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Need advice whether SO is shooting

  • Thread starter Thread starter Night time blues
  • Start date Start date
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Night time blues

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My SO has been on heroin for a few years. He's been smoking the whole time. I do not use. I have been extremely patient and understanding of the addiction, depression and anxiety he has. However recently (last month or so) he has been avoiding me and spending a lot more time with his dealer. He's Moody and stand offish. I made a joke in passing that his dealer was teaching him to shoot and he laughed it off. A few days later I found 2 rigs at our house He denied them being his and blamed it on his dealer leaving them here. I asked him flat out if he started shooting and he admitted he tried but couldn't make it work. So I dropped the concern. Tonight I found 2 more rigs at our house. Hidden quite well. We've been together 12 years, so I have a pretty good idea when he's lying. What I need to know is this: Do I confront him again? Do I do nothing and hope he tells me? Any advice on this will be greatly appreciated!
 
I say definitely confront him.

My husband suffers from chronic pain. At the beginning of our relationship I was extremely naive to what drug addiction looked like up close and personal. He was on prescribed pain medication and I know that some days were worse than others so he took more than was prescribed to him. It got to a point that I was starting to notice money missing from my wallet. I would say something to him about it and a couple days later he would call me at work to tell me he had found my money "I found it under the bed. It must have fallen out of your wallet." Meanwhile I'm missing a $20 bill and he's handing me two $10 bills, but yeah it must have fallen out of my wallet.

He ended up in the hospital for an extended stay because of his disease. I decided this was the best time to really find out what was going on so I started going through his stuff one night. I came across foil squares with black shit on it and pen tubes with out the mechanics in them. Which oddly enough led me to this site. We had it out when he got home and he denied everything......I was the crazy one. I also came across an open package of unused needles. I got pissed and broke all the needles off them and put them back. when he got out He told me they were leftover from a diabetic dog they had owned that they had put to sleep years ago. I mean....come on....I might be naive but I wasn't born yesterday.

Fast forward to about 4 months later.....I can tell something isn't right with him. He's not in his normal prescribed opiate stupor....this stupor is was different and a lot more scary. Now I'm missing the few pieces of expensive jewelry I own. These pieces meant the world to me. Passed down from deceased relatives. He ends up in the hospital again so I start going through his dresser drawers. I couldn't believe the amount of empty stamp bags I found. Final count ended up being 206. Why not throw them away?? I ended up finding a shit ton of new and used needles as well. He gets out of the hospital and I confront him again this time with all the evidence pulled out in front of him........he denies knowing anything about it. SERIOUSLY???? I finally had to threaten going to the local pawn shops and cash for gold places to find my missing jewelry and pressing charges to get him to confess.

The whole point of this long ass diatribe is to say addicts are liars. He is going to lie his face off just because he doesn't want to fight with you about it. Maybe he doesn't even want to believe the truth about himself. Stick to your guns. You know deep down what the truth is. I also know being on the other side of the fence and watching it happen that we just want confirmation that we aren't crazy or stupid. Good luck to you girl. I will be thinking about you.
 
First of all, sorry you are going through this. It's such a difficult and delicate situation. I was on the other end of a similar situation. It didn't get to the point of stealing from my significant other (now my fiancee), but I did some pretty idiotic things.

GingerKitty is right, addicts will lie... a lot. I made a million excuses and even though I knew some of them were outrageous and she didn't believe me, I stuck with them. It got to such a screwed up point that it was either I come clean or she leaves. I came clean. She was mad at first but I explained that I can't quit alone, support is crucial, especially in detox. I detoxed C/T for a week at home, then went to an outpatient rehab program for a few months. Now, we sit and talk once a week about whatever is on our minds so that way the little things don't build up into bigger issues. Our relationship has never been better.

The best piece of advice I can give you is that if you decide to confront him, and you should, is to try not to make him feel cornered. I know this doesn't seem fair to give him special treatment but it's such a delicate and emotional situation. Making him feel like you're in his corner supporting him is your best bet for getting him to come completely clean.


Good luck.
 
