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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Need help from the wise EADD folk! How dyou deal with a narcicist pathological liar?

Smoky said:
She seems jealous and can't face the loss of losing him, so she is blaming you… seemingly. What type of relationship did they have as children?
Did they spend a lot of time together? She is comparing you to her? This is not healthy and needs to be addressed, She needs help.
Luckily the father seems to understand, but she will be in your life unfortunately one way or another. This sounds very problematic. I am sorry you are in this place.
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I am also sorry that you have to go through all of this and agree that this matter must be addressed.

I wonder how much more your life could be spoiled after you get married.
How much more of a retaliation would this person be willing to do? She's definitely afraid of losing you IMO.

Try to imagine for how long a healthy couple like yours can support such inadequacy.
If her father is aware of this so is your fiancé, don't you think it's time for an intervention?
If not how could you both, as a couple, move on?

I imagine that she's is going to evolve in her efforts to hurt you.
Whatever you decide, I wish you both good luck!
 
So true, hurting people hurt others sometimes (unfortunately) to attempt to lighten their own suffering. This is a backwards way to deal with pain/loss/denial and rather victimizing but people do it. Toxic energy is no fun to be around… and you don't have to live with it near you.
 
Pagey, I've sent you a PM - but for ANYONE doing a Masters degree, you need to put YOURSELF first n EMILIMATE any other problems, addiction, whatever.... if you've a chance at a masters degree PLEASE grab it with everything you've got. Because a Masters is a whole higher level than bachelors degree, it's incredibly difficult. I was getting 70s in my degree, 30s in my Masters.... This is why I'm suggesting to focus on YOU more. As most here know I started a masters degree but due to financial problems, as a result of my addiction n irresponsibility, I had to quit. I DO NOT wish this on others. anyone in this position please PM me if you wish..... my advice is to PUT YOURSELF FIRST..... Fighting addiction will be the HARDEST THING YOU'VE EVER FACED..... BUT YOU """"CAN"""" DO IT..... You need "support" from whenever you can get it.

Sorry, Pagey, for going off-topic.

Evey
 
everything that shammy said really i agree with, sometimes though and i know where pagey and mrcientist are coming from there are certain people (women more so than men but men also have been known for it) hell bent on getting revenge or ruining someones happiness (ultimately she will be hurting her brother here and has obviously upset yous both alot) you really need to force the girl E and have a heart to heart discussion (joke)!

joking aside, i really think shambles and what stee are saying holds alot of truth, sometimes u just have to sit down and let them think they have the upper hand, when in reality, whatever she says or does will not come between yous, make sure you dont look as if you are letting her bother you, as stupid as it sounds, she will grow out of it, get tired, realise that you are good for her brother.

Just ignore what she says to your friends, if there is a family do, make sure you make mininmal talk and keep a happy face (nothing winds up someone more than seeing people happy) ..

i personally think the girl has some underlying issues and needs them addressing , but for the mean time i would keep contact to a minimal, get on with your lives, and as evey says pagey if your doing a masters degree make sure you have 100% concentration motivation towards that,

peace and love to the both of yous, hopefully she realises that yous are happy and in the end accepts yous, but if she doesnt, then she simply hasn't grasped the fundementals of life as some people would say

also let her know nothing she does will come betweem yous her bf will either be a bitch and carry on letting her wear the pants or he will realise it and stand up for him self and walk away or resolve it with her. im sorry but she sounds like my ex lol
 
Shambles said:
Compleltely ignore and avoid her? I do with more or less all my close family members. Problem solved.
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Probably my only advice too! I dealt with someone similar just before I moved away from my parents, I cut him out of my life because he was abusive, controlling, possessive, really fucking weird and I was starting to get kinda creepy vibes off him so I sent him an email explaining why and then cut all contact. He wasn't as bad as the sister you're describing but it was starting to make my life absolutely miserable. He did indeed reach out to my friends the second I told him to do one by emailing them and telling them he was worried about my mental illness and drug abuse (no drug use at the time bar weed) and started sending letters to my parents. Actual real honest to god letters with horizontal, vertical, and diagonal writing in different colours. I was genuinely pretty scared but my friends realised he was mad and I wasn't (much of) a dick, and my parents have obviously known me for years and looked out for me til he fucked off. Apparently he emailed my ex for quite a while before he realised she wasn't going to tell him shit that had grounding in reality. So yeah the contacting other people sucks buuuuut the whole cliche thing about true friends knowing what's what rang true.

