Narcotics Anonymous

[LaurenfromMI]

I'm gonna keep going. AA is not for me. I'm too f-cked up for AA...LOL. Plus drugs (pills) are my main issue. Too bad I called three people on my phone list tonight and all were wasted. That's okay though. I can deal with chronic relapsers that are real about what they are feeling better than AA people that just seem creepy to me at times. There are lot of old drunks in there and mean people that think you are just a little shit that doesn't know anything. They always want to TELL YOU to do this or that. "You should not take Seroquel." Seroquel? That's a mood stablilizer (heard that from THREE idiots.) "GET A SPONSOR NOW. HOW ABOUT HER?? HERE BE HER SPONSOR." Can I choose my own please? I had three that were total bitches that tried to make me feel guilty all the time. The problem is I have a conflict of interest going on. My mom goes to Alanon like six days a week--she is obsessed. It's her only social outlet. Then I see people at the meeting and they are like, "You are Mary's daughter. Yeah. I know you're Mom." Then I get that look. How can I have anonymity if I am telling my story in one room and she is telling it in another....hence the answer. NA!!! My mom did not even want to take me to an NA meeting. She actually said "I don't want to sit in the parking lot around those addicts." She's just pissed because it's going out of her way. She has problems taking me to a meeting that she isn't already going to. So, I'm gonna try to make friends/get rides, but I swear, if I start trusting these peeps and then they flake out on me, I'm gonna be pissed. I had one girl that was taking me to meetings show up at my door at 4 a.m. asking if I wanted to smoke crack. It hurt so much to see her like that I wanted to cry. I like knowing I am not the only one that can't seem to stop, but at the same time, I know know know....I NEED A GOOD SPONSOR. We did the 4th step today and nobody at the table had done it yet. Even the guy with 9 months. I know if I don't do that step I will never get off the past....I will never forgive myself and I will never forgive anyone else. Now, if I could just give these pills up....abuse or not....they are addictive. I have no excuse.

 

[LaurenfromMI]

BTW, I was high on Adderall when I went, but at least I went...LOL. I was very good at communicating my feelings. I FELT like I was finally getting everything out--my resentments about AA (years of useless meetings that I felt were degrading to me) The fact that I am so insecure and got to a point after five months totally clean that I didn't want to even leave the house, much less go a meeting. But I think I found my place in NA. Nothing I can do or say will shock those people, and it is the one place I have seen people show up high to before. I wasn't too bad....just a little talkative, but you know, they probably knew or maybe I'm just paranoid. Either way, paranoia is all about doing something you know is wrong. :/ Going back tomorrow though. Can't wait.

 

[Korn3x]

there is a section for this, and i believe it is called your blog.. lol.

i dont think there was even a question in this therad? anyways, you might wanna try posting in The Dark Side you'll get better responses.

 

[LaurenfromMI]

Damn I thought I did post in dark side!! damn. sorry.

 

[Korn3x]

lol no problem. and welcome to BL. PM a mod and they may be able to move the thread over there for you, or you could just recreate the thread in TDS and this one will ultimately be closed

 

[sixpartseven]

I'll move this over to The Dark Side.

BTW, nice to see another BLer from Metro Detroit.

OD ----> TDS

 

[Harley3311]

well if it makes you feel any better I can sorta relate... I am addicted to oxycodone and go to na meetings, though not as much as I shoulc. This is just because I am too busy with school right now with it winding up and alll, anyways... my mom isn't as invasive as yours, but she asked me why she couldnt go to a meeting with me? I told her that first of all she cant go because she isnt an addict, and even if she could go I wouldnt want her because it is too personal. I know she has good intentions but its an "UGHHH..." situation fur sho. Your mom needs to understand that this is a personal journey for you, and they are obviously important to you. I have never been to an aa meeting because I like being with other addicts that can relate to the vicious cycle of opiate addiction, instead of someone who drinks too much mikes hards...(not dissin on the drunks) Just keep going and wait till you find a responsible and sincere sponsor, someone that you are confortable with, not someone that is going to ask you to smoke crack at 4 in the morning and try to get you to suck off bums for a cheap thrill...

 

[TriggerHappy]

i can totally relate. a good sponsor is key. remember the basis of AA-- prominent psychologist Carl Jung told his patient, a hopeless alcoholic, that he was un-curable and would die from drinking... unless he had a spiritual experience.

so

the dude went out and willed a relationship with a higher power. and he dedicated his life to love and service.

for me

AA/NA has nothing to do with attending meetings and speaking. it's about working the steps and transforming the soul. becoming a spiritual person instead of a drug addict.

and no

i'm not talking about jesus or the religion i was raised with. i'm looking for a personal connection.

so

i've been studying buddhism and religion in general. meditating and attempting to pray. i'm also working on step 4... and like you, i'm no angel. occasionally i'll fall off and binge. sucks because my DOC is heroin... i shoot up.

but i know that if i can beat this, i can do anything in life.

keep working on finding that sponsor! i actually met mine on a forum like this... she's awesome.

keep posting.

