mysterioussoup
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2014
- Messages
- 1
I want to hit that "reset" button in my life. I've suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life and I have a shit ton of neurological complexes and fears and social anxiety. But I'm not sure if I've done it already or not. I've done Salvia 40x two times in the past 48 hours. Once in the car with my friend, but it was terrifying and we had fucked up because we kept pulling each other back into reality by being in each other's presence. I find that I frantically try to cling to my ego and memories and identify myself in any object I am seeing while on Salvia. Both times I've felt major anxiety before taking it. It doesn't matter how long I meditate, I will still feel scared whilst hitting the bong and forgetting who I am, what I am, where I am, and what I'm doing. I wish I could STAY in that and experience complete death of ego. I'm always stuck in between two realities and the more I'm reminded of actual reality, I bring myself back every time. The second time I tried it was in my room in the dark, alone. I started at 7:20 and COMPLETELY blacked out because the last thing I remember at 7:20 was putting the bong down and counting to 30 and seeing my cousin walk in on me at 8:40. This is when my vision began to collapse inwards and everything became two-dimensional including myself. It took me a while, an eternity it seems, stuck in that fractal loop of time (of her asking me a question) in order to bring myself back. I'm frustrated because I can't remember anything before that. It's like that hour is missing from my life. I was gone, but can't remember where I went. I don't remember seeing anything. Does closing your eyes make a difference? Someone please help me experience a breakthrough. I'm thinking of ordering 100x for next weekend to try again.