Need help for a friend

noregrets2011

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 5, 2011
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My best friend who I've known for years, we'll call him X, and I have both smoked quite a bit of weed in the past, however the occasions were often separated for a few weeks. The heaviest I think we went was when we were about 16 when we went about 2 months smoking every day and then put it down for a good few months after that. It was a summer holiday, we stopped for school.

However, X and I have now gone to separate unis. And even though we're only an hour on the train away from each other, we only see each other a couple of times a semester, gotta love a student budget.

Anyway we're now half way through our second year and X has been smoking every day at uni since he's been there. I didn't want to have to post this is the dark side, because he's not suicidal to the best of my understanding, yet there's an obvious change in character. Lately whenever we've seen each other he's been like "I can't be bothered going out" and would much rather sit at home and blaze, his tone of voice has become more mopey and mumbly, and all he ever wants to do is pick up.

If you knew the kid, you'd understand that we used to love going up town together, ever since we turned 18, getting drunk at house parties, dabbling in the odd bit of charlie or smoke from time to time, but we had the best years of our life together, now he's reluctant to do any of this.

He gets very very irritable when he's back home, because his parents and gf don't know about it, he rarely gets an opportunity to smoke. Also, he keeps insisting on us finding a country lane to pick up and then going back to his and playing xbox all night. I don't feel comfortable with him driving high and all he ever tells me is "everything will be fine". And a common saying is "All the police are going to do is give us a fine, if that".

I know it doesn't seem like much, but me and a couple of friends have tried telling him he needs to cut down. We had a big fall out over this and he hasn't spoken to me in a while. He calls me a hypocrite because I take drugs myself, yet like I said earlier, I may take a few pills in 1 weekend, but when I'm coming down I tell myself that I'm not going to do that for a while. However, he is an habitual smoker, and has often said to me when he's woken up "I can't wait to get high later" and such.

I don't want to take the piss or offend anyone who may be trying to quit or have strong addictions to whatever substance, but I personally can't let myself get into a state where I need drugs every day to make me feel normal/better, and with weed, I just hate feeling dopey after a few days of smoking it. That's why it's very hard for me to understand.

I need help as X needs to realise for himself that doing this is not good for him. He believes there's no harm in what he's doing, but all of our friendship circle has realised a change in him. He even left my birthday night out to go home and smoke on his own.

Any advice would be much appreciated, and sorry for the ball ache people have gone through having to read this. I need people who have had similar situations to help me out, and any feedback is progress. Thank you
 
How much does he care about his girlfriend? Just trying to formulate a plan here.
 
Some people do really love weed, but if there is sudden character change, there could be more going on in his life. Perhaps something happened to him or he's struggling with serious depression and the only way he can cope with it is through seclusion and smoking weed. And even so, he could just be addicted to weed. Yes it can happen, from what I've noticed (happened to me in a way), they aren't happy with how their childhoods were, and they finally found something that doesn't take a large toll on their health and above all, it makes them happy. I remember the first thoughts I had when I first got high was "I can't believe I'm actually experiencing something like this, I never have felt this way". It's important that you express his concern, and let him figure out that weed isn't the invincible drug. It won't kill you, but it will take a toll on you. I loved weed because I really hated my life. I grew out of that thankfully. It could be the same with him.
 
They've been together a long time. They broke up for a few months, and he had his moments where he was devastated. Sometimes he feels like ending it with her but he knows that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. We're only 20 but I can imagine he wants to be with her for a longer period
 
Well maybe say something along the lines of... Look how long until you can't be assed spending time with her coz that's what it's done with every other aspect of your social life, she feels neglected and therefore dumps you?

Maybe if he looked at it from that angle, he'd see what's going on?
 
It's weird cos she gives him a lot of stick, and she hate's me, in fact she hates most of his friends. She even hates his flat mates at uni. He's considered dumping her on many occasions but he doesn't have the heart to do it. Do you think he smokes so much weed to try and ignore these problems??

I'm a very forward person, and I'll probably end up just asking him "Why do you smoke so much green?" and when he gives me a generic response I'll tell him how differently he acts. Do you think this is a good idea?

Thank you to everyone who's commented, I never considered it to be down to him hiding problems. I just thought he gets bored easily at uni.
 
Well maybe say something along the lines of... Look how long until you can't be assed spending time with her coz that's what it's done with every other aspect of your social life, she feels neglected and therefore dumps you?

Maybe if he looked at it from that angle, he'd see what's going on?

And that might open him up a little bit, that's a very good idea. He's one of these people who never knows really what he wants to do in life, like whether he should be with her for ever or not. It has ended up in cheating before, but she knows nothing about. I really hope she doesn't work out who I am as well if she sees this forum
 
Nah I seriously doubt it. Me on the other hand, I stick out a bit.

I'd try my approach first, then maybe yours. And maybe he does smoke because of those issues. Weeds quite a tricky one, it's part of the drugs nature to make you not assed about socialising. Yet I know some stoners who smoke every day have for years and it doesn't affect them like that. Depends on your quirks as a person I suppose.
 
I know what you mean, I have friends who smoke an 8th plus a day and there's no change in character, they don't even function that differently on it apart from a bit more shite than what usually comes out of their mouthes.

I on the other hand, A spliff and a half and I'm slouched on a sofa finding it hard to formulate a sentence, having conversations in my head cos it's easier than actually speaking.

Weed doesn't effect everyone the same - that's why it's so hard to judge what the drawbacks are from smoking, I think side effects such as schizophrenia are dependant on whether the individual is likely to have developed mental illnesses anyway.

It's just a shame cos he used to be such a good rugby player and is doing a good degree and had so much promise, trying not to sound like a parent or anything, but he can't be bothered with any of that now. Would rather mong out eating humous and putting on weight, and I don't think he's going to finish his degree if he carries on this way. And he's got the idea that everything will be fine, but I don't want my best mate to throw his life away over a silly little herb
 
Could you maybe have a word with his tutor? I know that's a long shot as you aren't at the same Uni. And I don't mean to grass him, but to say to say look I'm his friend and I'm really concerned about him that he has withdrawn, not adjusted to Uni well and you're worried he's going to fail? It be easy enough to ring the Uni once you found out the tutors name.
 
I think I'd rather have a word with him in person first, I don't particularly want to get his uni involved, they'll try offering him counseling and stuff and I know for a fact he won't take it. Also they got caught last year for smoking in their halls so they might get a bit nosey over that.

If they're anything like my tutors as well they're very clean cut old men who probably wouldn't have the faintest clue on how to relate to drugs problems.

I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill, I feel bad as well as most people on here have much larger issues than this.

I appreciate the responses on here nonetheless, it's really helping me look at it clearly. If I try talking to my mates about it, it just ends in girly bitching as he has been a bit of a knob with it the past year or so.
 
That's how friends are though, it tends to get a bit too intense, taking a step back and gaining insight from other angles usually is the best way to go. Good luck with it anyway, let me know how it goes
 
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