So yeah if the future sister in law is an attention seeking dick, and I'd say 'no offence' here to MrS but he seems to feel the same as you do, she's likely to try and cause shit yeah, but she's also likely to get bored if it's just for attention. Just don't respond to any of it and don't give in, I guess. Let her know you're finished with it all and then don't contact her. She'll drift off to ruin someone else's day eventually. Would be more helpful if the rest of the family know what she's like too. But yeah that sucks, really feel for you especially given how you described her attack on her boyfriend and how she derided gang rape and compared it to something innocuous, fucking hell :(
 
As much as I would try to rise above it or ignore it, you guys are obviously not in a position to be able to do that. Is it possible to have a family meeting both of you with her, her parents, and maybe a couple of your friends or family as well so it is balanced and try and have a reasonable discussion to air problems from both sides to see if something can be worked out, if not I can not really think of anything else. I was in a relationship that did get pretty serious about 10 years ago and I called it all off because of his wee haddock slapper of a brother kept causing problems, his parents would not believe anything we said as he was perfect being the baby, but I ended up ignoring him and all family on his side due to the shit. Maybe hubby to be can say something like if we can not sort this out then I will have to take a break from our relationship whilst I try and make sure the person I want to spend the rest of my life with have time to get over what has happened??? sorry if this is not helping best I can offer, hope you sort it out and find away, if not sod them run off together get married in the caribbean and send them post cards of what they have missed :)
 
Hi guys, first off mrcientist and I wanna say a huge thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply. Unfortunately since the OP the situation has gotten a lot worse (through no fault of our own and i might explain amother time when im not on a phone - suffice to say having tried to not get everyone involved.... Everyone got involved). Sooo we've taken everyone's advice into consideration plus after the more recent events, we've decided to not only block his sister out of our lives, but sadly his entire family, pending some sort of massive gesture (they made a lot of racist and sexist remarks amongst others). So personally I've blocked them all on facebook as well as my phone and mrc is just not communicating with them. Hopefully they wont try to open up any communication soon. The wedding will go on as planned. It's a shame this had to happen but as lots of you rightly pointed out, best keep our distance :/
Will keep you updated if anything major happens that we need advice on. Thanks again EADD <3
 
pagey, this is awful to read but life is too short to waste cycles on energy vampires like this. i think you've done the right thing, fwiw.

alasdair
 
Pagey said:
Hi guys, first off mrcientist and I wanna say a huge thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply. Unfortunately since the OP the situation has gotten a lot worse (through no fault of our own and i might explain amother time when im not on a phone - suffice to say having tried to not get everyone involved.... Everyone got involved). Sooo we've taken everyone's advice into consideration plus after the more recent events, we've decided to not only block his sister out of our lives, but sadly his entire family, pending some sort of massive gesture (they made a lot of racist and sexist remarks amongst others). So personally I've blocked them all on facebook as well as my phone and mrc is just not communicating with them. Hopefully they wont try to open up any communication soon. The wedding will go on as planned. It's a shame this had to happen but as lots of you rightly pointed out, best keep our distance :/
Will keep you updated if anything major happens that we need advice on. Thanks again EADD <3
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Sorry to hear this. How is MrScientist feeling? It must be awful cutting off his family. A similar sitation happened with my parents n my Dad's family (long story) n it does it cause problems. Sorry it's come to this n I wish you both every success with the wedding n in your future together.

Evey
 
^'Not too bad really, given the circumstances and the way my family behaved' are his exact words Evey. As F.U.B.A.R put it, you can't choose your family and he's doing a remarkable job prioritising the people that do matter :)
Thanks for the confirmation ali, always good to read.

<3
 
Hello pagey - Devils advocate - You shouldn't have texted her boyfriend advising him to stay away that made what has happened fair game. From lurking and reading over the last few years back you seem to live on the edge so maybe she has caused to be concerned for her brother. I don't see it all ending well for you both without some comprise. I would say you would be better off not revealing details about the past trauma to his family best kept private.

All the best to you both
 
Joes, I basically said that - because when it comes to domestic sbuse it needs to be handled a certain way. Feel free to tell me to **** off here as I've never been in a physically abusive relationship only a psycologically abusive one. But from my counselling training n specific forums, I've sleays been told the situation needs to be addressed extremely carefully, for obvious reasons. For instance (sorry if im repeating myself) she msy have had his phone, she could be controlling / brainwashing him, he may be scared of another beating, he may have received another beating as a consequence of your text.

Not having a go just really writing this for any lurkers / members in a similar situation. If you're concerned for someone in an abusive relationship seek advice from professionals to ensure your actions don't endure any parties involved. He's not a retard he's a victim in love. I actually feel sorry for him he could be feeling alone n frightened. He may be thinking, wishing, wanting her to change back to who she was when they first got together. Love changes people.

Evey
 
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