to heal. Good luck my friend, hang in there when it gets rough
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top