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need help with cocaine ,bad company friends and relapse

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pinkblade

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 1, 2017
Messages
6
I am currently kicking myself... i went to the hyatt hotel did a gram of cocaine...and totally looking like a granny ....my looks are suffering cause of use....its been a two year saga on and off....longest time clean in the 2 years is nine months.....i lost a baby.. a 5 mth year old....and had ptsd....problem is most friends i have do coke(wasnt like that before) and it took just one of them to offer and im gone back on the bender...the worst was i was in my hotel room...looking for cocaine on the floor...i started back two and a half weeks and my body is banged up...i even think my tits deflated and my face is bloated with sunken eyess!! Im soo ugly..alone single......the thing is i do have a good job but this using could make me loose it......
 
I know exactly how you feel, especially about friends using and offering you stuff. I could never say no when it was offered to me, didn't matter how long I had been up or what condition I was in. You have a good job and that is huge, a very positive thing in your life that you could use to feed yourself more positive energy and thoughts. I did coke for many years and my use and abuse caused me to eventually lose multiple good jobs. Try to take some time for yourself so you can recharge and reset and get your thoughts in order. If your friends always want to use you might want to consider taking a break from them. I know it's extremely tough to do so but if you keep hanging around them things might get progressively worse. Try to take some time off from the coke, eat some good food and relax. And SLEEP, sleep is so important to our bodies. So I wish you well and the best of luck. Take care of yourself!
 
Thank u sooo much for understandingg...im currently eating a yogurt and i tried to exercise yesterday its been 3 days and i am still out of it...ill try even more sleep ..
 
Hey has it been 3 days since you last used coke? If so that's a great first step. I know it sounds cliche but it really is just one day at a time. Also consider some OTC sleep aids like melatonin, valarian root, St. John's wort etc. I have extremely bad insomnia and those did tend to help from time to time surprisingly. How are you feeling though? Are you happy that you have had a couple days off or are you still thinking about using? Don't feel bad if you do, I quit cocaine back in 2009 and I still think about. Also exercising is one of the best remedies that you can do, it's also one of the hardest to start and keep it going consistently. So good for you if you made the attempt. Even just going for a walk or some simple push ups and sit ups can make a huge difference in how you feel. I couldn't for the life of me keep a consistent work out schedule but when I did exercise it felt wonderful and it helped me fall asleep and stay asleep. So try to keep eating as healthy as you can and stay positive, keep as much positive energy as you can around you. So I hope you will be well and keep on moving forward, I will be happy to help in anyway I can. Hang in there!
 
I had a craving today, but its when I saw the mirror I looked soo drained...I went in work and they all saying I looked drain, my face is breaking out today and I'm looking a bit swollen or bloated in the face, my body is a bit weak looking tooo.............and my eyes are puffy dark and tired..... its been since last Friday and I'm yet to start looking liking me....I'm almost embrassed. I took the St. John wort just now...went and ran to the pharmacy and literally bought every vitamin bottle on the aisle(I'm panicking) and a liver detox..........I then bought a carrot juice and a ginger(eck) juice...... I'm looking at other girls on the street my age and I look like a dried out bag next to them... they look plump and nice......... I suppose I'm going through low self esteem with my physical look atm..... I hope I look better soonn..... I also got into a sauna yesterday.........I literally smelt the chemical in my sweat...... and this is just powder cocaine and alcohol!!!!!!!!!!!! .............. I also ran on one cardio machine and I was burnt out in 15mins could not do more left the gym and still crawling into any bed I could find
 
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