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need advice heroin addict

S

skyedom 49

Greenlighter
Joined
May 19, 2012
Messages
11
Long story short someone close to me has been shooting heroin for at least six years, everytime I think he is clean he is either bullshitting me or it doesn't last...he has stolen from me,lied,etc....he recently had his first baby and I thought this time he is really gonna do it...he had a nice house,a beautiful daughter, and a great fiance....about a month ago he lost it all because once again he was bullshitting...I have told him countless times
he has to get professional help..he says he can do it himself..so he is staying with me to save money so he can get a place,under the condition he stays clean..he was doing good.and I might be over reacting.but I feel he's relapsed and won't tell me...he said he took to much xanax...but I found him in bathroom completely passed out..I thought he was dead..I screamed and he fell over onto the floor.then the passed two days he has been quiet and sleeping..this morning his kid did not come over cuz he said he has something to do..which was sleeping..his eyes are pretty much pinned all the time (he says its because of suboxones) and sometimes they are glossy...idk what to think...I'm the only person there for him, I love him he's my brother..but I'm usually right when I have a feeling...he has a great job makes plenty of money, and if he does what he is suppose to he will get his family back..I want him to be clean and happy.but.I can't do it for him..my question is do suboxones make you pupils pinned and glossy? And if he relapsed do I let him continue to live here.I don't want him on the street but I also can not condone the behavior...
 
You want him to be happy but maybe what you think will make him happy does not make him as happy as the drugs do, it's sad but it is a possibility. All I am saying is maybe he wants to do drugs until he dies, that would be his choice.
 
That was a terrible response Newpy.

The way it worked with me being a long term addict myself was pretty simple, so long as my parents/gf/friends gave me more chances then i always knew i would have them as a safety net. The day i lost everything and was chucked out on the street, i lasted about a month on my own. Eventually i hit my own rock bottom, living in a homeless shelter all alone with nothing but Heroin. Thats when i finally got the determination to get clean, i still have not got my family or friends back but i hope one day they can understand just as i understood there reasons for disowning me.

To put it simply, you need him to realise that if he keeps going then no one will be there to pick up the pieces as it seems you have been doing for quite some time. It won't work imedietly but tough love always works in the long run, especially when there habbit has been mollycoddled like this.

Hope that helped. was only a quick reply"
 
Thanks I know I can't keep being his safety net. Its just hard not to help. He knows this is his last chance.
And newpy, I guess that could be a possibility.but I've never met anyone who is happier in a position where drugs control your life and leave you with nothing.. And I'm not ok with ”well hey let's just give up and let him die, that's what he wants”
 
Hi,i wasd a herion addict for years,i thought when my dauaghter was born i would straighten out,wrong,kept using,hurting loved ones,getting in trouble,all the thing that go along with addiction,anyway,i got on suboxen about 4yrs ago and have been doing well since,have had a few slips,but for the most part doing very good,i've had the same job going on 7 yrs and just living life normally and being responsible for my actions,my believe is if you don't want to get clean you won't,i had a hard time thinking i was clean being on sub,but my dr. says that i am,so i guess i am,most important i'm happy now,wasn't for over 30yrs,best of luck to you and your brother
 
good for you, you should be proud!! He hasn't gone to see a doctor, said he has to test dirty for them to help. Yes said they will think he is just seeking..is this true? He has the best intentions so I just keep praying for him.
 
see thats a tough situation... n wow it sounds EXACTLY like me (the addict) and my sister... n see wat ur doing u think is an action of "love" but there is a THIN line between love and enabling... if u constantly shelter him and tend to his needs everytime he fucks up he will learn there are no consequences.. n trust me i no its especially hard because u care so much... but what i learned from my mother is sometimes caring means letting go... she was crazy and binding i NEVER thought shed turn her back... but she did cuz i cudnt put her thru those hardships anymore she didnt deserve it... so yea i kno i just came at u tough lol but u gotta do wats right....


p.s. suboxone very well CAN pinpoint ur pupils... i look high as shit during sub maintenance... so he may be tellin the truth.. piss test him..
 
skyedom 49 said:
good for you, you should be proud!! He hasn't gone to see a doctor, said he has to test dirty for them to help. Yes said they will think he is just seeking..is this true? He has the best intentions so I just keep praying for him.
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well i know if you are trying to get on some type of methedone or sub maintance you do have to give up a dirty urine,don't really want to give any advice as how others handls his addiction,as for me,my family got so sick of my bs that they had to let go and stop helping me,for my own good,it worked,cause then i had to help myself,it took me many yrs of making the same mistakes over and over,lost a very good job and others not so good,but i agree with you about praying for him,beacause as we all know,you really can't help anyone that won't help themselves,i hope he does get the help he needs,but please don't let him ruin your life
 