 

[DarkSkys]

You don't need this to quit. Remember that.

AA and other methods can help, but at the end of the day its up to you to change. If you're not willing to change your friends, not have any drug connection, change your habits, then what the point of going to a place and talking about change.

Fuck I hate being addicted too, but I know it's a waste of time if I'm not ready to change. Why go and talk about change.


Peace Out.

PS - Its your Avatar, since you're a girl, you're getting a lot of replies. Usually threads like this is closed & folded faster than Superman on laundry day.

 

[OverDone]

PS - Its your Avatar, since you're a girl, you're getting a lot of replies. Usually threads like this is closed & folded faster than Superman on laundry day.

I never noticed any gender bias here in TDS.

 

[Epictetus]

Hi. I can absolutely positively feel your pain. I have been going to AA meetings on and off for the past 5 years, as well as an inpatient and out patient rehab. The longest I have had has been recently I had nine months. I have to say that I concur with both Darkskys and Triggerhappy, First I have to go for me, if i don't wanna be sober there is NO point in going, and recovery, for me, is about spirituality. Not religion mind you, they are two totally separate things for me and hold totally different connotations for me. The conflict between AA/NA is one that i hear often, I am primarily an alcoholic. However i have had my tangles with other substances in the past, so I've been to both AA and NA as a participant, in my experience NA does tend to be more welcoming and AA tends to be more structured (and yeah ive run into ppl in AA who are like, get offa those meds they are messing with your head!...get off meds....major depression!....and also those ppl in AA who tend to, uh, want to force feed you their program, although I've ran into them at NA too lol. I tend to take what I can get from those people and leave the rest lol.)...I actually had an experience with an AA group where I kept on relapsing so they said that I needed to find my own rides to meetings and no one was allowed to give me a ride (i had no car at the time or means of transportation.) this group also took the money from the basket that they pass and gave it to me and said "here. go out and get drunk and come back when you've had enough pain." needless to say, not the best group to go around with lol, and I guess that's something for me too, finding the right group was key. Oh and my step sister was in AA with me too, I would share some things with her when we would go out to meetings together every once in a while and within a week my family and my AA group would know about it....so yeah hear u on that one...the anonymous part is very important too, that's not to say I don't know people in there from the "outside world" its just that I know i can trust them that whatever is said there stays there (a good rule of thumb for me too is, when i share in a meeting I dont go too deep, like i dont share anything I dont want to be common knowledge, it sounds fucked up but some people in the rooms are sicker than others and people talk, so i leave anything real personal for one on one with someone i trust.)...Good for you on getting connected/rides btw! and your mother should realize that an NA meeting and an AA meeting are really treating the same disease. I see no clear delineation between an alcoholic and a drug addict. Just because one might have less of a social stigma doesn't make it any less deadly (I almost died from alcohol withdrawal a year ago at the age of 24, so yeah, alcoholism is narsty lol)...Also your mother should have a separate program from you, in any 12 step program that I've been to, bf/gf, husbands/wives, mothers/daughters, fathers/sons....it is always suggested that they go to different groups so as to avoid a conflict of interest like your describing...I had to stop going with my sister as much because of it. Your 100% right Triggerhappy meetings have little to do with the meat and potatoes of the program, they provide a place to share our experience strength and hope with others and to show others that it does work or just a place to vent sometimes, but working with a sponsor is paramount (I went to meetings for years without a sponsor or the steps, and i just kept relapsing, when I used one and got involved, I got nine months lol)..also i know that you dislike AA but your right about the 4th step too in AA they say if you dont do a fourth your gonna pick up a fifth lol....Im sorry for rambling but I can just totally relate to your post. I did some pills earlier as well,so i know what its like to want sobriety but not being able to get away from the drug and Ive have been to meetings high and seen ppl passed out at meetings too, and yeah nothing i can say would EVER shock anyone there, and you know what? if it did...that would be that persons problem lol...but yeah just thought I'd ramble a bit for no apparent reason lol :D .....good luck and remember that recovery is an intensely personal experience what works for others isn't always whats gonna work for you and vice versa.

 

[kittytruslow]

what are the steps in NA?

 

[Legerity]

what are the steps in NA?

They are the same as "AA" except they are powerless over "their addiction" rather than just alcohol. All mind-altering substances except caffeine and nicotine of course

@LaurenFromMI: Good luck on your journey. Getting off drugs is definitely do-able if it is your priority. Don't worry about getting high at meetings, if you are not overly disruptive people should be understanding.