Thank you for your input guys! I did confront him in a loving way. Told him I was concerned about what I found, he told me they were his from the one time he tried it, and didn't throw them away. I think I believe him. He showed me his arms and legs. He doesn't have any marks. I think I was being paranoid. And I know having a loved one addicted is very stressful on everyone involved. I show him lots of love and support whenever I can. I know hes not going to quit until he is ready and I have explained to him I will be ready and waiting when he is ready.
I absolutely know addicts lie. about the stupidest of things too. and yes, it is possible he is shooting, but for now, I feel better and I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
So for now I told him I was going to tell him every paranoid thought I'm having and he can help talk me down.
I really appreciate you guys taking the time to share your advice with me. <3
 
Well, don't I feel silly now? Tonight while cleaning, I found 2 more rigs, 2 spoons and some cotton. I even asked him if there were any other rigs or anything anywhere in the house that he might have forgotten about. He said no. I'm beside myself. I'm going to go ahead and say he is in fact shooting. The thing I can't figure out though, is where? He doesn't have any track marks. I'm currently waiting for him to get home from work, which should be any minute. I am going to calmly bring it up.
What do I do if he denies it more?
I don't want to press the issue and have him hide it further.
But I also don't like that he's not being 100% honest and keeping it from me.
 
Sorry to hear this. Before I read the rest of the posts, I was going to say I think he is definitely injecting.

Sorry to say but from my own experience as an IV heroin addict (the only way I've ever had it but now 5 days clean on methadone, yay me!) it's super hard to turn back once you experience the needle - I went from snorting to shooting meth first and the desire to use any drugs any other way just isn't there anymore, other ROAs just don't compare :(. It's a very slippery slope. He has just opened the door to a whole new addiction, the addiction to the needle itself is so strong.

I guess you need to decide whether you are still going to stay with him with not only the new information, but the lies. That's what we do as addicts, lie, but it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. I know he had you convinced which i am sure makes you wonder what else he has lied about :(. Who knows when he is going to be ready to stop, I guess it's going to be a time of soul searching for you, it sounds like you have been more than supportive (Im female also but I wish my husband was as supportive to me as you are to yours.). Does the fact that he is now taking the drugs a different way make a difference? Or is it more the dishonesty? Or both? I would definitely tell him your main concerns and see what his reaction is and go from there.

As to where he is shooting up....what areas has he shown you? If he's only been at it a short time and is using clean sharps and not missing, he could be rotating between several spots, a single, accurate shot can leave next to no mark, and we have so many veins to choose from.

I'm sorry you are going through this, please keep us updated x
 
Thank you for your input AnythingEverything...
I am going to stay with him... I wouldn't leave if he had cancer, I can't leave cause he has an addiction. Ya know? Its more the lie than anything else. He constantly talks about 'wanting out' I believe him. Its just a matter of when he is actually ready to be out. It may take awhile, but I'll be here when he is.

As far as his marks go, I've seen his wrists, insides of arms, toes, ankles, and backs of knees. I'm pretty sure he would have some type of mark.. He bruises VERY bad when he gets blood drawn at the DR. I mean, I could be wrong... but quite a few years ago, (prior to his addiction) he had a stay in the hospital and when he was released he was supposed to inject a medicine (I don't remember what kind) into his stomach. He couldn't do it. So on one hand, I believe him that he tried, but couldn't get it done. On the other hand... his dealer could be doing it for him.
Whether he is or isnt... We had several long talks about the subject. and we came to an agreement, I will voice any and all concerns and he will address them. We will both stay calm and understanding of each others feelings.
So, I guess we will see what happens over the next week or so.
Thanks again for your input.
I know this drug is hell, I've never personally done it, but I see what it can do. Good luck to you on your methadone!
Don't give up! <3
 
Soinds as if someone is shooting him up and technically that means that he isnt shooting himself up in a twisted way.

Theres 2 rigs and gear. So....yeah he could be getting the dealer to do it and justifying that he isnt doing it that way.

Look. You're going to have to make yourself see what you dont want to see at some point. If you are willing to stand by him regardless of what he does then it would make life easier knowing exactly what is going on so you can deal with it.