Sugarhill, thanks I very much agree with what you said. he is well aware that this is it, and the incident in the bathroom well that was an eye opener for him...made him realize he's just like someone he never wanted be like. Everything has been ok lately. I'm his only support system. And I will test him, I didn't even think of that
Anthony, I hope you have your family in your life now....as for my brother I think he will be ok, time will tell...
Thanks for all your advice. You guys helped
 
It's a tough situation. On one hand you want the person to get clean on their own, but on the other hand you want to make them to get clean. There are pros and cons to both. If you set up rules such as making him pass drug tests in order to stay in your home, and kicking him out if he fails, then he might get clean so that he has a place to stay. It's good that he's clean, but it's not really for the right reasons, which usually results in them relapsing once the rules are no longer there.

Now if you don't drug test him and just let him do whatever, then he's probably not going to get clean for a while, but when he does it will be because he really wants to, and he will be more likely to stay clean this way compared to if he got clean to comply with rules. The problem with letting someone do what they want and waiting for them to get clean on their own is that they might not make it, and might OD.

The best way to go about it is probably a combination of the two, which is where suboxone would come into play. He would still get some sort of opiate in his system so he wouldn't exactly be forced to abstain from drugs, and when he gets stable after a while he will probably want to taper off the suboxone and get clean from it on his own, without being forced.

As for suboxone treatment, he shouldn't have to piss dirty to get suboxone from a doctor. It depends on some doctors though, and for more info about that check out this thread where we discussed it. They usually test their patients after they start prescribing it, and then they test to make sure the patient is taking the suboxone, and not taking other opiates.
 
Thanks i sent that link to my brother... You all have helped....this whole site has help me understand how hard it is for my brother. i will continue to help him as long as he wants it.....dont get me wrong, im not a fool, i will not allow him to take advantage... Thanks again and i hope you all the best of luck!
 
If you kick him out thats going to depress him, and guess who is gonna turn too.. MISS LILLY BROWN aka heroin. Be supportive of your family, not his behaviour. Talk to him, see if you can get him to take a lesser opiate such as hydrocodones.. for god sake dont kick him out.. that make the problem worst
 
It would take a whole lot for me to kick him out, but at the same time he cant go back to what he was doing..he has been taking suboxones, And he stopped the xanax ( since the incident) i will feel better once he makes a doctors app.. He is going to a na meeting wed, hopefully it helps him and he will continue to go..his friend has just
 
that acctually sounds like xanax and subs not heroin most junkies don't do shots so big the pass the fuck out but xanax is a whole other beast
 
Made her 2 year mark of being clean, so she is going to take him..according to him he has been opiate free for almost 6 weeks....thats the longest he has ever gone...so as long as he continues to stay on this path, i will be there to support him!
 
That makes me feel better, not that really 100% doubt what he tells me BUT there is always that little part that i question..and When something like that happens, i just worry so much about him!! Ive done my share of drugs but when i was younger, and grew up in a home with parents who partied HARD..i know the signs but still feel stupid when i dont realize whats really going on with him...he is good at hiding his problem...
 
mrflowers00 said:
that acctually sounds like xanax and subs not heroin most junkies don't do shots so big the pass the fuck out but xanax is a whole other beast
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That is usually true, but if he took a break and did his normal amount of dope then it could have caused him to have a non-fatal overdose and pass out. I'm not saying that's what happened, but I wouldn't rule it out.
 
I would highly recommend you read some good books on understanding addiction and how best to support someone who you love who is an addict. One of my favourites is In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Dr Gabor Mate. I do not for a second support the "tough love" idea that confronting them, giving them an ultimatum, or kicking them out will help the person in any way, shape or form. There may be a rare few people who say this helped them, but I would bet for 95% of people this just makes things much worse. You kick him out, then he just gets more depressed and has rationalization to use even more drugs to cope with it. You need to give him unconditional love and support and make him feel like he can be open and honest with you without risking you getting mad at him or guilt-tripping him. You can gently provide info about treatment options (which includes not just drug addiction treatment but treatment for any mental or physical health issues he has, since addicts are self-medicating for emotional pain/depression/anxiety), but you can not force it on him and he will not be interested if you pressure him. Ultimately no one/nothing can make him quit unless/until he chooses to and is completely ready. But making him feel safe and loved is a huge help. If you love him and want him in your life and to help him/let him live with you, you will have to accept the possibility that he may keep using for a long time, or he might stop and start up again. You should really focus on trying to make him feel safe to be honest with you without judgment or negative reactions, as opposed to trying to "catch" him. Best of luck :)
 
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