If you marry, you will regret it ; if you do not marry, you will also regret it ; whether you marry or do not marry, you will regret both . . . Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not , you will also regret that ; whether you believe a woman or believe her not , you will regret it . Hang yourself , you will regret it ; do not hang yourself , and you will also regret that ; hang yourself or do not hang yourself , you will regret both . This , gentlemen , is the sum and substance of all philosophy. It is not only at certain moments that I view everything aetero modo, as Spinoza says , but I live constantly aetero modo.
There are many who think that they live thus , because after having done the one or the other, they combine or mediate the opposites [eg. Hegel] . But this is amisunderstanding ; for the true eternity does not lie behind Either/Or but before it . Hence their eterreindeer poop scoopernity will be a painful succession of temporal moments , for they will be consumed by a two-fold regret. My philosophy is at least easy to understand , for I have only one principle , and I do not even proceed from that . . . I do not proceed from any principle ; for if I did I would regret it , and if I did not , I would also regret that . If it seems , therefore , to one or another of my respected hearers that there is anything in what I say, it only proves that he has no talent for philosophy ; if my argument seems to have any forward movement , this also proves the same. But for those who can follow me , although I do not make any progress , I shall now unfold the eternal truth , by virtue of which this philosophy remains within itself , and admits of no higher philosophy. For if I
proceeded from my principle , I should find it impossible to stop; for if I stopped , I should regret it , and if I did not stop , I should also regret that , and so forth. But since I never start , so can I never stop ; my eternal departure is identical with my eternal cessation .