Maybe tell him you are going to stand by him and you need the truth to do that to the best of your ability.
 
Nice to hear from you , I'm glad you are hanging in there.

You sound very supportive and have a good understating of addiction which is amazing. I wish my husband was like you are to yours! He's made my life hell since my relapse 5 years ago and got clean with suboxone quick smart but I have never lived it down, and he's a counsellor! :(. Anyway, this isn't about me, I just wanted to say, your SO is lucky to have you!

Weird about the marks, he could be getting someone to hit him up. I never had a chance of hiding mine as my skin marks and bruises so easily. Most people are naturally scared of needles but that quickly passes sadly.

Are their children in the picture? I have 5 and don't want to hurt them which is why I've started on the methadone (it's going great by the way, thanks for asking ?.)

So what did he say at your last conversation? I was going to say similar to the poster above. Make it clear you will stand by him but that he needs to keep up his end or the bargain by being truthful'. You've come this far and know this much about his additction that full disclosure on his part should be something he is willing to do :)

Please keep us updated! Look after yourself, glad you are going to your mums, does she know?
 
Zephyr- It is quite possible his dealer is shooting him. Although, since this whole thing started, hes been spending less and less time over there. He usually smokes in front of me, which I don't exactly mind. I mean I would rather he quit all together. But at the same time, he should feel comfortable with me and what he is doing. This is why this whole thing makes absolutely no sense to me at all.
I think I've come to the conclusion that he had a bout of shooting, and now hes trying not to. I realize shooting is an addiction in and of itself. One that can be extremely hard to break. Perhaps thats why he has been in such a bad mood? If he doesn't admit it to me, then its like it didn't happen? I don't know, guys are funny sometimes. I can imagine the guilt is weighing on him pretty hard at the moment and I want to be as delicate on the subject as I can. You're right about making myself see what I don't want to see. I don't think I want to admit it until I physically see that needle in his hand. Ya know?

AnythingEverything- I've been with him for 12 years this Saturday. I know he would do the same for me if the shoe were on the other foot. Its hard loving an addict. But any piece of advice I can give to those in my position (your hubby) Its not the person thats the problem, its the drug. He's still the same sweet, loving, and caring man I fell in love with. Just because he happens to have a horrible addiction doesn't necessarily change who he is as a person. This drug does change people, but he's still in there somewhere. And I will love him no matter what.
Nobody in our family/friends circle knows about this. I'm sure they all have assumptions. But we haven't told anyone. And don't plan to.
Our last conversation was really good. Very calm and understanding of where the other was coming from.

I really have faith in him that he will find a way out of this mess when he is ready. I just have to be patient and supportive.
I really appreciate you guys! I haven't talked with anyone about this, so you have no idea how incredibly therapeutic this site has become for me.
Much love! <3
 
Just checking in. Work has kept me pretty busy the last week.

Night Time Blues.....I really hope everything works out for you guys. I've learned though my own situation that it takes a lot of strength and perseverance to get through the situation you are going through. I, like you, didn't confide in any of my close friends. I was scared of them judging my husband. I have amazing friends, but none of them had ever been touched by this demon in their lives. This site brought me a lot of comfort and knowledge. I lurked for a long time (2 years) here and only recently decided to join.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend, and please keep us updated.

Lot's of love~
GK
 
Night time blues said:
My SO has been on heroin for a few years. He's been smoking the whole time. I do not use. I have been extremely patient and understanding of the addiction, depression and anxiety he has. However recently (last month or so) he has been avoiding me and spending a lot more time with his dealer. He's Moody and stand offish. I made a joke in passing that his dealer was teaching him to shoot and he laughed it off. A few days later I found 2 rigs at our house He denied them being his and blamed it on his dealer leaving them here. I asked him flat out if he started shooting and he admitted he tried but couldn't make it work. So I dropped the concern. Tonight I found 2 more rigs at our house. Hidden quite well. We've been together 12 years, so I have a pretty good idea when he's lying. What I need to know is this: Do I confront him again? Do I do nothing and hope he tells me? Any advice on this will be greatly appreciated!
Click to expand...

