Narcissistic family member

[nuttynutskin]

I was going to just post this in the holiday support thread, but I feel like it might deserve it's own since it's not just about the holidays...

Feeling really conflicted right now on whether or not to get a certain family member anything, or even whether to start speaking to them again any time soon. We've been getting along really horribly and have now gone at least a week without speaking. But as usual after a few days this particular family member tries to reel me back in with how important I am and all that via email, and then they left me a card and some money before they left to go spend Christmas somewhere else after I told them I wasn't celebrating (again via email). This might sound like a nice gesture to most, but I've been through this over and over so many times that it's driving me insane.

I just feel like if there was going to be any sort of halfway decent relationship it would've happened by now and that I need to be conscious about being manipulated back into this cycle again. This family member fits all of the traits of a narcissist as far as I've studied and I don't see them ever changing even when I think things might be different. They never admit anything they ever do is wrong and have pushed just about anyone of any importance out of their lives... Friends, lovers, neighbors, you name it. I'll be the first to admit that I'm no angel, but I'm tired of everything that goes along with living with a narcissist. Anyone have any thoughts on this or maybe even experiences?

Btw this video pretty much hits the nail on the head of how I feel. I think this guy has some good advice...

 

[Maya]

^yup my aunt used to be like that. I remember very well how dhe got really jealous of my mom and dads success and she did her best to push out of my granmas home. I was 8 years old iirc, and we had to move out in the pouring rain.

About 8 yrs ago or so she got a cyst removed from her back and this changed her. I think she realized that karma comes back and she started treating us as a relative and not just people she can control with. I guess if you're certain family membet might encounter a really difficult situation in life that might change him or her.

 

[nuttynutskin]

So you think they can change? Idk... They've encountered difficult situations but have always used them to gain pity instead of getting better if that makes sense.

 

[Maya]

Yeah I think they can my aunt probably thought at the time she had cyst that it might have been cancer so I guess it was an eye opener for her.

But I think that ghe persons back ground might influence the level of thinking we came from a religious background and believed in god although I'm leaning towards atheism nowadays.

 

[Eveleivibe]

My advice would be to Just be civil. Accept the gift but keep things low key for awhile see how the land lies. Maybe send a card to show you're being mature over things.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I decided to give them a card and a piece of pie my mom made last night after I got back from having dinner there. We're back on speaking terms for the time being. Just things that need to be said, not really small talk or anything. I just need to keep my distance unfortunately. It sucks having a family member that's not been a part of the better part of your life but it is what it is.

 

[Maya]

^I think that you are doing the right thing, just keep your distance for now and see how it goes. Sometimes it just needs time for the other person to change and realize past mistakes etc.