Treatment NA group gaslight me in an attempt to 'save' me

[chris_p]

my sponsor told me today it doesn’t work in the short term. I was complaining about my past relapses saying I had done everything right. It he said I have to do it for years before I’ll actually have the skills to not relapse when the cravings or bad feelings come


That’s great that you have some desire to get clean. Why do you have that desire? What made you want to think about trying to stop?

I have damaged my body/mind and my relationships very badly with drugs through multiple overdoses, although I can't see life as being enjoyable without them I still realize I have to protect myself and others from my own actions even if it goes against my best interests because unfortunately there are people who are dependent on me and if that wasn't the case I would've gone off the rails a very long time ago. Recovery might just be my way of showing other people I'm getting better. Or maybe I don't really care, or maybe it doesn't matter. Not really too sure honestly. It's better than just being an unrepentant addict at least, I know what I am and that's already an important mindset to have

 

[LucidSDreamr]

I have damaged my body/mind and my relationships very badly with drugs through multiple overdoses, although I can't see life as being enjoyable without them I still realize I have to protect myself and others from my own actions even if it goes against my best interests because unfortunately there are people who are dependent on me and if that wasn't the case I would've gone off the rails a very long time ago. Recovery might just be my way of showing other people I'm getting better. Or maybe I don't really care, or maybe it doesn't matter. Not really too sure honestly. It's better than just being an unrepentant addict at least, I know what I am and that's already an important mindset to have

The physical body damage is what made me finally give in. Never had much damage to my mind or ppl dependent on me in life….and the relationships all went to shit but I didn’t care. But when the medical issues started showing up I knew I didn’t want to keep doing this.

Like yes I want to use drugs but the price of pain i must pay after from the pain they continue to cause my body became too much to where I wanted to kill Myself so I knew it was serious at that point.

I don’t claim to be fully recovered or anything. I still remained on methadone and weed up until two months ago but I had to stop the drinking and all the RCs, the stims and the fentanyl/heroin 10 years ago when my health got bad from drugs. It sucks I’m still in pain ten years later from it and limited sometimes in enjoying life because of the damage

But I don’t see life as that enjoyable anyways even in moments when I am healthy. And it certainly isn’t enjoyable on drugs anymore either. It was when I was younger but now life is simply a grind with a few happy moments here and there but nothing exciting like it was when I was young

 

[Electrum1]

If your bio is correct, you are 21 years old. If true, welcome to abusing stimulants. It was definitely stimulant psychosis. Whether you choose to avoid it again is up to you and you are the only one that can make that decision, which you should do considering how young you are and able to recover much better than older people. Don't push your luck

 

[thatmf]

I've had something slightly similar happen to me. My neighbours knew how low I had gotten and were genuinly fucking with me. One recorded me yelling when he came up to my car and played it over and over on a speaker and edited it/effed with it. Kept playing it on repeat etc. I finally calmed myself down enough to try and sleep and ended up banging my head on the wall and had a serious concussion. You gotta recover by yourself IMHO or mostly by yourself. People get weird when they gang up on someone towards the end of their meth-cycle. I do seriously believe you but I also just want to say that the psychosis probably super-amplified it and it did your head in.

Maybe NA mean well but some of them can be overzealous. I hope things get better for you but be careful of who you let into your circle. For me just doing my own thing helped me get clean. Other people can invite a lot of drama into the picture.

 

[shreddedlettuce]

If your bio is correct, you are 21 years old. If true, welcome to abusing stimulants.

Turns 23 this year, just to be "anal".

and

@chris_p

I am a little more than double your age, but at your age I can relate to enjoying stimulants and lots of other nice things.

I know this is not on topic about the whole NA thing going on, whether it is in your head or not, but if I could use what I have learned as at today's date(my birthday), and give any advice to my younger self.... you can use it if you like, it would be this.......