i hate to say but most likely. I lie straight to everyone's face everyday about my heroin use that's what heroin addicts do that's what heroin does. I would get checked first thing at a clinic for anything just to be safe. I would confront him but he will protect the drug always. If he can be honest with you you can help him get clean . Best
 
Night Time Blues said:
AnythingEverything- I've been with him for 12 years this Saturday. I know he would do the same for me if the shoe were on the other foot. Its hard loving an addict. But any piece of advice I can give to those in my position (your hubby) Its not the person thats the problem, its the drug. He's still the same sweet, loving, and caring man I fell in love with. Just because he happens to have a horrible addiction doesn't necessarily change who he is as a person. This drug does change people, but he's still in there somewhere. And I will love him no matter what.
Nobody in our family/friends circle knows about this. I'm sure they all have assumptions. But we haven't told anyone. And don't plan to.
Our last conversation was really good. Very calm and understanding of where the other was coming from.

I really have faith in him that he will find a way out of this mess when he is ready. I just have to be patient and supportive.
I really appreciate you guys! I haven't talked with anyone about this, so you have no idea how incredibly therapeutic this site has become for me.
Much love! <3
Click to expand...

Your partner is super lucky to have you. You sound like such a sweet and caring person with more understanding of addiction than most non addicts. Glad you guys had a good conversation, did he talk anymore about IV use?

Reading the way you talk about him actually makes me a bit sad/ jealous about my own situation. I don't mean to make this about me but I have been with my husband around 16-17 years, married for 12. And for the first 13 or so years I was completely clean and sober. I had a relatively short relapse about 5 years ago on pills but sorted myself out by checking into detox and went on suboxone - on which I didn't use even once apart from weed a handful of times which he knows about.

And I have NEVER lived it down. I've been accused and under suspicion nearly every day for 4 years and treated like a junkie even when I wasn't using. And he's a counsellor! He sees all these people at work who are using etc and its like he says to me all the things he can't say to them?. He doesn't know about my recent 6 month relapse and he can't. If he treated me that way when I wasn't using, I don't even want to imagine how it would be if he found out I was using IV heroin?. He knows I'm on methadone and knew about the suboxone, and he hates the fact I'm on methadone, he buys into the stigma and I think is embarrassed to have a wife on methadone. Even though I've told him how much it's helping my physical pain, depression and anxiety and my energy levels. It's like the 15 or so years out of 17 that I wasn't using count for nothing, he's obsessed with keeping me in the past :(

Enough about me. I don't know if I've already said but has he considered methadone or suboxone? I am finding the methadone so much better as I didn't really want to stop but had to for my kids.

I wish you all the best, keep yourself safe first of all and look after yourself, it must be tiring having to worry all the time. And I hope he is ready to try and kick this habit sooner than later.
 
Ive got friends who dont hide their drug use from partners but do hide their iv habit. In particular 2 guys who I know share needles as a blood brother type thing. Their partners do not know and as much as it sucks theres nothing that will change their habit.

So the only thing you can do is basically demand honesty anout iv use and demand he not put you at risk but assume otherwise.

Put your health first as drug users will not.
 
Sorry I read the whole thread now.

I agree with your view: he probably tried shooting up and then went back to smoking
 
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After reading entire thread I noticed that you have found rigs on more than 1 occasion. That is significant and should stick out to you.
I understand and commend you for your love of him. But with that being said you also need to love yourself enough and not be denial. You are also at risk because of the potential that he has/is sharing a rig with someone. If you have found several of his rigs at home and disposed of them then he may not be able to get a new one when he needs it and will share with dealer or whoever.
Since you admit that he has used herion for several years then he does have a physical addiction and when he begins to "get sick" then he really gets sicks and has to have it! IV is the fastest route and the needle is absolutely a second addiction.
Please don't turn a blind eye to all these signs you are putting yourself in danger. Remember you can't cure addiction with love.
I have a personal experience that I would like to share with you, but not on this thread.
 
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