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Need good advice for recovery from opiates

C

CodoneClay

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 24, 2014
Messages
7
Location
Jackson, MS
Hello all, my name is Clay and I have been a drug user for 6 years, the past 2 I would consider my addiction mostly isolated to opiates - mostly oxycodone and hydrocodone, but really any pharmaceutical opiate I can get my hands on. My story is long but I will consolidate it best I can. I am 21 years old, I went to rehab the first time when I was only 15 after a girl in high school (concerned about my well-being) told my parents I had been snorting pain killers. At the time I was just a dumb teenager, and I was snorting 10 mg hydros with not much experience using anything other than weed and alcohol (a xanax or lortab here or there). After 1st rehab, began using alcohol heavily bc parents were drug testing. This led to me drinking before school my junior year and getting expelled, going to my 1st psych ward, which led to my 1st long term treatment (9 months).

At this treatment I learned everything there is to know about the 12 steps and recovery, meetings, the whole 9 yards. I returned from this treatment a good-looking 17 year old with 50 pounds of muscle gains from working out. I was in the best shape of my life and had been sober for 9 months. I went to the meetings and got a sponsor after I got out for about 3 months, and relapsed my first day of college. It started with smoking weed and drinking, and led to using everything under the sun except for heroin and meth pretty much. I partied hard the first 2 years of college, abusing mainly alcohol and amphetamines.

After I moved to a University and on my own out of my parents house I was put in a position to sling and began making a lot of money, and had access to a couple opiate plugs that could keep my supplied to my favorite drugs pretty much all the time, and I had the cash to buy them. Over the past 2 1/2 years I have drifted away from uppers and alcohol as they wear my body out and make me feel like shit to the point the low isn't worth the high anymore. During this time I have mainly used opiates and benzos. I don't really like benzos that much and mainly have used them in attempts to quit opiates, which just leads to me being in a barred out stupor for a couple weeks that ends with terrible decisions and consequences and withdrawals worse than if I would have just quit opiates without the benzos.

Anyways, this leads me to where I am today. I use opiates whenever I can, however many I can afford. I've sold pretty much every valuable I have (tablet, playstation4, phones, etc..) to buy more opiates. I usually ask for help when I'm broken down in WD and hurting and broke, but this time I really feel it is different. I really, really, want to stop. I am asking you guys for your help! I don't know what the best way for me to stop is. Sometimes I feel like I have to quit cold turkey and get involved in AA or NA and that will be the only way. Sometimes I feel like suboxone would work & currently have an appointment for Jan 26th though I need help convincing my dad it would help me to get any financial support from him, because I can't afford it on my own. I have tried to taper with absolutely no success. If i have pills, I can't wake up and get out of bed without taking at least 30-40mg oxy/hydro to get going. When I don't have them, I accept that it's going to be a shitty depressing day, and get up and face it either hoping I can score or being broke and knowing thats just how it is for a couple days. The last time I made it more than 2 weeks without an opiate was with the aide of suboxone, which I felt really was helpful in not just the withdrawals, but the cravings which is the worst for me. I know what the WDs are gonna be like, I know what to expect and when to expect it every time. I can make it through that, it's the mental game after that gets me every single time. I cry out for help when I'm broken, get a small amount of clean time, get a little money saved up, and return to the same behavior every single time.

I know that no one can tell me anything thats gonna work a miracle, I actually have to do some work if I'm really gonna quit. I am just asking that if anyone with a similar experience or story (or not, doesn't really matter) could tell me where they think I should start. I had my wisdom teeth removed a week ago today and was given 30 7.5mg hydrocodones, I used those up in 3 days. I got dry sockets from smoking too many cigarettes and went back to my surgeon twice to try to get more, with success yesterday. I got 30 perc 10/325s and now have 17 of those left. If anyone can suggest a taper plan with these, I will give it an honest attempt. After these are gone, I want to be done. I really, really want to be done. I just don't know where to start. Anyways, hope all have a good day. If you find yourself reading this and think you can help, please chime in any feedback is appreciated.

Thanks,
Clay
 
hey man... ive been there and although im not out of the woods yet, i do feel like ive turned the corner... im no longer in active WDs, although i still have cravings... but yea i was doing 2-300 mgs of perc 30s a day and eventuly started shootin dope cause i just couldnt afford it anymore, now i was smoking my pills which is very addicting, i feel even more addicting then the needle... and it sounds like your snorting em? but yea it will take alot of work and will power on your part, and have your ever thought about going to a detox facility? before i went i was scared as shit, but everyone was cool and going through the same thing as me... but if you dont want to or cant you can go to the ER and get a clonidine patch... those things helped me out sooooo much, they took away a good 90% of the WD symptoms... but just remeber it may take you more then one try to get over this... my counslor always says you didnt become an addict in a day and you cant cure it in a day... and honestly i went to two detox places and first thing i did when i got out was go n get high but when i was faced with either getting clean or going to jail, i got clean... but with me smoking weed and drinkin a beer or two at night helped out alot, but if you have had problems with drinking in the past might wana avoid that, but tht along with the patch got me over the hump and once you get there man youll wonder why you didnt do it sooner... but it was truely the hardest thing ive ever done and good luck but you should look into going to I.O.P. classes, detox, and the ER... people are willing to help you just have to take that first step and feel free to to send me a msg if you have any other questions... ive been there and no how hopeless it can seem
 
Thanks for the reply Billy. I actually went to detox this past April when I had a rough binge on benzos and opiates at the same time and had a seizure trying to quit both cold turkey. I was given klonopin and several vitamins for 4 days, and then returned to the same environment. It was at this point that I realized I had to stop messing with benzos or I was going to lose everything, and since then I have done well staying away from those. My problem is now isolated to opiates pretty much, and I still smoke a lot of weed. I don't think another trip to detox is going to do anything, and I don't have the money to do it again anyway so it really isn't an option. I agree that my past drinking problem is an indicator that turning to the bottle to stay off the pills isn't going to work, I would just be subbing one addiction for another, possibly even MORE harmful addiction. I still believe that marijuana could help a lot with me overcoming my opiate addiction, although I do enjoy the two together an awful lot.

