Mystery powder but probably fent please help me

[tionchr]

Im
Not sure where I’m supposed to be posting this, I just have to post it. For about four months I’ve been using this dope I’m pretty sure is mostly fent cut with xylanline. I relapsed because I suffer from severe depression, it hardly ever lets up and the only time I don’t have cravings is when it does let up. I’m on tons of meds for it, but it gets so bad I wind up abusing those too, but I’m not going to fool myself, if I took care of myself better I’d probably wouldn’t be so miserable either. So I relapsed, been doing this awful powder which has just made matters worse. For months I almost always snorted it, until it stopped feeling good. I got myself snorting four bags at a time now, and average about a bundle a day which is what, a gram? Now, I’m shooting it- and the latest development is that this shit only lasts a couple minutes where I feel good and then it’s totally gone and I am back to depression again. This is a living nightmare guys, I don’t know what to do!!! I feel suicidal but I couldn’t do that to my poor girlfriend, she’s the only person in my life that loves me. And on top of that I am vomiting a lot as well . I can’t keep anything down.
I’ve been on here forever just lurking, trying to find someone with a similar experience but I can’t. I’m afraid to go to the hospital, I’ve been to detox/rehab and some have been ok but most not. I have suboxone but I am afraid to take it due to precipitated wds, don’t want to do that again. I wish I could just get on methadone. But I don’t want to get even further from suboxone, although maybe I’d like it more? I just hate the idea of going to a clinic. Oh and I live in nyc if anyone wants to know. Please, I really need some support or good advice. Or even just someone with a really gnarly story so I won’t feel so bad about my problems. I really need any help I can get. Please.

Thank you,
Mike

 

[kongoman]

Man I cant help you about fent cause in my country there's not that shit. I dont know if methadone would be a solution. With suboxone you can try the bernese method. Theres info here about this method.

But with depression I have experience. I had a very heavy depression for 4 years. Now Im fine, very happy with my life. What meds are you taking?

Have you tried plugging instead of IV this powder?
IF methadone could get you away from this shit it could be a good thing. It helps a lot with mood at medium/high doses. When I was depressed methadone helped me a lot. My doctor says that suboxone is antidepressant too. Best thing you can do is stop shoting and maybe plug the powder. Is much more safer and can be better for your mood.

I know depression sucks but one day you'll be fine. Our body is the best doctor and can cure anything. But the changes in the brain are very slow and you have to be patience. If you can meditate a little bit every day im sure that it helps with the healing of the brain.

Stay safe. You're not alone
Cheers

 

[Keif' Richards]

Hey @tionchr

I hear you about the "living nightmare" thing. I think that's a pretty vivid and apt description. I've never been into Fentanyl, as that was only just becoming prevalent as I permanently gave up street Opiates. Still, I can tell you I've wanted to kill myself on numerous occasions due to the psychological torture of my addiction, the consequences, the guilt and the usage cycle. In the name of destigmatization, I don't mind saying that I made a serious attempt that landed me in a psych ward when I was in college. So, I feel your pain dude and the best thing I can do for you right now is to give you some information and advice based upon our shared experience and what I have learned over the years.

I live in Vermont currently and New England is inundated with this same shit. A quick, potent high caused by Fentanyl and Fentanyl analogs + Xylazine. I won't get into the wounds, but suffice to say the wounds are fucked up and gruesome. Xylazine and Clonidine are drugs of the same class with similar effects, that is, lowered blood pressure and pulse leading to sedation. Rebound effects from withdrawal from these medications is difficult in normal situations, but in these massive doses, Xylazine withdrawal adds a physical state of panic to an already difficult withdrawal.

Fentanyl and these analogs are potent. They are causing dependencies that are of a proportion that a Heroin user like myself would have ever thought possible. We have bags of this stuff of which people are dying from inhalng trace amounts by accident, then a guy who injects 20 bags of that same shit every day. It's crazy. My point is, your mind and your body are saturated with this shit and it is going to take time for that to go back to normal.

Yea, you probably would be best off starting with a detox or something just to get your dependence level down a little bit. You have to go into the process knowing it's going to be difficult. I know in sobriety, there is this time dilation where every minute can seem like hours. This always made me feel like I wanted to feel better faster than I was able to, if that makes sense. You have to commit.

You can fix this though. You're here, talking about how you feel, trying to figure out your life. There are people I see every day who gave up a long time ago. You've gotta commit, get started with a detox or something like that. From there, you have options.

Buprenorphine is generally not a realistic option for people who have Fentanyl habits. This was a drug that made a lot more sense when people were still using Oxycodone and Heroin. For people with Fentanyl habits, it's just not strong enough. It seems to cause more problems than it helps. Like you've described, people go crazy trying to avoid precipitated withdrawal. They get extremely sick waiting to take the medicine, only to find out that they were wrong and get sicker.

If you are wanting to do maintenance in the United States, then yes, Methadone is really your only option. You live in NYC so it's easily accessible. If you can curb your usage, you'll be getting takehome doses in no time. Be warned though, there are a lot of Fentanyl users who say that even Methadone is not strong enough to satisfy them, even at doses of 300mg, which I definitely have seen around here.

This is why I think you should go, get your tolerance down and then enroll in the clinic. If you combine this with some introspection like AA, therapy or whatever, then you have a chance at figuring this out. You are definitely capable man. We have your back and want you to succeed. Let me know if you have any questions about the clinic, the process or anything else.