Hardicus
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2000
- Messages
- 2,169
ok, i've decided to add what I can to this thread, but as we all now it's going to be a bit of a ramble. I won't try and pinpoint the loop as it occurs to me, i've not yet worked it out, but what I can do is explain the few small chunks i've been able to recover from the recent frequent experiences i've had.
ok...point number one. What i've found is that I get the sensation of time going extremely fast, then progressively slowing down (in stages, which is something that has been taunting me from the beginning, but the stages are something i need to work on more), so yeah, time slows down until it hits a complete halt. On one experience I actually saw a progress bar along the bottom of my vision, and when it hit the left, time stopped completely. Now, as time slows down, comes with it a CHRYSTAL CLEAR understanding of what is about to occur, yet, you know it is inevitable. With the realisation of what it about to occur comes bonechilling fear, i'm yet to understand why this is so, as every time it occurs I come out unscathed. Now, time stops, and i'm left with a sensation of ticking, with the ticking comes a sort of flickering of the vision, and a few seconds later, time stars again and slowly everything returns to normal (again in stages).
erm, after writing that i'm unable to think of what my second point was...damn.
The crux of the loop is the bit which I have been unsuccessful in bringing out, and every time I am left with just a few faint visions, which I will try to construct now, one is of a feeling of being able to see into infinity, i'm not sure whether it's in the past, the future, or both, but the feeling for some reason scares the shit out of me, not because of this ability, but because of something else. This something else is the really scary bit, and the only vision i'm able to reconstruct of it is like a cog coming off of *one of those things that cogs roll along*. It's like, i think, seeing the universe as a mechanical entity, and at the time all feeling of being 'high' disappears, and i'm left with nothing but fear, absolute, blinding, fear, in such brutal clarity that you are left with the only conclusion possible...that THIS is the real nature of the world and the reality you know is a facade, much like the matrix. I think the best word to describe the vision is 'vastness'. It really is like on big dark place.
Damn it's so fucking frustrating because the essence of the experience, the thing that scares me so much, is the truely illusive thing that I simply CAN'T relive in the 'real' world. Yet, every time it happens, clear as day, same as before, just as horrifying.
As I discover more I will try and post it up here, as you all know that getting it out is the hardest bit.
fuck ok just got a random memory...which is more of a theory. I think, maybe the scary thing is seeing each fragment of time seperately, this is what the 'infinity view' is, and when you see it, you see all of time before and after the *stop* in unison. It's like, you are being shown the inner workings of time, and you are not meant to see this, because it gives you no option but to accept determinism. (i get the feeling that this is very important, extremely, i'll try and get more on this).
Damn you nitrous, damn you to hell
ok...point number one. What i've found is that I get the sensation of time going extremely fast, then progressively slowing down (in stages, which is something that has been taunting me from the beginning, but the stages are something i need to work on more), so yeah, time slows down until it hits a complete halt. On one experience I actually saw a progress bar along the bottom of my vision, and when it hit the left, time stopped completely. Now, as time slows down, comes with it a CHRYSTAL CLEAR understanding of what is about to occur, yet, you know it is inevitable. With the realisation of what it about to occur comes bonechilling fear, i'm yet to understand why this is so, as every time it occurs I come out unscathed. Now, time stops, and i'm left with a sensation of ticking, with the ticking comes a sort of flickering of the vision, and a few seconds later, time stars again and slowly everything returns to normal (again in stages).
erm, after writing that i'm unable to think of what my second point was...damn.
The crux of the loop is the bit which I have been unsuccessful in bringing out, and every time I am left with just a few faint visions, which I will try to construct now, one is of a feeling of being able to see into infinity, i'm not sure whether it's in the past, the future, or both, but the feeling for some reason scares the shit out of me, not because of this ability, but because of something else. This something else is the really scary bit, and the only vision i'm able to reconstruct of it is like a cog coming off of *one of those things that cogs roll along*. It's like, i think, seeing the universe as a mechanical entity, and at the time all feeling of being 'high' disappears, and i'm left with nothing but fear, absolute, blinding, fear, in such brutal clarity that you are left with the only conclusion possible...that THIS is the real nature of the world and the reality you know is a facade, much like the matrix. I think the best word to describe the vision is 'vastness'. It really is like on big dark place.
Damn it's so fucking frustrating because the essence of the experience, the thing that scares me so much, is the truely illusive thing that I simply CAN'T relive in the 'real' world. Yet, every time it happens, clear as day, same as before, just as horrifying.
As I discover more I will try and post it up here, as you all know that getting it out is the hardest bit.
fuck ok just got a random memory...which is more of a theory. I think, maybe the scary thing is seeing each fragment of time seperately, this is what the 'infinity view' is, and when you see it, you see all of time before and after the *stop* in unison. It's like, you are being shown the inner workings of time, and you are not meant to see this, because it gives you no option but to accept determinism. (i get the feeling that this is very important, extremely, i'll try and get more on this).
Damn you nitrous, damn you to hell