Right now I am faced with the decision of getting clean and having a life, or continuing my current path and having nothing. By this I mean that I am on track to graduate in the summer with an accounting degree and have kept my grades up enough that I could land a good job and go anywhere I want pretty much. My greatest fear is achieving a job and seeing a future, but my expensive addiction robbing me of all money and happiness that could come with that success. I still try and tell myself that I am a functioning addict, and to some extent truly believe that I am. However, without the support of my parents and people who love me, I would be completely alone and broke with no hope for a future. Another fear is landing myself in jail again (I was arrested in February for marijuana posession) and not being able to use all my hard work in college because of my criminal background. Everything is still on the line and achievable, and if I could just STOP, I could still have everything I ever dreamed possible. It's a miracle really, and one that I seem willing to give up for these damn pills. My parents may agree to help me with some type of I.O.P. program. I truly think suboxone could work wonders for me in staying off opiates until I'm able to finish school and move to a new place with less access and more opportunities to try new things that I may enjoy, I just am having a lot of trouble convincing my dad to help me because he thinks I'm just up to some trickery or scheme trying to get on suboxone. Anyway, I hope you guys will keep giving me advice and I will try to reply and talk to anyone willing to help me.
 
dude im tellin ya, your me 6 years ago... i literally have one semester of college left and fucked it all up cause I was getting way to high and said fuck school... do what you got to do to get through it man and no one can ever take that away from ya, and i dont know how your state works but here if your broke as shit like me you can get into detox and IOP for free but the sub clinics are expensive as shit, but i do have a good friend who goes and it got him off dope but i know other people who just get high off em... you should atlest try the clonidine and weed before going down that road... and dont think that just cause you move across the country that your demons wont follow you, pills are everywhere and if you havnt "delt" with it then you could easily fall back into old patterns... but hope this helped, ive been where your at and i never thought id be able to deal with it... but once you realize you can, you will
 
I'm withdrawing from opiates right now. It's not easy but just stay the course and it will get easier as time goes on. Don't do it alone, you NEED the help of some kind of support group/structure to help with cravings and staying clean. Suboxone while useful is in my opinion just another replacement, albeit a more socially accepted one. If your goal is to get off all chemicals then it's probably not the route to take, but if your goal is to stay functional then suboxone will help you. God / higher power will help you too. Build yourself back up, strengthen your body and spirit however you can. Peace
 
^^ Suboxone is the shit. I avoided an awful week long withdrawal with low dose suboxone (we're talking a quarter pill). I felt uneasy, but it was worlds better than the alternative. I haven't taken anything in the last couple of days. I'm craving H, and I feel less than perfect, but over all I'm much better. Granted, my habit was a half gram a day for a few weeks. I know not nearly what some of you are going through..
 
Well I am out of percocets from my surgrery and today will begin day 1 cold turkey. Yesterday I tried to hold my last 3 percs to only take in withdrawal but as I expected beforehand, I couldn't stop myself. I tried potentiation with DXM and actually became pretty nauseous without any positive potentiation, and ended up barfing. My head was hurting really bad too, and overall I had a negative experience with my last dose. Now I am patiently waiting on my stomach to drop and sit on the toilet several hours out of the next couple days, which will be good because all this Christmas food got me feeling like I can't eat another bite until I can use the bathroom. I have no weed, so I really hope I can do something about that later today but I don't know. My only source for suboxone can't help me out right now, so I am completely sober and on my own for this time, I plan on spending a lot of time on the computer to keep my mind somewhere else during this time.
 
I am in the same pit. Starting day 5 of no oxys. The one thing I found that works awesome is Gabapentin. It took all the physical and mental problems away. I will be out of it tomorrow. It has helped me a lot.
 
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Hmm I will have to look into this Gabapentin I haven't heard of it. Today has been pretty tough but I'm past the 48 hour mark since my last dose. I have no intent of using today and feel stronger with day 2 behind me. Praying for anyone else trying to get clean today. Thanks & much love,
Clay
 
Gabapentin and pregabalin are particularly good for opiate withdrawal. The same goes for clonodine and lofexodine but they work in a different way. Probably a bit late to be tracking those down but on the off chance you have access they are worth considering if you are needing some help.

Promethazine is useful as an otc sedative too, ask for phenergan 25mg. It can help with your sleep a fair amount.

I would strongly advise checking the recovery support section of this website out too, LOTS of good advice and people there of all sorts.
 
Main advice: Look at opiates are part of a greater problem you have, which is "addiction". Addiction for me is all-encompassing, I loved opiates, but I also loved booze, coke, weed, gambling, spending money... lots of things that make me "feel good" I start to obsess over. Go from there, nothing wrong with checking out NA/AA/SMART or all three. Find what works for you. Talk to a Doctor or therapist... go to a 12 step meeting and talk to some people who are doing well and ask them what works for them (or talk to hte "chair" of the meeting)... etc etc

The help is out there, you just have to take action and ask for it.
 
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