"Hey Lettuce, no need to experiment to feel part of "life", you have ADD/ADhD and you know the Ritalin isn't doing anything, not even recreationally. the meth is fucking you up, even if you bullshit yourself that taking it orally is "medicating" yourself, but in about 23 years time there will be a drug available in this country legally, and would be prescribed without any guilt.
It will work in a way that will make your life and health infinitely better vs constant self medicating on street drugs.
In fact, your life will feel like it is starting again like you were 23 again, but with so much confidence on the path to hapinness".

Not going to name it as it is obvious, and 100% subjective and I haven't made it a secret in the slightest.

Remember, this is advice that I would give to myself at the age of 22/23.

Mould/Mold this post to suit your "unanswered questions" if you can.

MOST IMPORTANTLY get some sleep before making any decisions. Lack of sleep is the most debilitating effect I can vouch for from the life I have lived until now .... just saying.

Hope this helps.

 

[kiely]

Nice post !!!! We have to keep going.

Turns 23 this year, just to be "anal".

and

@chris_p

I am a little more than double your age, but at your age I can relate to enjoying stimulants and lots of other nice things.

I know this is not on topic about the whole NA thing going on, whether it is in your head or not, but if I could use what I have learned as at today's date(my birthday), and give any advice to my younger self.... you can use it if you like, it would be this.......

"Hey Lettuce, no need to experiment to feel part of "life", you have ADD/ADhD and you know the Ritalin isn't doing anything, not even recreationally. the meth is fucking you up, even if you bullshit yourself that taking it orally is "medicating" yourself, but in about 23 years time there will be a drug available in this country legally, and would be prescribed without any guilt.
It will work in a way that will make your life and health infinitely better vs constant self medicating on street drugs.
In fact, your life will feel like it is starting again like you were 23 again, but with so much confidence on the path to hapinness".

Not going to name it as it is obvious, and 100% subjective and I haven't made it a secret in the slightest.

Remember, this is advice that I would give to myself at the age of 22/23.

Mould/Mold this post to suit your "unanswered questions" if you can.

MOST IMPORTANTLY get some sleep before making any decisions. Lack of sleep is the most debilitating effect I can vouch for from the life I have lived until now .... just saying.

Hope this helps.

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

I affirm again I'm 99% sure it wasn't meth psychosis as there is a quality to hallucinations that real senses don't have and as a person whos drug of choice is hallucinogens I think I can tell the two apart at least retroactively. When I say meth is a common drug here, 90% of the people in NA are there for meth abuse, they knew what they were doing for sure. Although NA doesn't facilitate interventions these people know me quite well and I can guarantee I wasn't the first person they did it to as I heard about the same thing being spoken in the groups before and en quote, "there's nothing wrong with lying if its to save a life". If it was against NA rules couldn't I report them? But again, the whole point is to make you sound crazy and this thread shows it did the trick quite well, nobody would really believe me anyway, which is kind of fucked up since the whole deal with NA is not making people uncomfortable



Definitely it goes heavily against the traditions I'd but our local NA is very nonprofessional is a way of saying it. I haven't really read any of the books or done any step work I just go because I have some desire to get clean. I knew a few people pretty well including a sponsor called Matthew who told me I had to message him every time I took drugs and I did it for a while but then I started feeling guilty and stopped messaging him or going to meetings so thats definitely what triggered it. They know my address too since I've had to ask multiple people for rides. I went back to NA yesterday anyway and everyone was being very welcoming but I decided not to mention anything. I think I honestly just feel bad that so many people spent effort on a person they barely know and looking back their intentions were definitely good even if what they did I think is wrong so I will give it an actual try for a short while and see if it works, but I'm not giving up booze and weed...

I am not going to dismiss this as hallucinations. Prolly where the odds lay. I would seek a new AA/NA group --- shite always felt kind of cultish to begin with. Doesn't seem very anonymous when I know where it is held every week and that it is known as good place to cold score.... *Also* I feel dumb for having no idea what substance you are talking about but I dont fux with uppers so its okay.

But I am "Naturally paranoid" I guess -- no cellphone (why would I want ppl to be able to get at me always?) -- live in the woods only house on the street.

They are out to get me on the other hand -- full scale raid for LESS than poss of MJ. Illegally detained a couple of times etc